Undergrad By Day

ORD Loh

2007-08-15T01:39:00.000+08:00

This blog is derelict and dying. It has been an entertaining and worthy publication.

However, the old must make way for the new. It is the nature of the world.

So, ladies and gentlemen.. If you would point your cursors to actionslavehero.livejournal.com and click, I will be very much obliged.

Thank you very nice.

Reprise

2007-06-28T01:42:00.000+08:00

This blog may not be dead just yet. It's going to be like a zombie kinda blog.

Yeah. I have a zombie blog, do you?

This is a random post but I have a little nostalgia nugget. Random old photos of a defunct band called Moren Tea Estate

Suits the whole theme of semi-dead/undead stuff, no? The people in the band are alive but the band is dead.

San Francisco!!

2006-08-06T23:17:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blogging for quite a bit but I will be blogging often over the next few days to document my trip to San Francisco. Check my blogs out at undergradbyday.wordpress.com

See ya guys!

The broken bus stop barrier post

2006-07-06T19:49:00.000+08:00

After work yesterday, I took a longer route home than usual. In the spirit of randomness and self-surprise, I took a different bus. I knew I wanted to go somewhere different. It felt like something I wanted to go back to.. but I knew it was neither SMU, home nor work.

I found myself at the bus stop at the foot of a familiar hill.

It was drizzling slightly but the familiar upslope walk beckoned. I always wondered if the old Bukit Timah campus was situated on the real Bukit Timah hill or if there was a bigger elevation nearby more befitting the name of hill. From what I can recall of my time spent at the top of the Accountancy Building back then.. I don't think there was anything else higher for quite a distance.

The walk was further than I remembered. Maybe because this time I took time to take in the sights as I walked up, instead of the late-for-class marathon. The trees were as magnificent as I remembered. The Oei Tiong Ham building still carried its great white majestic face, but now it was more a mask.. for I could see that the renovations had removed all the fixtures, leaving its frameless windows open like gaping eyes and one could see that there was nothing inside. A great, majestic lion once reared here.. now it is a hollow corpse and skull.

The NUS shield appeared on the construction perimeter every 5 metres. It almost felt that someone took great lengths to erase any doubt on who now lays claim over this prize. They've taken down the Glass Lounge and most of everything has been carved out save for the first few floors of the accountancy building. The roads and trees and the face of the buildings still felt so natural to my sense. I never imagined how homely the campus would still after a year. I walked past the accountancy to the House 1 area, which was I had a number of performances, discussions... late night confessions.

They demolished the Food Haven building and the Clubhouse. I spent countless hours there... both in the SA Council Room in the clubhouse as well as in the Studio we set up at the Lounge@Haven. The bridge from House 1 to that building now stops short before the road. I looked at the empty field of grass and felt sad. I was confused and couldn't imagine how all those memories could fit into a space so small. I stood on the orange slope steps that led down the slope beside the bridge.. and stared for a long time. It was like dealing with someone's death. My mind had to accept that it will never experience the same thing again.

I walked out through the Botanical Gardens. There was this one spot where there were always a few elders doing Tai-Chi in the wee morning just before the first class. The green grass was perfect and in the dim light of the dusk, the two black swans walking up from the lake to feed seemed surreal. A couple was lounging on the bench and parents brought their children for walks.. It really didn't feel like the hustle and bustle of fast-paced Singapore. I swear it was in a different time-space continuum. Time slowed. I remember always turning back at this particular point in the Garden, where I would see the SMU shield born proudly on the top of the accountancy building. You could really see it for miles. It was always an inspiring picture. Now, there was nothing.

I sometimes think that it is this that makes one age. That process of coming to terms, accepting and moving on. I have had quite a bit of that since the initial carefree undergrad days. A lot of things have changed since the beginning.

It was a hard fight for me to get to SMU and when I was finally in, it was everything that I expected it to be and more. The campus was home, the studens.. all friends. Everyone on campus treated each other with respect. I honestly feel that a lot of that has gone now. Now, students are strangers after hours. I can't enter the library after-hours just to return a book to Margaret Chan. A book she was expecting. The guards stopped me and said they have consulted with Margaret, who was attending the Dean's book launch at level 5, and to pass them the book as well as to write my name and contact so that she could know who I was.

I was infuriated. Not at them because they were just doing their job, but because I was being treated like a second-class citizen in my own school. The person who made the decision not to let me up obviously does not trust students and if you don't trust.. you obviously can't have a relationship and be on good terms. While I have personally experienced how ridiculously destructive and brainless students can get, I still believe we should give students the benefit of the doubt. That extra mile. That trust. I found that lacking usually from the lower administration compared to the higher positions. Usually.

I had to rant. I wonder if its just me feeling like the school has gone from treating us like intellectuals to treating us like children. Maybe some of us are. I had a vision of a place where intellectuals interacted and discussed. We would trust each other to behave in a reasonable manner. We would talk openly and make friends, share facilities, encourage activity and discourse on all manner of things, hold doors and pick up litter. Basicly, we will not be sheep without common sense. I think you know what I mean.

Am I a dangerous criminal when I proclaim that rules are guidelines that should be bent when they need to be? Apply your slippery slope then yes.

I miss the old SMU. I cling to my friends.. the ones that remind me of it. I still nurture the hope that we would one day be that vision of trust and common sense, in a campus that one would readily call home.

Dramatis.

2006-06-30T16:26:00.000+08:00

It is dark here. There is nothing but a single point of light in the wall and incessant sound of dripping. The water never stops dripping.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

It haunts me in my sleep and consumes my days till I barely know the difference. In the silence, each drip is a raucous bang.

They keep me working. I have things to do and yet I feel like I am doing nothing.. wasting my life away. Day and night lose their meaning. There is no hope. Nothing but the darkness, the single point of light and the incesssant dripping.

But wait! Something's changing... the single point of light.. It grows bigger. Barely noticeable but it has grown. Oh and it continues to grow and suddenly it is a huge gaping door. The light is so brilliant, it hurt. The door is open! Freedom! I am free! Today, I taste freedom like the first sip of cool water upon dried, burnt lips. It has finally arrived..

Yeap, you've guessed it! Today I finally get the internet access at work that my boss has been promising for over a month. Phew! I guiltily admit to immediately turning on MSN. When that didnt work, I installed Trillian. Hah! You can't block all the software ports! The Networking knowledge comes in handy. Muahahaha.. watch out world! I am free!

Ahem.

On another note, I've been catching a lot of theatre recently. I've caught Singapore Art Festival's The Wall and Play On Earth and I also managed to watch StageIt's Sword has Two Edges. Sword was a success.

You know how some productions were a success not because of its acting but because of its set design, mood and atmosphere? Well, Sword was the opposite. The student actors and actresses carried the show and it was not an easy show to carry. The beginning segments had dialogue that utterly murdered. Salute to the lead actress, Tabita. She was on that stage under the hot lights for almost 90% of the show, I believe. Jason as the Prince showed more range that I thought he had. The majority of his scenes were love scenes. Seems like playing Ravana during Wayang Ramayana was good practise, eh? Nadiah surprised me. I admit she surpassed my expectations, she's good! Putra and I were discussing where she must have had all that theatre experience. We then realize that her life was theatre experience enough. =p

All in all, it was a good show. I would have preferred it on a more authentic Chinese-opera stage.. the one with all the planks and all. The white tentage and modern stage kind of didn't do it for me. Still, it is a must watch. Get your tickets if you haven't!

If only I had a cigarette box instead

2006-06-30T16:20:00.000+08:00

Hey all, I think you can see that my tagboard got a little screwy and it has lost all your congratulatory tags. Thanks for all the congratulations, guys. =)

Been busy trying to get all the airline and accomodation details out. Never really travelled so far before. Everything's new and surreal to me. Still can't imagine going to a place where everyone talks like Josie.

Oh anyway, in case you didn't know, here's the story about the Iced Milo Halia.

We were chilling at the Tanjong Pagar Railway Station stretch of roadside foodstalls when a very fateful leave fluttered right into Syed's hot cup of teh-o. He waslivid, I was wondering if it would taste better.

On instinct, everyone at the table took cigarette boxes or anything convenient and covered the top of their mugs. My convenient item was my handphone, yeap the one that has the cool orange lights on it that moves around. So.. the story goes with the usual laughter and humour for the next one hour. At one point, a particularly good joke drew a rambunctious response from syed who slapped the table in his uproar.

And with hardly a sound, my handphone promptly sank into my cup of half-finished iced milo halia.

I think the Titanic had more warning but yes just like that famous ship, the whole thing was a disaster waiting to happen, on hindsight. I fished it out and surveyed its pale, lifeless face. Where was the orange glow? Where is the lighted screen? Where was that slight electric shock if I put my tongue just there? (i'm kidding)

One of the first thing I noticed was the pretty girl sitting with her family at the next table was laughing at me. Well, I always liked a good laugh but not at the expense of something so precious. But yes, it was funny. I always said that if it was an ordinary cup of iced milo, my handphone just might have survived. But with iced milo halia, it had no chances at all. It's like swimming alone in the open sea versus swimming alone in the open sea with a bloody squirrel tied behind my back and wearing a t-shirt that says "I love sharks fin but I hate sharks". No chance.

So, thats the reason why you'll see me with a stylish PINK 8250. My sister's. Really.

Badly written rant part two.

2006-06-04T01:32:00.000+08:00

Syed was commenting to me about how things don't seem to be going my way some two weeks ago. I wasn't getting an internship, I got retrenched due to a band reshuffle and was told about it quite unceremoniously by a "friend" over msn, and that my love-life was really quite non-existent. Strangely enough, I wasn't all too effected by it all. I think its because I know I'm going to be okay and doing well no matter what. I have friends that I can trust, friends I can pour out to and know that they will listen and they know that I will listen. The people that care for me make me who I am and we help each other out.

Well, my love life is still quite non-existent and I am still technically without a band but I have found an internship. I am now employed as an IS intern at a company called uniplas enterprises. The details of the job are as exciting as watching Days of Our Lives re--runs. I am setting up an in-house enterprise system using MSSQL and ASP on a linux machine. ASP on LINUX? ASP at this day and age? Yes. I've tried arguing with the boss. What I can do on ASP, I can do on Java or Ruby on Rails in less than half the time, with less headaches too. But the guy is adamant, even against PHP. He is set on ASP to build the invoice/order-delivery, part-maintanence, employee-history system. So I've been spending the last one week working on it. He gave me ten days to learn the language and do up a log-in page with a table display. I gave that to him by the second day (spent the whole of the first day figuring out user-permissions on MSSQL). Now, I'm trying to see if I can structure the code in an MVC kind of way. Putting all the code on the same page as the HTML is making me feel icky.

Okay, okay.. yes, geek talk, I know. Back to regular programming. Why is it that girls don't find programmers sexy? We're smart, object-oriented people, whatever that means.

So yeah. Its a 5 1/2 day work week, starting at 8am everyday. Phew. I'm taking it all in stride. I came to work with 2 kilos of textbooks I borrowed from the library because the boss doesn't want to give me internet access yet. So I download relevant pages onto my Mac and bring them to work.. and consult the pages without clicking on any links. Haha. I'm still happy though. I'm being paid to be a better programmer and I have my own desk and drawers. And office phone. haha. At least it isn't boring work.

Anyway, I put in application for this scholarship thing by Apple to go to the Apple Worldwide Developer Conference in San Francisco this August about two weeks ago. I figured that I'm probably not going to get it but it was worth a shot applying for anyway. The deal was to get to go to the congregation of a huge number of Apple and Open Source (geek talk alert) developers from all over the world. The ticket to the conference alone costs US 1.3 K. The scholarship also offers a US 500 dollar travel assistance and some other freebies.

Yeap, you guessed it. Last week, Leon from Apple told this bunch of us who applied that we're getting the scholarship. Heh.

Really quite something to look forward to. I've never been to any place further than Indonesia and Malaysia. And to be among the world leading IT intellectuals. It's going to be quite an experience, I bet. I needed another 900 bucks to top up on the travel expenditure.. so I was thinking hard on how I could get the money.. when I was reading this newsletter that my school sent out. It had some news on the Profs, showed the profiles of some new scholars in the school. I didn't apply for anything this year because I felt I didn't really contribute much to the school recently and I don't want to just say that I did during interviews just to get a scholarship. So, I was reading.. to the part about awards.. and right at the top was this Ankit Fadia Information Security Award.. prestigious thingy.. with a 500 dollar award.. I scrolled down...

And I saw my online SMU mugshot under the award title.

Honestly, I was flabbergasted (wow finally got to use the word). I had no clue that I won anything.. Quite a pleasant surprise. I thought it was a group award.. and I knew my Information Security and Trust group stood a good chance of winning the award.. so I totally didn't expect to win it as an individual. I promised the rest of the group a huge seafood dinner though. Least I could do, I think. At least I'll still have about 300 dollars for the August trip.

I wonder about the kind of responses I'll get if I tried to use the fact that I won the Ankit Fadia Information Security Award as a pick-up line. Will it work, you think? Or how about my ability to create web forms in under 1 minute?

Eh, my school better than your school okay...

2006-05-22T02:08:00.000+08:00

SMU has been struggling to establish itself as a force to be reckoned with in the local arena of universities for the last 6 years. One of the many things that I take as a sign of its success is the reaction of the other two universities when SMU burst onto the scene. I find some of them really quite entertaining.

Take Miss Ng’s New Paper article on 19th May 2006 about her SMU exchange experience for example. After gushing on how she was enjoying the perks of life in a city campus, she went on to say that she found the inter-disciplinary discussions in a 3-hour interactive seminar too confusing to follow. Well, I do agree it is hard to have and understand long thought-provoking discussions with views from multiple disciplines after so many years of one-way learning. One really has to get used to it.

She went on to say how she preferred her one to two hour-long lectures to the interactive seminars in SMU. My personal motto on this is “to each his own”. I’ve tried a lecture-based system during my Junior College days and have never failed to fall asleep in every single one. Each of us has our own preferred way of learning. SMU’s unique pedagogy has allowed me to stay awake and be part of the lesson. I heartily believe I owe my current first class honors GPA to it, compared to my failing grades in JC.

Hype or not, SMU has established itself as a force to be reckoned with. It offers a different form of tertiary education and I believe the nation is better for it. Its success does not in any way make the other two universities any less and it is best if everyone understands that.

Article Link

I honestly couldn't be bothered with a retort but JZ asked me to look through his. I found his quite a friendly and politically-correct reply, which got me started on a more fiery one.

Still, there are very few things that will motivate me to start mud-slinging rebuttals in a tabloid newspaper. Less inhibitions about doing on a blog though.

My school ten times better than your school okay.. no my school an infinity plus one times better than your school okay!

Another rant = badly written entry.

2006-05-21T02:39:00.000+08:00

I've sunk to being a lower lifeform, I think. My thoughts no longer pricked at intelligent conversation or analysis. These few days have been consigned to levelling up my dwarven hunter on world of warcraft amidst sitting in a mindless stupor in the dump I call my room.

Proud to say, he's level 30 now. 10 more levels and I get a mount.

Right. I like the game but it simply saps away time and thought like a black hole. These few days have been a quagmire of hours of gaming, fruitless dealings on the phone for internship positions.. of which all my applications have been rejected.. and catching few hours of sleep here and there. Here, on my blog.. to my friends.. allow me to rant that despite having a first class honours GPA, solid CCA achievements and a scholarship to boot.. I can't get a position to be some decent department's "do-all-boy". Suck!

Like Kian Wee said, I'm starting to see shadows and spectres behind the rejections.

I think its not what you do.. it's who you know and who your dad is.

Two islands in this sea of wretched living. The first was catching Pensyair Bersepah (i think thats what they're called.. closest translation i can come up with would be.. mess of poets?) during Gema Temasek a week ago. Spoken word and poetry with percussion, guitar, flute. Honestly, it was both a highlight and a mistake to have them during Gema Temasek, which was malay sketch and dance put up by malay temasek junior college students. The poetry made the jc theatre piece wrapped around the pensyair bersepah performance seem pale and weak in comparison. But amazing effort for theatre at JC level. I can't imagine the SAJC malay kids my year attempting even a quarter of it.

But oh, spoken word. The beauty of stepping up onto a stage and simply saying it as it is.. inspiring. Inspired.

The other island was going to teater ekamantra's piece last night. Mentah 3: Barisan Puteri Puteri.

After a year of watching student theatre productions, I was amazed at the calibre of the performers. Not the best but impressive nonetheless. The show was in 3 pieces and the first two had feminist undertones. It was a good piece of luck to have bumped into Fezhah at the coffeeshop situtated opposite substation. She wrote the second piece and invited me to the show. The second piece struck quite a chord with me.. it's title was "the story of Sita as told by she". It struck a particular chord because it featured 3 different women in a similar scenario and one being Sita of the Ramayana. Having done Wayang Ramayana last year, I immediately recognized the scenes and the message. I only found the "undergraduate girl" part of the play a little detached from the rest. I felt that was Fezhah trying to communicate herself through the play but somehow it didn't seem to flow with the rest.

I'm all praises for Mentah 3. Good thing too that Yumi was spontaneous enough to agree to come along to watch. We hung out at Timbre with Syed and Sofia for abit after that. Friday night was fun.

Oh. Saturday morning was interesting too. 5 hours after I got home on Friday night, I was on my way to school to be a tarian (malay dance) dancer for this video that was being prepared for this year's convocation. Quite an experience to come down with more than half my brain still shut down.. learn dance steps and then execute them almost immediately around umbrella-wielding students in a field. Surreal, I know. Need to get that video.

And need to get a real life. No one owes me one. I'm going to get out and do something meaningful.. and not going to let internship rejections and the fact that I got kicked out of a band by a friend that I thought I was close to get me down.

You just watch.

Equality, fairness and justice are not expensive commodities.

2006-05-10T04:30:00.000+08:00

It is 430 in the morning and I was intending to move away from blogging about politics for a bit but I am motivated to reply to a particularly long comment.

First of all, nobody is complaining against the fact that Singapore is doing quite prosperously. We need to thank everyone who had a part in it. The ruling party and its leader, the people of Singapore who built the country, the British, the Dutch Economist that advised the government on how to build the country from 3rd world to 1st, etc. We are all very grateful.

But the issue here is that it is a hierarchy of needs. The first layer would be basic sustenance, the stuff we need to survive from day to day. The second would probably be the stuff we're enjoying in Singapore, relative prosperity.. low crime, clean streets. These needs have been met by the PAP and the way it runs the country. We are grateful. The next layer of needs would then extend to the kind of values that we would like to have in our society. A sense of fair-play. A just society.. a free judiciary. A country where the citizen feels that he has a voice and a say. It is not only the young that asks for this and I dont believe that asking for such is wrong. I believe that these people are justified in their disquiet over the "dangle of 100 million dollars in upgrading" to buy their votes or the various other tactics that the PAP has pulled during the elections, whatever they are.

We talk about how the government has brought Singapore to its present state and how we do not show our gratitude by complaining and pointing out what the PAP is doing wrong. It is wrong not to show our gratitude and so we must. However, we should also be allowed to speak our mind up on things we dont agree with. Done constructively, it is reasonable to insist on this right.

So you say we're not thinking about the bigger picture (as in the many things we take for granted) when we speak our mind up on what we're unhappy with. The fact is, we can have our prosperity as well as a sense of fair play and justice. It is not an either-or. We are not in the hostile political environment of the 1960s where people in politics had their lives openly threatened. It is not completely docile but you cannot disagree that is not as hostile as it was before. Soften up a bit then. I don't think the hatchet needs to be taken out at every possible opportunity.

The real question is do the ends justify the means? Is high GDP growth reasonable justification for politically motivated character assassination? Singapore's history, what Singapore is, what the government has done.. does it justify covering up what it has not done.. and justify what it does wrong.. and justify shutting an eye to what is obviously the wrong thing to do?

Surely all the good things we enjoy as citizens of this country does not justify acts like the detainment of Mr Chia Thye Poh for 23 years without trial.

The other question, and no one can really conclusively provide an answer, is yes the government is good.. but can it be better? Can we ask whether the country could be better run if it was not in the hands of the PAP? The answer would most probably be that there are few who could have done or could do a better job than the PAP in running Singapore today. But it is wrong to say that nobody else would or could have come around and led Singapore to where it is today if MM Lee didn't.

I am grateful for the relatively clean and efficient government we have in Singapore compared to the rest of the world. I am grateful for the infrastructure, the low-crime rate, the cleanliness, the affordable education rate and the peace that all Singaporeans enjoy everyday. All Singaporeans except for those currently being detained or in some form or other feeling the brunt of the hatchet.

Your vote is secret.

2006-05-07T15:18:00.000+08:00

I wanted to blog about the many election tactics the PAP has dealt out that just doesn't sit well with the image of a first-class government.

But I realized that there really isn't any point. It got me started on thinking whether these tactics were justified. The PAP had to do whatever it had to do to stay in power, for the good of the country. The ends justify the means. In a broader perspective, perhaps it does. We need to prevent the oppostion from stepping in and destroying the PAP's good works. For the good of the country, we need to do whatever it takes to prevent that.

This is assuming that the members of the opposition are all utterly incapable and are all bent on their own selfish agendas. I'll leave it to you to decide whether this assumption is true.

Walking away from the 2006 general elections, I was most impressed with the Workers' Party manifesto (even in comparison with PAP's). I was most appalled when the Prime Minister said that having 10, 20, 30 opposition members in parliament meant that he had to devote his time and energy to "fix" them (which he got his secretary to apologize on his behalf for the use of this word if it offended). He then said that he meant he needed to argue policies back and forth with them.. and questioned Singaporeans if that was what we wanted.

Yes. That IS what we want.

I was most disgusted with the buying of votes through offering lift-upgrading worth up to 100 million dollars of taxpayers money. However, I am sure that the government realizes that the growing young population is educated and will probably not be bought over by lift-upgrading. Hopefully.

I am quite surprised at the number of Singaporeans that actually cared about politics. So many came to rallies, discussed on blogs, turned up to support their parties. And at least a decent number of my young friends were stirred by the elections. More than I expected but of course very much less than what it should be. Quite a number of my friends asked me about how my vote went. I didn't vote. I am in the Bishan-Toa Payoh GRC, we had a walkover. It really shouldn't only matter to you when you need to cast a vote. This is our country. It is supposed to be a democratic one. The service required to build this country comes not solely from the men in white. It also does not come from the critic that stands aloof from the contest. It comes from the men who joins the battle and bear their part.

15 minutes that meant quite a bit to her.

2006-05-03T01:21:00.000+08:00

I went to school today and spoke to the malay cleaner auntie. She cleans the School of Information Systems, is over 65 and lives by herself in a one-room-one-hall HDB apartment in Toa Payoh. I say apartment like it implies something grand.

Like I said she lives alone and so when she gets the rare listening ear, she pours out. I like listening to her, she reminds me a bit of my late grandmother. She talked to me about the trouble she has taking the MRT. She didn't have much of an education and can only really speak and read Malay, barely any English. There simply isn't a way for the old uneducated to get around all the obstacles that an MRT trip presents; the EZ-link system, platform jumping and train direction to get to where they want to go. She has only taken the MRT twice in her life and both accompanied. She never dares to go by herself.

She told me she always stick to buses but it seems her senior citizen concessionary really only seems to kick in at night.

"Mana orang tua nak keluar malam malam?" or "How many old people go out during the night?" she pointed out, saying that whoever was in charge of deciding that was smart. Of course they were smart, she followed, or else how to be part of the Government? That phrase was quite thought-provoking.

She did take the MRT yesterday. She went out with a friend to Geylang. She never really goes out, she says, and it was nice just spending time eating and drinking outside rather than always going home after work. There was a huge "pasar malam" or night market in Geylang Serai. At least the Government give us something.. better than nothing, she says.

She then told me she received a letter from the government. I figured that it was the Progress Package letter as she knew she was expecting some kind of money from the Government. A bonus she said that the government is giving to the people who are working like her who usually don't get bonuses. Problem was, she said to me in Malay, the letter was in English and Mandarin and so she couldn't read it.

But I am sure she would have read the PAP booklet detailing the background of the MPs in her area (if it was contested) because it comes in 4 languages.

The problem was also compounded by the fact that none of her neighbours were English-educated Malays. All her neighbours were mainly old, uneducated Chinese. There was an indian family that couldn't communicate to her in Malay. She lives pretty much alone in that place but I'm sure the mix of races is good for racial integration.

She went down to the Community Centre. It's a long walk but she trekked all the way there to try and get some of the kids there to read the letter for her. They read it and helped her get the Progress Package cheque.

It was also that same community centre, she told me, where she had gotten her special medical scheme card. It appears that senior citizens can apply for a discount on medical expenses. She took out her wallet (wrapped and tied in a plastic bag) and showed me her card. I noted there was no money in the wallet. The card, available through an application at the community centre, seems to be some kind of medical care scheme provided by the Central CDC. She wished she knew about it earlier, she said, but its okay.. at least she has some discount when she goes to see the doctor next month. 30-40 dollars rather than the usual 70 dollars. I think her salary is barely a few hundred dollars.

I would never had known her plight if I didn't take those 15 minutes to listen to her. I didn't expect to hear a senior citizen to be so marginalized in today's society. I blindly expected that all these people will somehow be taken care of by the government with the flawless track record. At least now I know better.

Elections.. what is it about?

2006-05-01T18:10:00.000+08:00

What is an election?

An election is the process by which the people of a democratic country choose their constituency leaders. These leaders will manage the constituency (or the area you're living in), represent your needs when necessary as well as be a member of parliament.

Parliament is the law-making body in the country. What this means is that the policies and laws that govern Singapore and Singaporeans are passed and made by this body. The members of the parliament are all elected in (except NMPs).

The ruling party (the party to which the majority of the members belong to) in the parliament then becomes the government. A prime minister is appointed from this ruling party and he elects his cabinet of ministers (e.g. Defence Minister) from his party of elected ministers.

Through this process of democracy, all leaders would have had the mandate to lead the people.

What is a democracy?

1. Government by the people, exercised either directly or through elected representatives.
2. A political or social unit that has such a government.
3. The common people, considered as the primary source of political power.
4. Majority rule.
5. The principles of social equality and respect for the individual within a community.

The right to choose who ~~rules~~ leads you is vested in the people. The people exercises this right to choose.

So is it democracy if the people are ignorant or are too afraid to exercise this right? I'm not too sure.

I used to think Singaporeans were ignorant. Some are.. but I have realized that most are not. Most were afraid. I honestly believed the PAP would know if you voted against them. I remember growing up wishing that nothing would happen to my parents if they had chose to vote opposition.

But then Minister Mentor Lee said on national television, the PAP does not know your vote. How can we tell? Come off it, you mean to say you're afraid?

So, boss.. means nothing to be afraid of ah? So can exercise vote is it? Can choose opposition? Can support opposition? Nothing will happen to me if I go opposition rally?

Okay!

The recent Worker's Party Rally at Hougang

I think the floodgates have been opened. Singaporeans recognize the benefits of having substantial opposition in the house of Parliament. I hope and predict that this would happen. Why?

a. The fear of retribution when one votes against the PAP has been pushed aside by the MM himself. If something does happen, Singaporeans have mandate to complain in force.

b. Opposition has stepped up. Look at Worker's Party manifesto compared to PAP's

c. PM Lee Hsien Loong isn't SM Goh Chok Tong. The SM was able to connect to the people more, I believe. Also, no matter what the MM says about the PM being an individual mind, the fact remains that the PM is the son of the MM. The PM has a lot to win over.

d. We really need the presence of opposition to check and balance the government. At this point in time, we don't want to wait for a scholar to come up and do it.. anyone decent will do.

e. Singaporeans are affected more by the lack of a political playing field than the fact that their lift hasn't been stopping at their floor for the last 5 years. The buying of votes through offering this is more of an insult than an incentive. It is about what's just now, the lower hierarchy needs have been met. If we were all starving and PAP offered food, there wouldn't be an issue.

So what does this mean? Bring down the PAP? Hardly. The crux of the matter is about democracy. The political power lies with the people but this will only be true if we choose to exercise it. If we do not feel that we have in ourselves this right to choose our leaders then at least we should stop kidding ourselves that we are in democratic country. For that would mean we would be lying to ourselves.

Are you going to be exercising your vote?

This is not about emo.

2006-04-30T13:44:00.000+08:00

I got this off Darnie's blog. I never post about online quizes nor do I spend time to take them in the first place but this one is different. Knowing your own love language as well as your partner's is really quite important, I believe. I am not sure how accurate this quiz might be in determining your love language but at least its a start.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		10
Words of Affirmation:		8
Physical Touch:		7
Acts of Service:		3
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

I have always hardly ever been in touch with my emotions as a kid. Pretty much all IQ no EQ. You can imagine the kind of things that I would try to do in a relationship, trying to rationalize emotions. I'm not afraid to admit, I still am rather dysfunctional in that aspect. I guess we learn to better ourselves as we grow and to hopefully make amends for whatever that was lacking before.

Zombies imitate what other zombies do

2006-04-24T14:18:00.000+08:00

I have many irritating traits and one of the many is my tendency to shoot my mouth off. This, I believe, is the distinction that keeps me away from being the noble gentleman. I am not proud of it.

But I will continue to speak up and speak my mind.

We had a performance last night at an event set right in the middle of the Pioneer heartland (somewhere in Jurong West). There were booths and all sorts of performances on stage. The event was, honestly, a way for the MP of the area to come up for a few minutes and ask for voter support. He mentioned it in his speech. I walked around and I felt very sorry for the people there.

This wasn't a fiesta or a celebration for the community. It wasn't there with the social objective of binding the community together or having a celebration among neighbours. The whole thing was a vehicle for a political objective. The winners for the children's costume dress-up competition weren't the kids who had creative costumes (cowgirl costume made up of gardenia loaf bags). They were in third place, the malay boy in the arabic costume, the indian girl in some funny white costume in second place and in first place, a chinese girl in an ordinary indian sari. Any surprises?

Sigh. While I had no right to judge the people, I felt sure most would never realize what was happening. Because they were all zombies.

They all stood around (mostly on one foot), expressionless and dully looking at anything of interest. Anything of interest here refers to any movement or sound namely the stuff happening on stage and my friends and I making fools of ourselves at the side of the stage. If you were there, you would see that there was really no spark of life in their eyes. None of the performances (ours included) garnered any form of response other than some feeble claps (zombies imitate what other zombies are doing).

Oh but I'm a little mistaken. You know how zombies in the movies retain their most primal instincts, for example to feed? Well, the primal instinct here isn't to feed, it was being kiasu.

The queue for the free cotton candy was ridiculously long.. i swear almost 50% of the people there were in always in one queue or another. I walked past the cotton candy queues and received a large shout from a zombie feeling quite self-important, "WANT COTTON CANDY LINE UP FIRST". After an hour on the cotton candy queue, jump to the kacang puteh queue. I swear some of them get into the queue first and ask what it is for later. Parent zombies fervently painting for their children's clog-painting competition. The only time the adult zombies stirred (and it was minute mind you) was when the emcee announced the winners of the lucky draw competition.

The only only ONLY life in the whole area were thankfully, the kids. They were the only ones who dared to check out the politically correct culture booths and play the games there. They were the only ones who responded to the games and performances. Seven Till Dawn played to a bunch of kids last night.

Because zombies imitate what other zombies are doing, they either execute the instruction from the man in white that spoke on the stage (his picture big big on the stage backdrop so must be important zombie) or follow what the other zombies are doing (especially the grassroot leader zombies).

But you know what, I'm being a prick. I'm calling these people zombies and the whole event a political vehicle. While I wish that the people there were alive (intellectually, mentally, emotionally, anything..) and that the event was a more genuine celebration for the community, I have no right to judge. These people are dull and this event was a little spark in their dull lives. Or maybe I have no right to judge them as dull, maybe they were all amazing individuals with perfectly full and active lives. As expected, I was shooting my mouth off backstage on what I saw and how I felt and it obviously annoyed this lady who was putting makeup on her daughter. The daughter, barely 8 years old I think, was to go on stage a deliver a singing performance. She had an amazing voice. The mother looked intently on from the side.

Obviously, it drew no response from the zom.. from the crowd. For a minute, I hated the mother for putting her daughter on that stage. No kid should ever have to go through the depression of having no one appreciating your heart-felt expressions. Jamiel said that maybe it was the kid who really wanted to do it. Granted but even then.. I would really discourage it.

And that was the moment I realized the probable reason why the mother was angry at me. I was describing how everything was pointless, the event.. putting up any performance... pointless to tell the people that they would most probably be voting for the PAP without even having had a single thought about it. I was making it all a hopeless waste but that was not what the mother needed. She wanted hope. Hope that her daughter with that amazing voice will make it big someday in this country and environment that I was criticizing. Or maybe it was simply that she didnt want her daughter to hear all that I was saying.

I dont know.. All I know is that people dont want to be told that they were leading very dull lives. Or that they were being led by the nose. Or that there really isnt any chance of a crowd-rousing performance on that stage. People want to be told that yes.. there is a chance. There is something. There is no benefit from being a messenger of doom tidings.. I think I should strive to be the messenger of glad ones. Perhaps then I would be a step closer to being a noble person.

This is not political blogging.

2006-04-21T02:07:00.000+08:00

I made my way home in the late afternoon today. I sat near the back and on the back seat was a gentleman whose jigsaw puzzle was short of a few pieces.

The guy was crazy and mumbling out loud.

What made the whole thing blog-worthy wasn't the fact that he was crazily mumbling. It was what he was mumbling out. There were quite a bit of mumbling but I caught some rather interesting phrases. All in proper diction, mind you.

"I will work, no, you are of Indian descent not of Indian origin."

"..and he was the first Malay to be promoted to the office of..."

"I will stand in the witness box on behalf of the government!"

"My life, my research. 20 years of research."

The man looked and smelt homeless, with a brown leather sling-bag with a pocket file full of documents and letters. He carried around a stack of newsletters entitled "Changi Express" which he claims to be his research. On every newsletter (he showed me), he scribbled a particular email address, logo and some words in blue ink.

The poor guy is/was obviously educated. I can't imagine what has brought him to such a level. He looked like a starved David Marshall, but that can't be right? Isn't our former Chief Minister dead? Can't imagine what might have broken the man so.

--

Among my friends, I am known as the guy who's interested in politics. Since I was in secondary school, I have always watched the annual national day rally speeches. I needed to know the policies that the government sought to implement. I always care to know.

They call me an upcoming MP or someone big in politics when I grow up. I've always laughed my head off.

As I grew up, I came to know about some of the things that the government implements to keep in power. The lack of a sense of fairness on the political playing field is justified by the Minister proclaiming that nobody else plays fair anyway. Can we argue against that? Yes. Will arguing change anything? No.

It comes down to

a. I run this country well.
b. In order to continue to run this country well, I need to stay in power.
c. I set the agenda and I do these things to stay in power, they may not be fair.
d. Nobody else helps their opposition to a level playing field.

Therefore, I am justified to do these things to stay in power because nobody else helps their opposition and I run this country well.

If you disagree with this, you step into the arena and fight. You win, you set the agenda and the rules. You lose, well, that's another story.

If you are a capable but dissenting voice, we will pull you in. We will let those that do not make the mark go. The people want to see that the ruling party are not overlords so let's give them a choice. In the freak accident that the opposition win the GRC, they must prove that they can run the constituency. Good thing the community heads and ground people in the constituencies are staunchly with the ruling party. They can try getting support from them. Neither will they get support from the government because we rightly favor our own voters first.

Integrity. Service. Excellence. All bases and details are covered. From the contrasting videos of us and the opposition you see on the media to the internal securities act. The control of this country is full-proof.

You have to admire the efficiency at least. A rather chilling admiration.

Ah but ssshhhh.... what do I know? I am but a young, rebellious voice.. stupidly breaking the law by blogging about politics during the elections. Misrepresenting the facts and on top of it all, being rude about it. Is it naive to ask for a level playing field? Perhaps. Remember, you need to stay in power to run the country well. Is it justified? Is it justified?

I'll be honest. I think the answer is, yes.. it is justified. That is why, if my constituency wasn't a walkover, I would be voting for the PAP. It's simple. Something as airy-fairy as fairness does not outweigh a working government. The jagged little pill may leave a bitter aftertaste but grow up already.

And I've stopped laughing.

Where do you shoot them?

2006-04-20T03:48:00.000+08:00

In a small portion of the internet, students from the various tertiary institutions of Singapore lurch battered and bruised to the nearest browser to type out onto their blogs, in relief, disbelief or utter esctasy, the words.. "today, my exams are over! *insert jumping emoticon*"

this initial declaration of freedom will be followed with detailed descriptions of various exam questions, with the necessary bitterness of how it all seemed to go against them and perhaps some measure of relief over the fact that it was finally done.

i can't seem to bring myself to feel the same.

somewhere in the back of my head, an alarm is going off. some bespectacled, balding security guard residing dormant at the security counter of my subconscious psyche is screaming at the top of his lungs, calling this nonchalance a grave cause of concern.

i think its because the nonchalance is spreading to everything, not just exams and grades.

is this a depression thing? i can't find the drive, motivation and excitement i used to have pushing through anything and everything. at the risk of sounding an arrogant brat, the capability is there but i am uninterested.

games, girls, grades, cca groups, social projects, music.. interesting yes.. but i am no longer pulled to anything. All I ask is something to arrest my attention, sweep me up in a crescendo of excitement and drive, rivet me to something more than ordinary.

maybe the problem lies with me. i need to break my mould then.

it's been a funny sort of week.

--

I performed at the Esplanade before, many years ago, in an acoustic performance by Moren Tea Estate. I was extremely driven by the band and its music back then. I remember that performance quite well and I remember a promise to someone that I haven't met since to not play the Bongos again.

After years of watching amazing bands and performances go up on to the Esplanade stage to perform, I finally found myself behind the Outdoor Theatre stage drumset, stepping up as the lights go on, sitting down and playing. I wonder why it is that we consider the bay performance venue such a milestone in a local musician's performance history. Or maybe it's just me. I knew how I played but it felt good indeed.

Especially good to use it as a reason to contact and catch up with so many long-lost friends. Walking and talking bits and pieces of my past wrapped up with a personality and the promise of greater things to come. On one perspective, it sounds a little selfish to describe friends as such. On another perspective, our observed universe is our universe.

I was also up at the 10th floor of the SMU Admin Building today. That was one of the first places I went to in the new campus. We had to recce it last year both for a rehearsal space for the Convocation as well as a temporary storage space for the Arts clubs assets. It's an entire floor, empty of any furniture or fixings, carpeted though but oh what a view. From Bugis to City Hall to the CBD to Fort Canning. I've spent quite abit of my time up there, with late night jammings in the super-equipped jamming space and the stage we built to rehearse Wayang Ramayana. I didn't realize I had such a connection to that space until today. We packed all the stuff up there today to be moved to the new location in the other building. That floor is to rented out I think. I guess, when I came to the City Campus, I found home in the SA Council Room as well as the 10th floor. Now, I will not have either. Nothing much to mope about really.. just.. worth a mention I guess.

Ah well. Still have lots to do. Clearing my room and securing that internship to Standard Chartered, if not IDA. Meetings, meetings, meetings still. I contemplated dropping everything and running off to an obscure beach resort with someone. Problem was I didn't know who to go with.

On another note, my family now knows that I find watching zombie movies very calming and relaxing. Something about watching hundreds of people milling around with only the barest of their primal instincts kicking in feels very natural. Like staring out a CBD window on a Monday morning.

Just shoot them in the head.

You don't have a good reason to not be bothered.

2006-04-13T02:10:00.000+08:00

"It is necessary for people like you and your generation to understand that this is not a business of just voting or not voting. Politics has got to do with your life, your job, your home, your medicare, your children's future.

Suppose it goes wrong, you don't need to do political science to know something has gone wrong right? It's not for the fun of it, it's for the very serious purpose to ensure a good government for Singapore and the adult taking that position, when he gets in, will be equally good."

~ Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew on ChannelNewsAsia's Why My Vote Matters.

I think I rather have projectmates that bite and tear off limbs

2006-04-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

Hi all,

I have spent many hours compiling the report, totalling 170 pages so far.

The report still does not have the Chi-Square tests for Analysis for Peak Periods.

Also, the entire 20 over pages for the Chi-square tests for Occupation is invalid because the chi-square has mostly expected counts of below 1. As stated right at beginning of those 20 over pages.. (I guess you missed the required guidelines in the midst of copy and pasting).. The expected count needs to be at least 1 and 80% of it needs to be greater than 5. I hope that you could combine all occupations listed and categorize them instead into STUDENT, SENIOR CITIZEN, WHITE COLLAR, BLUE COLLAR and OTHERS. This should allow for a valid chi-square test. Please put it in word document format.

I hope that this can be done by tonight so that I can compile and we can hand the report in tomorrow.

Otherwise, I’ll just hand it over for printing. Our group grade (another 20%) will be affected accordingly.

Cheers,
Firdaus

=== word for word reply at 12:47pm the next day===

Hi Ahmad,

As far as the chi square for the peak period is concerned. We had discussed in the previous meeting that it is needed. And, i even tried tabulating the chi-square statistics on the SPSS, but it gave an error message.

Hope this helps

Cheers
Helga -> name has been changed to protect identity

Another random bunch of phrases.

2006-04-07T01:01:00.000+08:00

Singapore Constitution, Part XIII, General Provisions, Minorities and special position of Malays, section 152:

The Government shall exercise its functions in such manner as to recognise the special position of the Malays, who are the indigenous people of Singapore, and accordingly it shall be the responsibility of the Government to protect, safeguard, support, foster and promote their political, educational, religious, economic, social and cultural interests and the Malay language.

Random Phrases in Semi-Sleep

2006-04-03T03:08:00.000+08:00

I'm starting a little project. It's called the Random Phrases in Semi-Sleep project. Objective here is to be near your computer or any writing material when you're about to fall asleep and as you drift in and out.. type out whatever comes to your head.

I did this last night because the laptop was right with me when I was drifting off and I typed out and came up with some random phrases. and yes, I am proud of the fact that they ended up grammatically sound.

First batch of Random Phrases in Semi-Sleep

tired thai toys tie tires tirelessly

nothing happened said the half-clothed priest.

we are all canadians. except for that guy, he's french.

mutual shouting never helped the show.

throw throw the garbage, keep only what we need to live life and survive.

yeah. 100% genuine randomness. now its your turn. go!

Because I'm emo!

2006-04-01T16:19:00.000+08:00

Hahaha. Last night was a blast. I haven't got many pictures yet but I got these two from syarifah.

Who is that guy? What the hell is a drummer doing on the bass?

Hahaha and singing backup for Fall Out Boy songs no less. Haha. It was crazy. I hit a drum mike somwhere during that mayhem.. good thing i grabbed it before it hit the ground and I pulled off a nice stage jump. Haha.. now Ben, it's your turn!

That was fun. And what's funny was Mahdi saying I look "decent-nonsense" and Yaqin blogging that I had the Seth Cohen look.

Haha. Crap!

Distractio....

2006-03-30T17:44:00.000+08:00

I've been quite distracted these days. 3 things keeping me away from my books.

1. Programming! Yes, I am currently quite enthralled with this new framework and programming language, Ruby on Rails. This may sound entirely geeky but, honestly, Ruby on Rails makes me wanna take a dive into the deep end of the programming pool. It automates a lot of tedious stuff. The programming is clear and makes sense. Good god, it's solid stuff. I'm going to pick it up over the summer.

2. Girls? There are always girls I am attracted to around so its not a new distraction. I have gone out but I haven't really been pursuing. I don't know. I don't make a conscious effort to stay single. I just figure that being with someone should ultimately be a deliberate decision based honestly on communication, attraction and chemistry while not be in a position where it's all lust (or we say its not but it actually really is just lust). Sometimes, someone comes along with that right combination and fits. Sometimes they don't. Not everyone fits.. and I guess you'll never know till you try.

I realize that any girls I may be interested in pursuing would most probably get turned off by the massive amounts of geekiness emanating from the first paragraph. I'm going to prove the world wrong! Programming IS Sexy!

Er yeah.. support me here guys....

disclaimer: this paragraph was initially titled puberty. i couldn't think of any other appropriate word starting with p.

3. Performances. I performed with Seven Till Dawn for the SMU Grand Opening, we also had the Face Off Concert and a performance at Timbre and at the ACF Investiture.. tomorrow I'm going to be playing again.. for the Buckets at Starry Night 3. But this time not just drums but bass! I suck at it and I can't sing backup for nuts but screw all that.. Punkrock!

okay actually not really punkrock. I think some of my friends are going to kill me when they know I'll be playing Fall Out Boy and Yellowcard. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

--

Argh! Exams in less than two weeks!!! Mug dammit mug!

Okay maybe after tomorrow's show.

Do the 10 minute Zombie Wipe Out!

2006-03-10T03:06:00.000+08:00

Are there zombies in your neighbourhood and/or around the vicinity of your home? Do the zombie wipe out and check for zombies under the large pots in your garden, in the cellar, on the roof and under your sink.

If you find a zombie, remember to hit them in the head. See picture.

Remember to decapitate any still-lying corpses in the vicinity of your own home. Place heavy boulders over any freshly-dug graves - remember dirt isn't enough. Any family and friends who have been infected and display zombie-like behaviors (e.g. gnawing on the family cat) must be swiftly dispatched with.

Again, if you find a zombie, remember to hit them in the head. See picture.

Do the 10 minutes Zombie Wipe Out today and ensure the safety of your own home.

This message has been brought to you by the Ministry of Health. Probably.

______________________________________________________________
Please seek expert help if surrounded. Contact the ZOMBAT Command (Anti-Zombie Force) at www.zombatcommand.com

rambles rhymes with marbles. bles.

2006-03-10T01:58:00.000+08:00

Hello.

The slight fever/flu/sore throat the last three weeks finally reared its ugly head and sank its filthy fangs into the tender flesh of my health. (drama sia..)

In other words, I fell really sick the last three days. I went to the doctor after my Company Law presentation and this was what he said to me

"que sera sera"

heh. okay maybe not that but he did say

"okay i have some bad news. fevers usually don't last till three weeks, as you would know. it could be symptoms of something bigger. anything from Hepatitis B to HIV.."

me: "okay, i think i'm positively sure i don't have HIV." (i mean gee.. no way!)

doctor: ".. so I'm going to give you some medication and in three days come back to me. if you're still like that, gotta send you for full blood test. might need to hospitalize"

me: "i can't get hospitalized, i have a lot of work to do"

doctor: "no choice. just go get at least 8 hours rest a night"

me: "hey, if i can get 8 hours rest a night...."

doctor: "no choice, you want MC?"

me: "eh no need."

okay, so i've been resting at home and skipping classes. luckily my project group mates are accomdating (i still spent 3 hours on a project report which managed to get really good comments from the prof) and most of the classes can be made up on Friday.

thing about me and fevers.. i get really vivid dreams. and there was this dream i had about my ex-girlfriend. i don't usually dream of her but this one felt real. we weren't together in the dream, we were friends in the same apartment. i just remember waking up thinking that she was right and that i was quite the thwat thinking what i thought was the right thing to do back then at pacific coffee. hooray for stupid life mistakes. ah well.

Hello. You still reading? Good on ya. Not very interesting post this one, is it?

I did get my ass to school today, to catch up on some work. Met Haida at the benches of the SIS building and had dinner with her at Burger King Peninsula Plaza, which she didn't know existed. Then went to the Up Close and Personal session with Chris Ho. Interesting guy, amazingly wide knowledge of great artistes and songs. He gave me a CD. Blue by Joni Mitchell, I think it is. We had to draw lots among the fifteen of us there to get the CD and I got it. the jedi mindtricks really come in handy.

i should be sleeping but I think i've been oversleeping the last few days. i've either been sleeping or thinking. thinking about the kind of person i am today and how for some strange reason, it's a little different from the person i knew coming into SMU. prouder, more cynical. more inhibitions. less fun. i guess i could always think up and pinpoint the things in my life i could blame for turning me into this but that's hardly any point in that is it. i'm not going to let it get me so from today onwards i am going to

a. be more humble and give more respect to others (sorely lacking in this area, i am)
b. lower my inhibitions, reach out more and spend more time with family and friends

it's only human to be flawed, i guess the best we can do is to look at ourselves in the mirror every other day and try to make a change for the better.

and no, this isn't the fever talking. just the result of having some time to self-reflect.

Mind your head.

2006-03-02T12:57:00.000+08:00

I had a little scare in my room a few days ago. I had just woken up from another 2/3 hour of sleep night and in the darkness of the morning, I peered into a mirror and I saw this horrid looking zombie-like creature at the side of it.

Fortunately or unfortunately, when I peered harder, I realized the monster was me.

I looked like a zombie and I positively felt like one too, except I didn't have the appetite for human brains. Okay, maybe a nibble on human ears would be okay. But thats not the point. I was a zombie, a member of the army of the living dead. With a company law exam in four hours.

I lurched to school. I didn't really bite anyone on the way cuz everyone I met on the way was a fellow zombie too and I remembered that zombies don't bite other zombies. It wasn't polite. I started to think of how I could differentiate the living from the living dead. I peered out of the bus window... it wasn't easy. At 800am in the morning, everyone had

a. lifeless, glassy eyes
b. broken posture/gait
c. a slight moan/groan when prodded

..yup, definitely zombies. It was really amazing to me that nobody seemed to be affected by this. Here we are, all fellow zombies lurching away and nobody made a hoot about it all or how it all started or when we all started turning into the living dead. Maybe they all had also woken up one morning and peered into the mirror like I did and realized, "oh hello.. i'm a zombie. right, gotta get to work.."

So I hit SMU expecting to see some form of life. Hah. If you have ever seen a zombie movie, you would have at least watched a scene where a whole crowd of zombies are shambling their way towards something and pawing at it. For another remake of such a scene, come down to the security gantries at the SMU Business School lobby at 830am.

I finished the company law exam with my zombie noggin thankfully still intact. I shambled to a little corner of the admin building and buried myself. and then I watched "Shaun of the Dead" on my computer. Quite a romantic comedy. This was immediately followed by another viewing of "Dawn of the Dead", I swear I think I can start to memorize the lines in that movie. I downloaded a demo version of Stubbs the Zombie, which is a pretty cool game where you get to play the zombie and infect people instead of the usual blast-the-zombie game. Pro-Zombie, I like.

So, I thought so okay, I had a short spell of zombie obsession and the only thing zombie about my life are the movies and games.

unfortunately, not.

I started to look into this whole zombie thing and how that seems to tie in a lot with what I see around me. There's a whole philosophy behind zombies. Going behind the idea of consciousness and physicality. Honestly, it is really difficult to look at all the people lurching around everyday and not think "zombies". Are they conscious and thinking? I read on how people have taken to this and infused it into the way they see their daily lives and made it a formula for success.. Even when I'm studying, I stumbled upon a ZOMBIE programming language and zombie networks.

You say that a zombie invasion will never happen? I say it's already over. Get ready to supersize a McBrain meal soon, you zombie.

Race, dammit.

2006-02-19T21:07:00.000+08:00

Yes, I haven't been posting. I haven't been sleeping either. I haven't been doing much of catching up with my life.. I've simply been running to and fro doing what needs to be done without thinking.

But oh the consequences of that.

Running around like a damn rat in a race leaves me cynical, tired, cranky, sleepy, rude and worst of all, braindead. The common phrase in the army goes "shag cannot think". You get so tired, your brain functions stop. What happens next is 5 weeks past by and you have no idea what happened. It all goes on auto-pilot which is dangerous... talking, reacting, working without thinking probably turns people off at the least and I don't know what at the worst. I think I've pissed off more than enough people the last few weeks, most of them friends. Really sorry guys.. I'm going to work at this.

There's been an entire onslaught of stuff. Performing at the Official Opening, performing at the MLCC Book Launch, technical 2ic for Patron's Day, marketing and all sorts for the SISS bash, the occasional performances and the jamming sessions to prepare for them, the whole restructuring of the Studio Committee, the preparation for the 3rd March Rock Concert.. on top of some quite heavy modules this term. I'm currently now in school, on the Sunday before the "break" week.. preparing for Company Law midterms and presentation. I have 4 mid-terms. None of which I am currently prepared for. The pressure is tremendous, thus blogging when I should really be mugging.

Honestly, time is running so much faster now. I wonder if its the lifestyle we choose to lead or if there is a definite acceleration in the expansion of the space-time continuum that leads to this feeling of time speeding up. Or maybe both. If time has a consciousness, I hope it's not rushing forward mindlessly like I am. The consequences of that...

i'm not the boy two years ago

2006-01-30T21:07:00.000+08:00

the problem here is simple. you never truly stop loving someone. even when you don't want to. even when you know you shouldn't. even when you think you don't. you never truly stop loving someone. true, the love isn't the same any more.. it isn't that tangible, sweet feeling that permeates every part of your body that comes from a smile or a message from that special someone. the love after everything has gone is more of a silent ache of feeling something missing mingling with the memories of having had something amazing in that particular empty place in your heart. i'm walking around with quite a number of aches.

i don't believe there is a cure. then again, i don't believe there should be.

To Paul.

2006-01-30T20:21:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the utter neglect, guys. I swear I've tried to blog at least three times before but each time something or other caused the blog to lose itself. A lot of what I have to say will be long overdue but still needs to be said nevertheless.

Paul from Garage Studio passed away. He was 26 and a fresh NUS Graduate. He was the guy who would take care of the studio at night. He was never the studio guy. He was a friend and at his wake, there were quite a number of bands. Friends, whose lives he has touched. We sat silent at the table for the most time, listening to his bandmate pour his heart out over his loss. His parents were stoic and welcoming but I honestly nearly cried when I saw the barely masked pain in their eyes. He was their only child, I believe.

Paul's death will always be a reminder for me of the fragility of life and the false notion of the immortality of youth. His death and his life will forever personify my concept of mortality. In his memory, I pray to be able to show to all my friends and family how I really do care for each and everyone. In his memory, I hope that more people are inspired to live the lives they know they should be leading.

To Paul. I hope you are in a better place and blessed with God's mercy.

jolly pristine annum everyone!

2006-01-02T12:49:00.000+08:00

Happy New Years.. I just woke up.

Probably speaks of some crazy ass party I've had, to have me wake up in the afternoon of the second day of the year but if you know me you'd know i'm swearing off clubbing. In truth, my new years can hardly be described as wild but was instead meaningful time spent with friends. (everybody go aawww....)

The last evening of 2005 began with a trip to Boon Lay of all places to a place that Ben described over the phone as "opposite Boon Lay CC". I swear Leaven Trait performs in all the weirdest places ever. So thanks to a brand new SBS service to Jurong from the doorsteps of my house as well as locality maps in interchanges, I finally found myself before a very heartland stage not very far from a relative's house (which I used to think as a kid was the other end of the earth). Some teen band was on stage croaking out a very failed attempt at pop punk but the kids will get better in time and getting stage time at such an early age will definitely help them so I begrudged them my ears for battering. Following that was a hip-hop dance performance by six girls which in my opinion were so young they really should be at home rather than gyrating on a stage. I think there were so young, chikopek apeks were turned off and that takes a lot.

Leaven Trait was up next and the performance was quite hilarious. The drum set was afflicted with a case of the "sliding bass drum" and while Ben was quite desperately trying to play.. the bass drum kept trying to get away from him. Roslan kicked the bass drum into position while Joel did a karate kick and knocked down a cymbal. Quite the destructive rebel band haha.

Having little more than 45 minutes to rush down to Marina Bay for the next gig was quite a rush (get it?). Exhilarating peak crowd traffic. Waiting in line for 5 whole minutes just to get onto the damn escalators. The pavements were packed like a Mango store on 50% discount so we took a path less travelled to get to the stage on time. The bus lane.

The stage was good with video and solid sound. I was regretting not having a performance too on that day. Leaven Trait burned the stage that night. Like to little charcoal bits. Burnt. I remember feeling very proud of these guys. What a show.

We stuck around the backstage cuz the whole esplanade was so packed with people. We stood there, arms around shoulders, our feet half sunk in wet mud.. and waited for the fireworks. It was a beautiful feeling of companionship, bittersweet memories and hopeful expectations of a blessed, exciting new year. A beautiful moment.

I was mentally exorcising my demons and setting the rollercoaster of a year behind me. For a whole year, I gave everything to my school. I met and surpassed my own expectations. I dreamt, strived and tasted achievement. And at that peak, I stepped off and exited the plan. I've had quite a number of blows too. Blows that hit hard especially when everything seemed to be going perfect. The year catapulted me up and then pulled my head from the clouds and put my feet back on the ground and made me remember who I was and made me realize who the important people that really knew me were. Being there with them at the moment was something I could truly say was important.

We made our way to the Glass House at Raffles Place and hung out in typical DYL fashion, all over the floor. Food, drinks, jokes, games, failed mentos-coke experiments, random chats. I'm always curious where the time flies to everytime we do this. I'm almost positive that for some reason we attract more gravitons and more time acts on us or something to that effect. Joel's the physics expert.. maybe he can look into this as a field of study.

Keeping in tradition, we had our roti kaya and half-boiled eggs at dawn. It was good. The plan following that was to head over to Charlene's house but a number of us could hardly stand so only Syed and I went over. Roslan and Joel stopped by their houses before heading over to Charlene's. Technically, we were supposed to be trying out marijuana coffee. This being a public blog I would say that the coffee was a hoax and the only thing the "marijuana" did was to make it a little bit more bitter. I mean it cleared Singapore customs. Of course, we will keep mum about the actual effects of the thing.

So headed home at noon on the 1st of January, feeling the perks of staying up past 24hours and a bellyfull of coffee. thick, bitter coffee. yay. hit home, cooked noodles, helped my sis dry the laundry and hit bed at 4pm. and i woke up at 2am in the morning.. which is where the fun part of this blog starts.

i was having a nightmare. i can't remember the details but it was quite bad. I woke up feeling a presence. this not being the first time, i just kept my eyes shut and prayed the ayatul kursi. The next thing that happened is quite a challenge to describe. My body became really really tense like as if someone screamed really really loud next to me but there wasn't any sound. My face reacted like it was in a hurricane but there wasn't a breath of wind. My eyes were clenched tight on their own and I felt a curious feeling moving from the right side of my clenched eyes to my left. Like a butterfly tracing its wings against my skin or a fingernail. It lasted the duration of the prayer and for some reason other prayers did not induce the same reaction. I mumbled the prayer again and it happened again but this time the presence left.. but I was still frozen. I kept still and prayed for about 5 minutes, I could feel my handphone in my right hand. I wanted to dial someone but I couldn't move. I've been disturbed before but this was really quite strong. I've always wondered if these disturbances were really merely some natural phenomenon created by one's brain or body reactions. My thoughts were interrupted when I felt that thing, whatever it is, return.. I could feel it almost over my face. My heart was already beating but I could feel it begin to race and eventually beat like crazy. I have never felt this feeling so strong before and my heart felt really ready to explode. At that point I really couldn't take it any more. I opened my eyes, sat up and shouted "HEY! What the f**k!". There was nothing around. which really was a good thing but it made me wonder if i imagined the whole thing. if i really did imagine it, i guess i can imagine myself to a heart attack. i was positively shaking and i tried to call my mum but she didn't pick up. i called ben thinking that he might be awake. he wasn't but he did pick up which i am really quite grateful. we talked and it was good. i turned the lights on and got rid of the shakes. thanks ben.

i stayed up with music and videos and doodling. I slept again at dawn and only just woke up. Helluva way to start the year don't you think? the next time anything like that happens to me at night, I'm going to just try to open my eyes immediately and face it. And ask it what it's problem is. honestly, tsk. maybe it wants a new year party too.

Some time up in the clouds

2005-12-28T05:01:00.000+08:00

The extended family hired a van and we made our way to Kuala Lumpur and Genting over the Christmas weekend. It was a wonderful time spent with my family, especially my two sisters. Ever since I've started at SMU, I've always felt like I was neglecting them. I hardly see them during term and it is so easy to just lead seperate lives during this period of growing up.. but I won't allow it or at least I try not to. So it was really good to spend a couple of days with them and the family.

The trip up was quite uneventful except I remember having really good prata at dawn in some nondescript area of Johor. Oh, if there's anything to describe this trip by it would be GOOD AND EXPENSIVE FOOD. My generous uncles and aunties took turns picking up the tabs to our meals and we went to really quite classy places to eat. Sirloin steak, fish and chips.. I probably cost a hundred over bucks to feed just over that weekend. =p~

Khai mentioned KLCC as the place to go to at the end of the year for bargains. I went off shopping there by myself and found in one shop, a 980 ringgit pair of jeans. I was quite dismayed. I decided to scour the whole area and I knew I had only slightly more than an hour. I ended the session quite happily trading in $150 for 1 pair of U2 pants, 2 pairs of jeans and 2 really nice tees. I badly wanted to take the 150 bucks and spend it on this pair of jeans and tee from topman but I figured it was a little out of the budget. Ah well..

So, after an intensive shopping session at KLCC, I decided to just take a walk around. I didn't really know the area and I was walking around alone in KL and it was approaching eleven. Common sense would have dictated taking a cab back to the hotel but curiosity (besides killing the cat) led me to explore the area. I wanted to find my way to Bukit Bintang, which I knew would still be quite lively at this time of the night. I would have gotten lost if I had not found Zouk KL. I contemplated going in but I had quite a number of shopping bags and I wasn't in the mood at that moment to mix around with strangers. I hit the dirt road behind Zouk KL.. which I knew would lead to Rum Jungle and Jalan Sultan Ismail. It was dark and I was alone and the probability of getting mugged was high but nothing happened. I walked down the row of clubs there and then walked all the way to Bukit Bintang (the distance of which was a LOT further than I remembered).

The area was still lively. There was this percussion group performing at the junction in front of Lot 10. I walked around the area, thinking back to the time when I came here with friends for holiday as well as to watch Incubus. The old Master Po reflexologist place has closed down. The McDonalds has renovated. There's more sheesha along the streets and more gelato too. I was seriously contemplating getting a massage but it was getting too late and I had to get back to the hotel.

Genting was good. The weather up there is seriously amazing. It really is quite surreal when you step out of the hotel and you see clouds puffing past on the roads. We took the cable car up there and the whole area was covered with clouds. In one of the rooms I was in, a white flouroscent screen on the wall was actually an open window with nothing but white clouds outside! It was good =)

The Return to the Regatta

2005-12-20T04:07:00.000+08:00

I was pulled into a sailing regatta. There was a J24 Sailing Regatta last weekend and the girl's team needed another person on the boat. For those of you who have no idea what a J24 Keelboat is click here. It's a 5 men keel boat and they needed another trimmer. So after a more than three year long hiatus, I found myself officially sailing again.

Being a trimmer was really rather fun. It was tiring work, one had to release the headsail (called the jenny) during tacks or gybes and pull the other sheet (or rope) as fast as we could once we hit the other tack. Tiring but hardly mentally tiring. Somehow.. Su Jun persuaded (I would say hood-winked but I dont really have any evidence to prove such a case) me to be take over the helmsman position and there I was.. helming a boat that I have hardly any time to get accustomed to and gearing up to a regatta in three days.

I admit I wasn't really stressed about it (I know some of you would go.. aiya.. he sure can handle it one) but it did take quite a bit of mental activity to remember everything. Oh sailing the boat wasn't the problem, remembering the finer points of sailing and racing was. It was quite a re-introduction. The regatta had only 5 J24s racing and consisted mainly of veteran sailors. How did I do? We were decimated. haha. It really was quite a learning process as the J24 had significant differences to the laser (the boat that I was used to and have been sailing for years).

After the first day of racing, I went down to the substation to meet the guys. Almost everyone was there and despite being tired as hell, I went along to Arab Street for shisha and chilling out. It was a hilarious night and while it was definitely crazy for me to have stayed over there and not get any rest in between the two days of racing.. i would say that it was probably worth it. I rushed back home by cab, took a quick shower and grabbed about 2 hours of sleep on the trip to Changi Sailing Club.

We were better on the on the second day. My starts were a little better and arguably the boat speed increased, although I realized that the big boat can't take going against waves very well only after the race. For one of the starts, I banged into another boat but I had right of way... it was quite a crazy moment, our lines got caught and needed untangling. For another start, the mainsheet pulley came apart in my hands and at another point during the last race, Miranda (one of the girls on my boat) fell and hurt her back. We stopped racing and headed back. We called the ambulance and sent her off to CGH. I was thinking to myself I must have made a helluva reputation as a J24 helmsman.. banging into boats and getting my crew carried off by ambulance after the race. Haha. It was definitely an experience.

Yesterday was a holiday.

2005-12-12T20:21:00.000+08:00

I was in school early yesterday for a meeting but after lunch I decided to spend some time alone in school. I walked down the concourse, taking in the emptiness of the place. It has begun to rub off on to me. It's plain and gray and white but it didn't ask to be that way and I shouldn't judge the school for it, especially not compare it to the beautiful previous one at Bukit Timah. I walked through the empty concourse which was empty except for a girl at the end of it, posing on her heels chatting away on her phone. It was her, haha... decked up for a Blurt photoshoot. I remembered feeling at that moment how long ago September seemed to be.

I spent a few hours in the student lounge, supposedly resting but I was spending some time on the World of Warcraft. I then made my way by MRT to Tampines. I hardly ever make trips to the East by train.. and everytime I do, I can't escape the feeling that I was travelling back to my past. The train will pass by two of the houses I grew up in, especially the one in Tampines. The place is made of childhood adventures, ghosts and void deck games. The carpark and grass around it is my own personal sacred grove.

I made my way to the stage which was sitting before Century Square and Tampines Mall. The Leaven Trait, Set For Glory, West Grand Boulevard and Surreal were going to play. I remember feeling confused for a bit at how two seperate worlds in my head were colliding, my childhood memories of Tampines Interchange and the local bands that I have come to know and the music that I have come to enjoy since I was a teenager. My friends were there and many more came. The Leaven Trait has a legion of fans =) Everybody rocked the stage that night.. It was pure fun.

We decided to hit the bumper cars. Leaven Trait (& Friends) Vs West Grand (& Friends). Nobody won cuz everyone was hitting everyone (except Ben whose car was going so slow it could have bumped a cockroach and the cockroach wouldn't have noticed =p) Joel and I were cramped into one car.. Two twenty-something men cramped into a child-sized car happily driving around and hitting people. Charlene was extreme-bumpercar-ing. It was a good thing we had the Burger Ramly-ies after the bumping.

Shisha at Al-Majlis was pretty good, I admit I had my doubts. Company was even better with the jokes, the games, the impromptu Santa "alHabla-habla" Serial-Killer video, toast and eggs at dawn and the struggling to keep awake when daylight hit.. this is the stuff holidays are made of. fun, friends and a touch of nostalgic visiting. and you dont even need a passport... the only that was missing was a scenic photograph with the words "wish you were here" written on it. haha.

Facing Up.

2005-12-07T03:30:00.000+08:00

Half of the room is littered with my old army stuff, freshly dugged out from under the bed and given its ceremonial dust off. I should pack all my stuff but the room's a mess and I can't be bothered. I just throw myself into more music and games, stuff that I have put aside for the last one year.

Ever since I dropped out of the SA, I have been coming to grips with the sudden void or lack of direction. I have never realized how much my day to day life depended on the drive or pressure of constantly having something to tend to or do. While I have complained about having 100 over emails a day to read and reply to and getting random students messaging or calling me about stuff, secretly.. it gave me a sense of purpose. And many of you have asked me, why then did I drop out of the students' association council?

I know I have given many answers to this question but it was only a few nights ago, in the still of the morning.. that still of the morning when its so quiet you could finally hear your heart speak.. that i realized why i dropped out of the SA. It was because of the team of friends that I gathered to come with me into the 6th SA. The team that I failed and the team that failed me.

I knew they would follow me (although one has always chose his own path). I knew I could lead them. But for different reasons, I could not get their commitment to follow me into the new council term. Some of you who may not know about the SA may scoff at this but please know that SA work is a thankless service, thankless most of the time at least. They dropped out and I lost my team and I have only myself to blame. A leader is nothing without a solid team. Oh, I could have still run and tried to work it out with the new team and many (and sometimes even I ) believe that I should have. In my head the vision and achievements I had for the SA burned too strongly for me to scale down and in my heart I knew I couldn't do it all. The landscape changed the last five days before the elections. I didn't recognize the view anymore. What a lesson.. you're not a general until your soldiers actually follow you into battle. Before that, you're just potential.

I felt I had to say it. I've had many serious blows during the last one term. It took all my energy to keep going, especially during the exams. I was ready to give up. Wayang Ramayana was a wonderful distraction from thinking. I can't imagine what would have happened if I didn't have it in my life at that time. Friends and family help. I feel the tendency to turn into a social recluse for awhile but I know that should hardly be the thing to do. I have to face all these issues to exorcize them. And that is why I'm writing about it.

Yes, I am disappointed. I have shared my vision and goal with you. You were inspired to follow. We were supposed to be a team together. While the work that this duty demands turns off most of the other students, I imagined that we would still do it. together. You changed your mind at the last minute. You never made clear your priorities till the last minute. You shut me out till it was all over. You didn't want to go for it because the rest didn't. I am disappointed in you but I do not blame you. Honestly. I blame myself. I am 100% responsible. If I was a good enough leader, you all would have followed. But I am not. I never made sure.

I knew some people whose men would follow them to hell and back. I am very far from these people but one day, I dream to be in their league.

Ah well. It is a lesson, among many. And letting this out here has somewhat lifted a weight off my chest. Now, to find the strength to get the rest of the weights off. I realized it is all these psychological baggages that puts a distance between me and everyone else.. and between me and the way I used to be, young and fun-loving. Gotta get rid of them one by one.

Ho ho.

2005-11-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

I've been afflicted by a kind of malady. A malady (or the lack thereof). Get it? Heh. I thought it was pretty clever.

My mail program has also been afflicted by some kind of virus. I've stopped using it and used Entourage instead. Somehow, there's an archive of all the emails I sent during my first term in SMU. I'm quite surprised. I sounded positively enthusiastic about everything then and I'll admit that I sounded quite impressive in my emails organizing the SMU Ministerial Forum for Vivian Balakrishnan back then. I've obviously grown since then.. probably a lot more than the short year that has just leaped by.

I went to Newton the other day. I ate tulang and mutton Steak. My lips were red and the teeth were red too. I also had sugar cane to drink from Ismail Fruit Juices which is a damn suggestive name for a stall. Imagine if one day the fruit part of the name fell down. Then it becomes Ismail Juices. How much would you pay for that?

The monster had a name, and it was Software Engineering!

2005-11-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

My life, for the last one week, has been heavily revolving around the same preoccupation that has obsessed almost all year 2 IS students. The Software Engineering Project. Let me recount the life-enriching lessons that I have gleaned from this project.

a. I learnt that smoke breaks are between 5-7 minutes long and are the most productive time for stand up meetings. I am unfortunately not part of this meeting. I may have to rethink my position as non-smoker. Right.

b. My thoughts and speech become completely incoherent after the third or fourth consecutive night in school.

c. There is a really cool shower facility on the fourth floor of the IS Building.

d. The simplest way to solve irresolutely stubborn test code errors is to just delete them.

e. The longer I spend sitting down and working, the more restless I get. The more restless I get, the more I feel like eating. Or jumping out the window.

The submission for the whole thing was last Sunday but something in me isn't really quite sure it's over. I keep looking over my shoulder for another required submission or a test code gone wrong. You have to watch out for this kinda thing.. they'll strike back when you're not looking..

do you know emocore?

2005-11-21T00:56:00.000+08:00

Some rejected emocore song titles (inspired by the crap over last nite's supper):

jihad my heart
i'm a suicide bomber but you've already blown up my heart
i can't spell uranium without u
love bite dynamite
green grass and bomb fragments
your love's explosive but my fuse has blown
and you knew them by the smell of C4

Post Prod Party

2005-11-21T00:23:00.000+08:00

and you measure the success of it by its post production.

Some pics of the production

2005-11-21T00:15:00.000+08:00

pictures by Carrie!

Rama!

2005-11-15T07:51:00.000+08:00

Some pictures to the show. Blurry though. Looking for more.

What a wonderful wonderful show

2005-11-13T02:57:00.000+08:00

Wayang Ramayana was awesome!!

Good god, I miss everyone already. It was a bloody good show. Seriously, everything was amazing. The Front of House was gorgeous. Everyone was in place and ready by 7pm and nobody complained about it. Everyone gave the highest standards, surpassed my expectations and more.

Carrie, Jac, Tracy, Zhen Shen

Costumes and make up was simply mindblowing. The late late late hours you guys spent at Level 10 Admin Building to conceptualize, do up, sew and prepare the costumes.. plus how you guys rushed with the make up with me screaming at you guys to hurry hurry hurry.

Truly mindblowing. I don't know how you guys pulled off preparing all the costumes and props with minimal budget and time. Props to you! (geddit?)

and Jac, thanks for the gamely filling in as a model during rehearsals and for being a SCREAM of a chorus!

Yu Wei, Michelle, Emilio, Yong Hsian, Sin Gek, Bee Lian

The puppeteers and projectionist. Absolutely beautiful work. Margaret and the esteemed judges were so impressed. I saw how you guys put in so much into it. The water in the cellophane, the characterization, the hours Yu Wei spent just to make Jatayu.. and how u walked around the concourse with the Jatayu puppet.. (to get insipiration?) Honestly, solid stuff. Margaret has been praises for you since the beginning and indeed you guys should be praised.

and Bee Lian, the sheets of cloth were so well stitched and prepared, EVERYONE who came and watched was awed. It gave the stage that professional look and feel.

LN, Gerard, Jinfu, Keli, BE and Studio Comm Backstage and Crew

LN, you the man la. You led the production side of this production to full marks. You took the challenging big steps that I insisted on and turned into a magical stage. You're a strong worker and I have come to respect you more as a person and as a leader. Gerard, Jinfu, you started the set up at 9am. You set amazing standards for yourselves and you hit them despite everything that came in your way. Thank you everyone for making a helluva a stage.. Everything was spectacular.

Derek, Mira, Jillian, Mel, Pam, Kai Hong, Bai Bing, Tina

The front of house looks absolutely gorgeous. The VIP area is a harem la. The reception area was perfect. The ambience with the flames and deco.. with you guys running around managing a FULL HOUSE. Absolutely first grade. Derek, you ran an amazing front of house and please do not feel that you guys are not recognized for it. Everyone in the crew and artistic group were so very impressed.

And all the marketing stuff was so well designed and prepared. You guys met every single changes that I had to throw at you guys.. and churned out absolutely amazing stuff. Pasting up the posters... design.. going through the little changes to put into the programme booklet. Thanks for a job done great.

Tina, thank you for dealing with the sponsors for me. I honestly couldn't keep track of all the details.

and Derek, good god.. if I didnt have you for Finance and Documentation, I would have just simply died. What would I do without you? Haha.

Jovina, May, Su Jun

If I didnt have you girls to help liaise with all the cast and chorus, managing all the movement, covering every single detail, meeting up with my demands of "Where is everyone? Why is he not here yet? Who is not here? 5 minutes to Run Through! Call Jatayu back to stage! etc etc etc". You guys were the foundation that kept the whole thing together through the chaos on that day. And definitely looking forward to the POst PrODuCtiOn PaRtY!!

and Su Jun, you certainly took the challenge of presenting to Margaret and I's standards.. and faced them head on. You did spectacularly on the event day. Well done =)

Daniel, Putra, Heriza

Music extraordinaires. You guys carried the whole show through.. you set the mood. some people have complained to me that you made some of the scenes so scary with the music, they're getting nightmares and goosebumps! Extraordinary. Daniel is the man.

Brian, Guo Feng, Sue Jan, Liu Yue, Bee Lian, Sin Gek, Kenny, Varsha, the Rakshasas, the Monkeys and the rest of the Chorus

Simply the reason why the show feels so full and powerful. It is the things that you guys bring to the show that distincts it from being a mediocre student production to an excellent one and you guys pushed us into the realm of amazing. I was roused with "Kill Rama, Kill" and seriously got goosebumps looking at the rakshasas jump out at "rakshasas roamed everywhere!"

Brian, thanks for all the work with the chorus and characterization. your knowledge and expertise was much needed throughout the whole process.

and Guo Feng, haha.. you finally won the scissors, paper, stone!

Jason, Mita, Louis, Charlotte, Lavanya, Zhi Hon, Saravanan, Karen and Christina

A stellar acting cast. Thank you for being a part of this production and giving so much to it, you guys are truly amazing actors. I am humbled. Mita.. everyone got goosebumps watching you dance. Jason, your entrance into some of the scenes give some girls nightmares and your singing was simply top notch! Everyone gave 150% and rocked the stage. Karen, Christina, you truly were the perfect voices for the show. Absolutely incredible.

and thanks Louis for helping out to block, work with the different characters, and seriously go the extra mile to turn this production into a professional one.

Ja, Margaret

Ja, you gave absolutely everything into this and I kept pushing and pushing. You didn't sleep but you didnt let your responsibility as Artistic Director even falter a little. You led this show and you pulled it off. The credit is yours.

Margaret, your invaluable expertise and advise.. your long hours with us.. your coming down despite being ill and tired.. we all have learnt so much from you, not least the lesson of compassion and caring for others and going the extra mile.

I honestly can't believe that it all went perfectly. Part of me seriously wished it never ended. You guys were simply amazing, THAR003. I'm speechless.

\m/

photos soon.

the end of the secretariat.

2005-11-10T02:57:00.000+08:00

And my term of office as the SMU Students' Association Honorary General Secretary comes to a close.

Phew.

Helluva a year. Worked my ass off (and more) but no regrets really. It was service willingly rendered and I carried out my duty well, I believe. We had our Annual General Meeting last monday on the 7th of Novemeber and for the first time in SMU history, we hit a quorum of 190 people.

We made history, okay.

Here's the coverpage to the annual report that I had to prepare for the council.

and so yea, I headed the meeting to hand over to the next committee. so all there's left to do is to hand over the email account.

yea. hmm.

strange but true

2005-11-05T00:14:00.000+08:00

inspired by ben

[1] he can't sleep with the bedsheet on so more often than not, he takes them off

[2] he likes the smell of some vintage elevators

[3] he always takes at least two hours to psych himself up to call a girl for the first time

[4] he does not step on pavement cracks and the middle of tile patterns, when he's not too tired to care

[5] he only studies by dim, yellow light

[6] he is almost always punctually late by 10 minutes

[7] he goes for random walks at 2 am in the morning just to think

[8] he can cross his eyes one at a time

[9] he still doesn't really know the malay words for sour, salty, bitter, etc.. only sweet (manis)

[10] he doesn't know what adverbs, nouns, verbs, adjectives are. his teachers never taught him

[11] he truly believes that if he puts his mind to it, he can accomplish anything and so can anyone else

[12] he would rather fall in love than do anything else

[13] he eats prata with curry and sugar

[14] he just spent an hour doing this rather than his tonnes of work but won't stop till he hit fifteen

[15] he feels hungry... but won't touch this box of streps that's kept on his table, given to him by this girl once because he had a sore throat... instead he is going to go eat his staple of bread+nutella+butter rather than go sleep or do work

Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows.. Heh.

2005-10-30T03:06:00.000+08:00

I met someone on the bus today. She had the most beautiful, innocent eyes I've seen in a while. She's Chinese, I think with a little bit of an Eurasian mix, I can't be sure. We made eye contact and at first, we kinda frowned at each other but after a while, we smiled at each other. She had on a cute red/white striped dress with nice pink Polo shoes. Pretty soon, we were making faces at each other and smiling.

I couldn't really get her name because first of all, I don't think she really knew it yet and second of all, she fell asleep in her grandmother's arms before I could really get around to ask. She's two years old, I think or maybe a little younger and she lit up my day.

A lot has happened the last few days. After an agonizing five days, I decided to withdraw from running for the Students' Association again. I knew I could have been President but my heart was led to give it away. I then followed my passion and applied to be in the Arts Fraternity but my application was late by 36 minutes and got rejected despite two appeals and despite having Margaret Chan pushing some points in my favour.

I'd dare admit I was so devastated I was driven to tears.

I'm not the sort to cry easily but there were other things that led me to cry that day. My dearest dearest friends. I had friends who stood up for me and wrote such a beautiful letter to the ACF Elections Committee to try and turn the decision. I had friends who immediately started a petition going when they heard my application got rejected. I had friends who all came forth and offered a shoulder and an ear. I had friends who backed me all the way. Touched isn't a strong enough word, I was overwhelmed.

Margaret gave me an Oscar Wilde quote, "Those of us who live many lives, will also have many deaths." I do feel that I have grown from this whole episode and hopefully, I have become someone stronger. I am blessed with the invaluable gift of love and friendship and the events of the last few days have made me realize how truly blessed I really am. Amidst all this, how does one even begin to feel dejected? How do I even begin to return the love and affection that I have been showered with? I can only begin to try and continue to serve in whatever capacity I can.

Also, my friends in the Elections Committee, Chi ching, Paolo, Zhiyang and Sharifah. Please forgive me for any resentment I may have directed towards you. I swear to you now that I bear no grudge to any one of you. Anyone. I understand the agony and the ordeal that you must have gone through to make that decision and I do trust that the decision-making process has been a fair one.

I look ahead and I know that if I ever feel dejected and alone in the future, I'll just be being silly. What an amazing thing to get to realize.. very few material things will compare in value to the knowledge that I have so many people rooting for me.

Heh. And through the whole episode, my dad had one phrase to tell me.. "Good luck, bad luck, who knows..."

Thank you everyone, I don't even know how to begin but... thank you.

Salsa Dancing, Pool Parties... now this is University life =)

2005-10-23T03:01:00.000+08:00

I was helping Jinfu last evening with setting up a small sound system for the Caderas Latinas Salsa Beginner Workshop and Social Night.. went off to get some food, came back and there was this whole bunch of people on the 3rd level of the Admin Building dancing to salsa. What a sight! Then Faye asked me to try and learn to dance with her and I decided "why not?' (how could I turn down an opportunity to dance with Faye..). Learnt quite a number of Salsa steps the whole night, thanks to Faye, Martin, Emilio (Emilio!! Love just shouting his name out.. haha), Varsha, Esther and my beginner dancing partner of the night, Steph. =) We were stumbling all over the place but we managed to pull off some turns and stuff so it was okay. I wouldnt have been able to try out all those moves if I was dancing with someone that was really good.. I'd just freak out. haha. Good thing we beginners found each other. Haha.

Anyway, I think Faye has just got me hooked on the whole Salsa dance thing. I can't believe this.. and you probably can't believe this.. but I think I'm going to learn to be a Salsa Dancer when the next bunch of beginner lessons come.

This evening was quite a blast as well. Went down to Sophia Court for Verghel's birthday pool party. The food was so good that I just kept eating. We just chilled by the pool with good pimpin' music blasting out. Hit the pool when the time was right.. (haha..), tossed a couple of people in the pool (Khai was the most ADAMANTLY STUBBORN person I have ever tossed in the pool before), watched Verghel do a good blow on his candles.. and ended off with watching Andre's recording of Ja's singing in school the other day.

Which is available here for download! Haha.. I know you wanna see it.

http://stripedshirt.multiply.com/photos/album/126

All respects to Andre, who I officially declare is the most artistic IS guy in the whole SMU and I must admit arguably more good looking than me. Haha. Cheers.

And oh.. I really should sleep but I'm going to leave you guys with this publicity teaser for my upcoming Theatre Production.. oh the class and I are having so much fun with it. =) Coming November 11th!

Fish & Good Company

2005-10-23T02:21:00.000+08:00

I had dinner last week at Fish & Co with my first three months JC friends who are conveniently all October babies. Lynn, Joanna, Greg and I. Erina's still in Arizona but she gave me a call during my Software Engineering Project meeting last week and we spent some time catchin up which was really sweet.

Spectacular spectacular.

lynn, joanna and a very tired-looking me in the middle.

Utterly delectable.

Waiter: "Enjoyed your meal, sir?"
Me: "Yes!"

Waiter: "Here's the bill, sir"
Me: "Erm..."

Weak attempt at vogue.

I love these magic brownies that jump into your mouth when you're not looking..

and Lynn has fallen under the spell of the magic super beer..

We hung out at Harry's@Esplanade after that. Chilled, chatted and Oreo Cheescake. So nice to finally catch up with one another after so long.

And oh yeah, at Fish&Co.. there was this girl I knew in JC that sat behind us. Her name is Fadilah, this girl I had a major crush on back in JC. It didn't turn out well back then so it was an awkward wave goodbye when she left with her family.
Yea, I'm the sort of guy who can definitely move on from falling for someone.. but I'm not the sort of guy who can forget. Ah well..

Great Ah Fu BBQ

2005-10-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

It's been a nice break week last week even though I quietly begrudge the fact that I never really got away from school.

The theatre production group is still going forwards, full steam ahead.. We stayed over school a few days ago, in the Economics School Multipurpose Hall. What a wonderful place to stay the night over in. We worked on the script till about 5 am, bunch of crappy people.. artsy crazy. Haha.

Oh there was that BBQ at Pasir Ris, Ah Fu's Great BBQ. Met Jamiel in school and left for that small mosque in Novena behind the Revenue House. The minute we reached the front of the mosque, we were greeted and cajoled (?) into joining them to break fast. Food was spread on the floor and we were insisted upon to feast. Jamiel and I couldn't stop grinning. The porridge was tasty, the tea tarik is one of the best tea I've ever tasted and the Briyani Dum was tops! Shioookk. We ate, we prayed and we ate again. Haha. Really nice place.

We left the mosque and rode on Chinook all the way to Pasir Ris Park where the BBQ was going on in full swing. I found out that I had an innate talent to cook satay and to cause the dying embers to burst out into dancing flames again. Fifi the Satay Man. Haha damn. There was another cake for me again there but this time my face was spared the cream/cake treatment. Food was good.. we sang all the classics, we joked the crappiest, lamest jokes, we talked about how we can start to turn Jinfu into the cassanova that he secretly is inside. haha.

We stayed past midnight and suddenly it was raining heavily and Jamiel, Jason and I found ourselves under a shelter. We grabbed what food we could from the grill, gathered what warm clothes we could and chatted all the way till dawn. Seven till dawn indeed. Haha.

Disclaim.

2005-10-14T00:43:00.000+08:00

I read my previous post and found it quite a messy read. Lesson learnt, no overly long post after an overly long day.

111005 indeed.

2005-10-12T02:19:00.000+08:00

Wooaaaahhhhhhh...... I think I'm going to have to break this entry down to parts.

Story of the Mad School Rush

I hit school today at 10plus am, after a whole morning of vivid dreams. Meeting then went down to clear the SA Room. Gee, that was more tiring then I thought it would be. Took almost all the bullshit out and threw most of it away. Good thing Chiching came down to help out. Chiching, you rock.

2 hours of that and I felt weaker than a limp, wet sock and probably as misearble. Tired out. Lifeless. I attributed it to the lack of food in my stomach, the lack thereof causing a definite deficit in much required energy. Yea. I dragged myself to Studio Comm meeting in which I was roused but still in a state of minimal activity (just enough to keep breathing). CJ called it the standby mode..though some of his jokes were corny enough to make maize weep.

Went down to crash a Networking Tutorial session, in which I realized that the Prof wasn't saying anything new. Went down to Classroom 2.1 SESS and quite a bit of the Theatre class was already there. Got the meeting started, broke them down to groups, listed what we needed to do by when. Was pretty efficient so managed to leave at 430 for Maju Camp.

At this point in time, you must be thinking that I pretty much looked like a walking zombie. Some of you might say I look like that all the time (bastards :P). But you must understand, I'm Super Hero Fir and I made a promise to take the damn IPPT so take it I will.

Zonked out in the cab there. The preparation of the IPPT was a no-issue. There were no sophisticated IPPT machines here. In Maju Camp, you do the IPPT old-school (i.e. PTI-surpervised). Except for pull-ups (where a strict PTI counted my 10 pull-ups as 8), I scored 5 points for the static stations. My tongue was limp and I needed a drink but between me and a nice cold glass of water is about 25 minutes and a 2.4km run.

Ergh.

To cut a long story short, I passed and was quite surprised I didn't feel like passing out. Lack of food definitely brought about some light-headedness but who needs a head when you're running right? Er.. yah. So, after taking my results, I went over to my locker, opened it.. took out my Nike shoes (i was wearing running shoes) and my bag, swung my bag over my shoulder and left.. looking forward to a nice glass of water.

It was only when I got off the bus at Tanglin when I realized I forgot to also swing the plastic bag containing my Nike shoes over my shoulder. *smacks head* I left it on the lockers.

Story of the Missing Shoes

Feeling quite an ass of myself, I made my way back to school where I sat down finally to some dinner. Told Edmund (yes the guy who sells brownies/cookies at Kopitiam) about my shoes and asked if he had the guardroom number. He told me his friend could help. I peered at this uncle sitting at a nearby table. I had my doubts.

Edmund came over with a number. I dialled.

Guard Commander : "Hello, Maju Camp Guardroom"
Me: "Hello.. erh.. I just took IPPT at your camp and I left my shoes behind, do you happen to have a lost and found section?"
GC: "Er no.. where did you leave it?"
Me: "At the guardroom I think.. or no.. at the lockers, in front of the Processing Centre. Can I come back to get it?"
GC: "You will have to book in ah"
Me: "Okay, when's the latest time I have to go back there? Eleven can?"
GC: *discussions* "Eleven cannot ah.. wait ah.."
Me: "Okay..." *waits*
GC: "Okay.. I go look for your shoes"
Me: *wah......so good ah??* "Erm okay, thanks. It's grey nike shoes"
GC: "What's your name and number, I'll call you back.."
Me: *gives name and number*

So I went to the Uncle and thanked him for the number and I said.. "Wah, Maju Camp guards quite friendly ah.."
He laughed (nearly his head off) and said.. "That's because I called them first what"

So I started to think that this guy must be big.. CSM? RSM? I was thinking of this while I was heading to the gym for a shower.

*Locked* Argh.. no hot water..

Headed over to the nearby toilets.. No hose, no tap, someone shitting in the cubicle with the hose. I rushed to the toilet beside the seven eleven for a sad, quick, cold shower. The guy had to call me back in the midst of it.

GC: "Ah hello, feda-oos? I found your shoes ah. I keep it with me at the Guardroom, you can come and collect later."
Me: "Okay, okay, power, thanks man"

Haha yay. My grey Nikes are found! Went over to the uncle (after I dried myself and put on some clothes of course) and told him about it. He called the Guardroom.

Uncle: "Hello is this the Guard Commander? Yah, Sergeant Riyen? This is Colonel Seah. Yes, thanks for your help with getting the shoes ah. Yes, he's standing beside me now. I will send someone to go and fetch it from you. Okay good"

My eyes were quite wide. I thanked him and insisted in trying to get the shoes myself, he said Edmund will help pass me the shoes the next day. We talked, I told him that I was from 4 SIR, part of the 6 Division. He told me he was Commander of the 6 Division once.

Woah. What are the odds that this man, sitting almost nonchalantly beside a pastry shop, was willing to help me and had more than enough rank to go around? Humble fellow too. I'll buy him kopi next time I see him in SMU.

Story of the Chijmes Performance

So yes, I made my way quickly to Carnaval@Chijmes with my fatigue walking 3 steps behind. I completely forgot all the songs that I was going to play and quite honestly, I still haven't recovered enough blood in my head since IPPT 3 hours ago. It was a grand crowd of 8 in the beginning but luckily, it filled up pretty quick when we started. The stage sound was crap though, I couldn't hear a thing. We were all tired, playing quite crappily but we were just fooling around and having fun.. Plush was the worst song I've ever performed though.. I was quite begging for it to stop. It was just horrid.

But I was quite over it.. just having fun with the guys and the crowd as we played.. Was drumming out to An Jing when Gerard brought up a birthday cake onto stage for me. Aawww. I blew the candle, *I always take this opportunity to wish for impossible things* and enjoyed the moment when they all sang a birthday song to fifi. So much for making a manly first impression to strangers there, huh? Haha.. Honestly... it was beautiful, thanks guys =)

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU ROCK MY SOCKS OFF. *GRINZ*

Carrie then smashed my face into the cake after which I went on a cake smearing spree. I didn't think I looked tasty but having chocolate smeared on some people arguably makes them look more delicious, no? Haha. Fun night, fun night. Pulse (the next band) rocked the night.

Ending Note

So that was the prelude to my birthday. Quite eventful. Tomorrow doesn't promise that much excitement though but if it's one thing I come away with today is that there are very few things in the world more precious than having a good time with friends that rock.

That and if you believe your shoes are going to come back to you, they will!

Oh and that nobody has access to the gym showers right now.

Anyway, everyone's still welcome to give me presents (haha blatant-blatant). Don't be shy, yah? Haha.

Will be quite an 111005.

2005-10-11T01:44:00.000+08:00

I was prepared not to retake my IPPT but I got nudged to do it yesterday and I booked it tmr at 5pm. So I'll be running out of Theatre meeting, cabbing down to Maju Camp, run my heart out, cab back to soundcheck at Chijmes, do some last minute rehearsals with Seven Til' Dawn, grab some food in between somehow, catch up on the Theatre meeting, liaise with Pulse at Chijmes, then perform at 9pm.

And I'll be having back to back meetings from 10am before that. Yay for my 11th October schedule. and this is supposed to be my break week? break or BREAK?

Best part of it is my two good friends, Eugene and Hafiz are planning a to beat me up 22 times at the stroke of midnight as a birthday present. They have quite the warped sense of humour. *cue nervous laughter*

Oh yea, I didn't really mention it officially. I'll be performing Tuesday (today) 9pm at Chijmes (Carnival Bar). Do drop by and chill out. Might be the last time you'll see me standing for quite awhile.

You know, I've been such a horrid friend, missing my friend's birthday parties and missing wishing them properly.. all in the name (excuse) of being busy. Really sorry guys.

Do drop by Chijmes though. (Ros, get well from food poisoning first =) )

SMU Students' Association

2005-10-09T21:04:00.000+08:00

haha i love this poster.

Ramble Ramble.

2005-10-09T20:31:00.000+08:00

Had some time to myself this afternoon and I spent it the best way possible.

I slept.

After that I woke up, felt a little nostalgic and went to read my blog archives. I have quite an old blog back at sponge.pitas.com. Quite a bit of funny stuff.. but don't go too early into the archives.. too many embarrasing stuff. I read about all the stress I went through the last two terms and how if I can pull off dealing with all the SA work while keeping to my goal of hitting the Dean's List, I could do anything.

Like Wanida would say, "coolness bananas!"

I guess it does rock to read up again on what you have achieved before to remind yourself that you're usually far more capable than you think (though some people think too highly of themselves). Ah well.. i've always believed that if you can put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything (Doctor Brown, Back to the Future)

oh and if you've lost your head for an entire year and only just found it, you might have missed a really funny radio show on 987fm, also available on podcasts. the don and drew show. get it off your itunes. (if you don't have itunes, you suck. =p)

Foo Fighters - Best of You

2005-10-09T20:03:00.000+08:00

I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holdin’ you
Were you born to resist or be abused?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
Your trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
Your trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I’ve got another confession my love
I’m no fool
I’m getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

drums = shiok.

2005-10-09T00:43:00.000+08:00

Some of you who know me long enough know how insecure I get when I need to perform and drum on stage right after a really good drummer just blazed on the drumset.

Ah well.. those days are gone.. waahaha..

Played at Indochine last night. We didn't win but it was like a kind of special night for me considering the other drummers who played on that same stage that night.

Jordan, plays with the resident band there, also drummer for Rafe, heard he's going overseas to some top class Percussions Institute and get a degree or something. I think Syed says he can come back and set up a drumming school.

Yi Meng, played semi-pro, went through the club and pub circuit. Plays with the symphony orcheastra. Plays with Soul In Session (the other SMU Band to play at Indochine that night)

Kian Ping, the really good drummer guy back in SAJC. When I started to pick up drums, he already 10 years of lessons I think.

Usually, I would be like nervous or something, conscious of my playing.. of the drum skills that I gleaned on my own. Heh. Now, not only do I don't give a damn who else is playing.. I'm happy with my playing style. to boost the ego some more, some big shot musician guy at Indochine said I was pretty good too. Hah.

Just play lah. Enjoy.

Oh anyway, if any of you SMU people are interested..

fired down and drowning in Incubus

2005-10-03T20:13:00.000+08:00

"..when everything's a mess
and i stumble with the words
you remind me that
you remind me that.."
~Incubus, Live in Malaysia, Vitamin Solo

"..this party is old and uninviting,
participants all in black and white.
you enter in fullblown technicolour,
nothing's the same after tonight..

if the world falls apart,
in a fiction worthy wind
i won't change a thing now that you're here..

cuz love is a verb here in my room..

..pink tractor beams into your incision
head spinning as free as dervishs' whirl
I came here expecting next to nothing,
so thank you for being that kinda girl..

~Incubus, Here in My Room

I'm trying to gather the momentum again. I need to get fired up. I will. I just need some time.. with music as my solace and muse.

Funny thing is quite a number of you guys kinda know why i'm feeling like this. like you already knew or expected it.. ah well, to those who cared, thanks =)

Finally sailed again

2005-10-03T01:12:00.000+08:00

My blog says this is the 50th post. Everyone say yay. yay.

I went down to Watershock, this SMU sea carnival thing at Raffles Marina. Give me 2 seconds to bitch about this place.

DAMNBLOODYFARCAN?SIALAHTUASSIAL!TOOKALMOSTTWOHOURSTOREACHSIAL.
DAMNFREAKINULU.WASGETTINGMALAYSIANHANDPHONERECEPTION!!ARGH!!!

Phew, yah okay can already. Thanks.

Anyway, was helping out to emcee for the adventure race segment. I finally got the chance to sail again today too! =) There were some laser picos and Josh said I could just get on one and sail around. It took me all of two minutes to get the boat ready and launch and punch into a closehaul. I haven't forgotten much in 3 plus years. Ingrained since childhood. Had the opportunity to teach some fellow students to sail too. Fun. Free lunch, sailing, emcee-ed, free tee.. capped off with a Huge chicken chop dinner at Banquet. Good day.. only problem (other than moping about this something.. which is a seperate issue) was I didnt get to study the entire weekend and my mid-terms are next week.

Ah well, yea. Here's to sailing again.

Shed.Ink

2005-10-01T11:20:00.000+08:00

In the field of our minds, we could feel that we were breaking sacred ground.

Shed.Ink Playwriting Competition. Playwriting. What possessed Ja and I to delve into this, without any experience or prior knowledge, I have no idea. We presevered, Ja down with fever and flu all night long too. We had to cough out a play, incorporating a couple of clues, and we had 8pm to 8am to do it. We did struggle out something. Winning material? I'm not too sure.. but it was indeed a night to remember.

What did we write about? It's about a boy and a girl with a problem that they can't solve. Funny thing is I've had this idea for quite some time, only that it was intially planned for a short film.. recent events have kinda provided fresh perspectives to the whole issue.

Honestly, it's hardly good, we churned it out in a matter of hours but maybe I'll post it up.

Money still good.

2005-09-29T01:47:00.000+08:00

Oh yea, some good news. Mendaki and SMU talked about the whole scholarship thingy again and decided that since it is not government money but a personal donation, I could have the money. So now, they're going to forward me the first half of the money in about 3 to 4 weeks.

Yay!

I'll start to ask for some of your account numbers soon. =) Oh and also some tips on driving.

God is great.

Superhero Fir

2005-09-29T01:20:00.000+08:00

I came, I saw, I screwed it all up.

I went to take my IPPT today at Khatib camp right after I had a huge meal with my parents at Bugis Junction. Seriously quite full but I figured it'd all be digested in an hour or something. So after changing into my PT kit, registering at the counter and getting my tag, this motley bunch of NS men sat around to watch the IPPT briefing on a small tv screen. That done, we proceeded to the five static stations.

Shuttle Run

The equipment they use nowadays are amazing. You run under this gantry, touch metal strips on the ground and everything will be recorded and stored into your tag. I stepped up and proceeded to begin my first official exercise since I ORD-ed two Aprils past.

Timing: 9.4secs

Wow. That's pretty darn good actually. Surprised.. That's one of the best timings I've ever got. You need to get at most 10secs to score full points and if you take 11 seconds you fail. Ah well.. next station..

Sit Ups

The machine here is this black Mat thing on the floor with a red LED display showing ur tag number and score. Looked like something that jumped out of the Machine City from Matrix Revolution. I sat on the mat and strapped my feet in. Laying down there, I felt like I was about to get processed or chopped by the machine or something. I started the sit ups and the counter started.

Score: 41 sit ups (with 15 seconds to spare)

You needed to do 40 sit ups in 60 seconds to score full points. By this time, I was full of myself. Wow. No training also so fit ah.

Standing Broad Jump

Ah.. this one no problem lah. To the line, JUMP!

250 cm, 6 cm more than the highest minimum score.

What can you expect from super hero fir right?

Chin Ups

I looked at the chin up bar and thought, okay lah.. aim for eight. 6 to pass, at least 2 more for face. Up I go...

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... ergh.. 8... 9........ 10........ 11........... 11 1/2....... argh.... down.

11 chin ups. Wow. Okay lah. needed one more to score full points but still a whole 3 chin ups more than what I thought I could do.

2.4 km Run

So feeling all super hero about myself I proceeded to the 2.4km track. The PTI told us to rest for about 20 minutes after the static stations..

PFffftt.. do you know who this is? This is Super Hero Fir! I'll run when I want to! and so I did.

and promptly after the first round, got a huge dallop serving of stitches on my right and left stomach. My stomach was so full I felt like I just ate a horse. I was in pain. I wanted to die. I did die, I think.. somewhere after the 3rd Round. 6 rounds of this? I was silently cursing all those oldies overtaking me on my right. I tried to use more of my legs, stride more.. I tightened up my stomach.. I leaned forward, I controlled my breathing... I kept going... finishing line..........

Timing: 15minutes.

ARGH! For the first time in my life, I failed running. 15 bloody minutes! A blindfolded cow can moonwalk around 6 rounds of track faster than that. 6 minutes away from Gold. you could sing a whole song and still have time to spare in 6 minutes.

my dignity now utterly disposed of, I went to school to find my solace, cramping all the way there too I might add.

So yea, moral of the story is.. Super Hero Fir? SERVES YOU RIGHT! My result slip says it all.... FAIL! try harder next time.

Oh but you wait. I'll train and I'll be back!

It's all about the..

2005-09-25T16:24:00.000+08:00

This happened a week ago but I just felt like blogging about it now.

Some of you guys might know that I received a scholarship from SMU. It's supposed to be a $3000 offset off my tuition fees. Problem is, my tuition fees are already subsidised 100% by Mendaki due to my household income. So what happens? Money from scholarship can't come to me because it's for my tuition fees and mendaki has already promised to pay for it all... so after some discussions between the two.. Mendaki said that it's either I go for the tuition fee subsidy OR the scholarship.

$6500 every year for 3 years OR $3000? no brainer right.

So now, SMU has asked Mendaki to allow me to keep my scholarship in name, and the $3000 goes to Mendaki for this year. Effectively, Mendaki pays $3000 dollars less for me, or gains $3000 in a way.

Sigh.

I'm just complaining because this is no way an incentive for students under the Mendaki subisdy to work hard and get a scholarship. I doubt there are many scholarships out there that pay strictly allowances rather than tuition fee subsidies. I'm only sadder because I made plans for that $3000.. definitely one of the first things I would do with it would be to pay all of the money I owe my friends and get a driving license? Ah well.. I'm going to try to appeal to Mendaki and see if I can smell a bit of that money. Family really needs it now man. Damn.

Sorry if I haven't been meeting up with some of you guys or promised to chip in for a present but pulled out at the last minute... Gotta find some way of making some dough real soon.

James J. Braddock

2005-09-24T00:47:00.000+08:00

I watched Cinderella Man today and am really quite amazed at how affected I was by it. The movie is about a James J. Braddock, a boxer who fell on really tough times during the Great Depression and how he fought back to the top when a second chance presented itself. It would have been another cliche fairy tale boxing story, I think, had it not been for Russel Crowe's quite stellar acting and how real the frugality felt to me. I could definitely connect to how it feels to have a guy cut off your electricity right in front of your doorstep. I have never had to beg openly for money to reconnect my lights but I can definitely imagine the sheer desperation of a father with 3 children to feed and having no other choice. I felt the tenacity of a man, old and untrained, about to be beaten down in the boxing ring.. who knows that he has NO CHOICE but to fight one and win. No choice BUT to win. Because he knows he cannot return home and look into the eyes of his children and tell them that he has failed and given up. That he just can't do it. That there won't be food for them. That he can't get the electricity going. That he can't keep the roof over their heads. No loving father can bear to do that.

It was only at the end of the movie that I realized how beautiful and blessed it was for the people who endure through such times to come out with something intangible, precious and priceless. With faith, we will be pressed but never be broken and God willing, we will bear out of this crucible as steel. It is during our hard moments that we know the meaning of hope, faith, endurance, it is from these moments that we know the meaning of blessings and it is after these moments that we realize the beautiful story that God has prepared our life to be.

I have tremendous respect to the people who have turned around adversity to blessings with legendary humility. Go watch the Cinderella Man and compare the stuff that we're made of to the man known as James J. Braddock.

Blurp.

2005-09-20T12:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, in the midst of all the heavy discussion and workload, doing something as trivial as a blogger quiz can be quite a relief.... makes me ponder on why the need to act all pompously serious all the time..

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty.
At work and school, you do best when you're researching.
When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often.

In friendship, you are considerate and compromising.
Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking.
You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

The Birth Order Predictor

the sea..

2005-09-11T01:18:00.000+08:00

Talking to Adelene reminded me of my love of the sea. If you've known me long enough, you would have known that I have been sailing since I was primary four. I've spent quite a bit of my growing years on the waters.. at least twice a week for about 9 years? I've always felt a special connection to the sea and secretly I nutured a belief that everytime I came to her shores, I was answering a silent call. The sea was somehow home to me.. a feeling I felt that might have crept up from deep within, my ancestors have always been sea-faring folk after all.

The sea has taught me the meaning of a beauty so intense, it ached. I've seen fiery sunsets splendidly emblazoned on an orange sky immersing in a sea of molten gold. Breathtaking. I've splashes of red, green, orange ink in the afternoon sky. I've learnt to appreciate and see the terrible beauty of a great storm. I know how it feels to be on a wet, white deck in the middle of nothing but blue. Blue skies above, blue seas below. I know and am constantly reminded of how small I am amidst all of God's glories.

If you know me, you would know that my love of the sea is very close to the centre of my being and you would know that my sailing experiences have defined so much of me. You will also find my sailing friends all similarly inspired and humbled.

Sigh, it's been a while.. =)

I'm on Today

2005-08-31T19:16:00.000+08:00

I was woken up today by an SMS.

"Eh, is that you on the cover of Today?"

I woke up instantly. *okay maybe not instantly* and wondered what could possibly happen to have my face on the cover of Today. I figured it'd probably be just a prank or something. Headed down to school, turned on my laptop and received an MSN message.

"What you doing on the cover of Today?"

I was like.. I dont know. How'd you know?

"Look at Gerard's Nick" and I looked and saw *FI FI ON TODAY*

Hmm. Another MSN message about the cover of Today spurred me to investigate. I switched the browser to TodayOnline (which luckily was still free unlike some other publications) and downloaded the publication. The first thing I saw was a Crimewatch Ad which got me thinking that I might have been just a passing resemblance to a "felon" on the ad or something....

until I saw this

Erm. and then I stared at this...

Oh man.

That was that percussions performance I was involved in a few weeks ago in Orchard Road. Got paid $50 for quite a number of hours walking around whacking a drabuka. Played that thing till my hands got sore. It didn't help that they put an "orgasing" photo of me with the drabuka in a very suggestive position.

Ah well.. at least I'm on the front page of a local newspaper. Condolences are welcome though.

MTV. I Like.

2005-08-30T12:10:00.000+08:00

If you happen to walk past the new National Library yesterday at about 7pm, you might have seen a quite a sizable group of people clapping and dancing to a band performance.

But not any ordinary band performance. This one didn't have any sound coming from it.

I was part of that band and strangely, I wasn't behind the drums. I was cavorting and putting up a posuer-ish pretense of playing the bass. Unplugged. Not acoustic, really unplugged.. no wires. Even the amps weren't plugged in. There were no sounds except for the sound of the drums and our unamplified singing.

What's up with this? Have I gone mad?

Quite. Anthony from Garage Studios needed a guy to fill in for his bassist for a video shoot yesterday. We were supposed to just pretend to play, to a real crowd, carry real equipment, do clapping and all that.. all video-ed and everything. We even had make-up and proper lighting.. heh.. really quite interesting. I was just playing on some frets, playing "Slither" and a lame attempt at "I will Survive" .. pointless.. even the bass wasn't even in tune I think.

But who cared? The people got their video and I got my 30 bucks for an hour's posuering work. *grinz* but ah.. if you ever get to watch the video anywhere.. please watch it with a pinch of salt. It's sure to be a laugh. Heh.

The "Punkrock Bass Drum Leap of Faith"

2005-08-29T03:27:00.000+08:00

You know you had or watched a helluva show if you find yourself in the Hospital Emergency Ward at the end of the day.

Just got back from the Singapore General Hospital because Roslan needed medical attention. He caught a dose of "Did-A-Punkrock-Jump-Off-The-Bassdrum-And-Now-My-Middle-Collateral-Ligaments-Are-Torn" syndrome. The Leaven Trait's show at Takashimaya fountain today was standard rockin and it ended off on an amazing high note of everyone crashing together and Ros running from stage right and rightfully LEAPING off the bassdrum to land on his right leg and back, guitar clasped tight and GT6 effects in tow. Knowing how tough he is, nobody thought he could be injured until he didn't get up and the emcee asked "Are you okay?" to which he replied with a grin "I don't know!"

Then proceeded Operation: Support Ros's Leg all the way to SGH in which we spent the next 3 hours and Ros got wheelchaired, x-rayed, prodded and taught the Art of the Crutches Stairclimb by master psychoterapist Ellipan. Overall, the lessons of the day can be summarized as follows:

A. We're not young anymore
B. We need to stretch before every show
C. We now know what a Vulgar Stress Test is. (If you want to know, ask me)
D. Drummers only need to worry about flying wood splinters (or in extreme cases, flying cymbals that lodge in the neck)

So, if you know Roslan and want to help him out, we're having the Support Ros's Leg Fund.. forward any sum of money at our future gigs soon. We'll keep a guitar case open with a nice little sign. He may be needing surgery soon and your little contribution will go a long way in supporting Punk Rock Jumps.

Anyway, drop by the band's site and show the guy some love. Leaventrait.com Get well soon, Ros!

End of Holidays

2005-08-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

It is the last day of the holidays and in many, many ways, my first. I sit to take stock of all that has happened from day one. I realize that I have suppressed a lot of emotions during this time, both pleasant and unpleasant. I have been in this working mentality, in which I push myself to deliver results but now there is this whole mess of feeling, emotion and thinking to catch up with that I have no idea where to begin.

Today, I finally came to terms that the band that I started out in, the band that gave me my first real stage performance experience, the band that I grew up as a musician in, the band with whom I have shared many dreams and aspirations with, the band called Moren Tea Estate is dead. It is a sorry state of affairs.
Please know that the band is dead not because of what you did to Ben but what you did to all of us. We were the price you were willing to pay. Perhaps it is simply that the rest of us treasured the band more than you did. While I understand the motivations behind what you did or have been doing, I know that personally I would have acted different because of the ties I have built with my friends and because I hold myself up to a higher measure.
Self-destruction is a choice, my friend. We can always choose.

I have also been caught up in a whirlwind of self-destructive behaviour. I knew it to be self-destructive because I knew it was wrong but I continued anyway. It was self-destruction and definitely lust. Though I have almost forgotten how it feels to be in love, I knew what we had can hardly be called love. We were close but in the wrong circumstances. To me, we both did wrong but I knew it was weak behaviour and I hated myself for it. You're right, it is the memories of how I felt when we touched and I hope you understand why I need to shut it out. No matter how we justify it, it was still wrong. I hope we can just simply leave it behind us and for what its worth, I'm sorry.

Being involved with Baybeats was something of a milestone for me. I have finally the opportunity to work for the beacon of local music shows and work with the many known faces from the scene. It is a measure of how much I enjoyed their music when I am still a little too shy or "starstruck" to speak to some of them on normal terms. Yes. Me, shy.

Coordinating the whole logistical move of assets from SMU's old Bukit Timah Campus to the City Campus, working out how all the clubs are going to be bunking into the new campus (considering many of the club areas are still on construction) and dealing with these issues daily have been quite an achievement and all because of the amazing, efficient and reliable people that I had working with me through it all. Zhong Yi, Leonard, Jason, Sebs, Xiaoxiang, Felix, Weizhong. What a stellar team. We'll have our welfare dinner soon enough guys, we deserve it.

I was Convocation 2005 Front of House Director yesterday and it was seriously flawless. I have to profusely thank my assistants, Adelene, Yvonne and Jiahuan, who have been the backbone of the whole department. It was, in the end, the worst case scenario that we had to deal with and we handled everything perfectly... even the registration of about 1200 freshmen was fine. I really wanted to thank everyone who volunteered to help out with FOH personally but I couldn't yesterday. Big thanks guys, you all did amazing.

I got my Dean's List certificate a week ago but I'm still in a little state of disbelief about my scholarship. I received a call just a few days ago, telling me that I have been shortlisted for a scholarship. 9 people chosen for 5 awards. I went for the group interview the next day with 2 Year 4s who are really quite experienced with such interviews and I was a nervous wreck for the first 30 seconds. But I luckily managed to get a grip of myself and took control of how I felt and spoke out. I got chosen. Yesterday, at convocation, I took some time off my FOH Director duty to go on stage and receive the scholarship. I have seriously never considered myself to ever be in there. Surreal still. How can I be a scholar? My teachers back in Secondary School will never believe this. Bastards will think I probably stole someone else's. The Discipline Master back in SAJC told my dad that I'll grow up to be a criminal. Haha. Just goes to show that you can screw what these people say and decide exactly the kind of person you want to be. There are no limits to what you can do.

Ah well, that's enough looking back. Plenty of stuff to look forward to. Honestly, can't wait for classes to start. Heh.

Void Deck Rituals

2005-08-09T02:54:00.000+08:00

The task ahead beckons but with a different call everyday. You usually find me at school because honestly, school's my retreat. No one's hardly ever there and the only people that I bump into are friends. My quiet space is in that little niche in the CCA Area of SMU's City Campus. Everyone needs their little quiet space. My problem is my quiet space is in the very heart of the last place I should go to distress.

--

My favourite time of the night. 3 am. And yes, I'm at the void deck again. The white of my laptop screen a little dim to conserve what battery usage I can. The night bringing about it a crisp notion of silence and cold. My handphone happily buzzing with messages from a very nocturnal friend. I sit on a green plastic bench, something that distinctly reminds me of lego. A crack breaks the silence. The uncle on the stone bench just ahead cracked open his can of soya bean and sat savouring it with a ciggarette. He didn't stay very long. Finished with his drink, he got up his rickety black bicycle and pushed off onto the night road. The occasional vehicle breaking the silent monotony. What refreshing air, what a majestic sky, what an inspiring moment.

It'll be quite perfect if I wasn't mosquito-food at the same time.

Quite amazing the many varied rituals that are conducted in the sanctity of the HDB Void Deck. The loud, garish Malay Weddings, the omnious Chinese funerals, the get-together Pot Luck dinners.. the secret rendevouz of young couples, the quiet solitude of lonely elderly, the quick refuge of a rebellious youth, the hot-blooded confrontations of gang members.. and now one more to add to the long long list, the starving undergrad searching for his wireless internet connection.

--

Twenty two years old in two months. Is this old? Some of you older folks might snigger a little at my youthful musings. Some of you younger people might wonder at my ramblings. Honestly, I fear sometimes... at the speed of which we hurtle towards a finality to our perceived sense of immortality. It is perhaps this anxiety for death which breeds a zest of life that inspired men to push for greater things. Things often beyond their immediate reach.

Sheesha Gig!!

2005-07-21T15:47:00.000+08:00

You guys just got to be there!

Baybeats 05

2005-07-12T12:45:00.000+08:00

I hope you still have your weekend free because Baybeats 2005 is hitting town this Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

I'll be co-organizing so you have to drop by and rock out. Cheers!

Disappointment

2005-07-06T03:17:00.000+08:00

One of the few things that I cannot tolerate is to see the work, name and feelings of good people being tarnished by people who act or lash out without thinking of the consequences. I have had the privilege to encounter two incidences of such today. Foolish is the word. Actually, foolishness is forgivable but foolish behaviour that affect other good and innocent people cannot be tolerated. It was a miscommunication but he had no qualms jumping the gun and casting the SA Exco in the same light as unprofessional scum. With no remorse. Guilty until proven innocent. Well not anymore. No one is going to have the luxury of smearing the name of the SA Exco as and when they feel like it. I feel strongly about this because I see how each and every attack on our reputation affects my team members. We work really hard and things like this just makes us jaded. All of you know how dedicated we are in serving the school. It's time that people associate the name of the SA with the dedication and service that we offer daily.

The other incident can be summarized in two words, foolishness and betrayal. Trust is not something easily regained. You lied to me point blank. Think about that. Think of the consequences of your actions. Why are you so foolish? Didn't you think at all?

Quick update

2005-07-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

Watched StageIt's musical, Anything Goes, last night and it was a blast! Our amazing talents blew the house away. The actors, the orchaestra, the sets... Good stuff people!

Andrea recommended a playground near her place for me to tap access for my internet-starved iBook and here I am. At last count, the generous people of Sin Ming have a total of 9 wireless networks open for tapping. My thanks and gratitude. You help a starving undergrad read his mails and finish his work.

So mostly a trivial update here. It's hard to write well when you're always on the lookout for policemen.

doubleyellowline friends

2005-07-01T08:31:00.000+08:00

I'm back, people. =)

If you didn't know, I popped a 6-day Melaka-KL pill last Friday with my best bunch of rockstar friends. We watched a movie, swam, had supper at all hours of the day, jammed, performed, shopped, walked, took photos, bed-jumped, hero-posed, ate like crazy, talked about all sorts of crap and even played multi-player chikopak. Hope to get the photos and videos soon. To the gang, it was top-notch fun. Cheers to the DYL Malaysia trip and to a Thailand trip end of the year.

And to you two, you should have absolutely no doubts that we all are right here for you if you guys need someone to talk to. Just one phonecall and you know we'll all be there anyplace anytime. We're friends.

Cheers to the doubleyellowline peeps. Cheers to all of us. \m/

Some of my fav pics.

The rest here. Courtesy of my talented friend, Ave.

Old times

2005-06-20T13:50:00.000+08:00

I have been living all in the present, running the rat race thoughtlessly. I have neglected my blog. I have neglected much the last few days, not least myself. I stop now to take stock of my surroundings and my bearings.

The last few days have been awashed with nostalgia. My JC Sailing teacher got married in a small church near Queenstown and it was wonderful to meet up with the old Sailing team again. We went through a lot together and I forgot how fun it was just to hang out with them. I truly felt the companionship we have for each other, part of me wishing that there was something else that could make us band together again as a team to fight towards. Wouldn't it rock if one of us got a keel boat and we all took part in an International Regatta? Maybe someday.

I met my old GP teacher in that church. She exclaimed that I was exactly the same. *grin* We talked and I'm surprised to realize that I've made such an impact on her. She remembers me. She also told me how my previous Form Teacher, Mrs Tan, used to light up whenever she talked about my class. Her proudest class, she said. I loved Mrs Tan. She really cared. My mischievous and deviant nature had never won me fans among my teachers, in fact most condemned me to the hell of mediocrity and labeled me an irritant. Not Mrs Tan. She knew my potential and she really cared. That touched me and till now my class and I are still devoted to her. I hope to meet up with the class and her soon.

I keep my memorabilia in an old white box. I looked for it last week and after hours of searching, thought it was lost. I was genuinely depressed. It kept all my letters, gifts, pictures, among other things. Amidst the resulting turmoil of emotions, I strangely felt the need to apologize to the sender of these old letters. It was as if something special has been tainted and disturbed, even if it was past and gone. Today, I got home and found the box on my table. My amazing sister had found it. :) Really meant a lot to me. I poured over its contents. I guess that there will always be times where one would feel the need to reconnect to a previous part of one's lifetime. Security? Nostalgia? Companionship? JC was truly the best time of my life and I know I owe so much to so many people from that period of my life. I took quite a bit for granted and for what its worth, I thank you and am truly truly grateful for having the privilege and honour to have gotten to know all of you. You guys made me what I am today.

Sign of overwork?

2005-06-20T13:49:00.000+08:00

I reached the void deck of my house and decided to whip the laptop out to see if I could download emails using some random wireless network. Success! Some generous neighbour has allowed me to download some 50 odd emails. Got upstairs and realized that most of these emails weren't downloaded completely. So told my dad that I was going to be downstairs for a bit and went down to get some work done.

10 minutes later at 115am and there was no reception at the exact spot where I was fifteen minutes ago. I walked all over with an open laptop searching for a signal. What a sight. 15 minutes later, I found my spot. The foot a pillar 5 metres from a staircase in the next block. Geez. There I was, answering 50 odd emails (all work from school) replying to urgent MSN msgs when suddenly two guys came up and said

"Eh, police. What you doing?"

Damn. Think.

Me: "Erh, doing work.. heh."

Policemen: "Huh? Doing what work? 2 am at the void deck?"

Me: "Doing work lah.. Got lots of work to do ah.. " *sympathetic grimace*

Policemen: "Where you live?"

Me: "Ahh.. just upstairs"

Policeman with a "sure-or-not" face: "Gimme your IC"

Other policeman: "Got record or not? What school?"

Indignant Me: "Erh.. No. SMU."

Policeman: "You do work.. why never go home and do?"

Me: "Erm.. Need quiet ah and don't want to disturb the family"

Policeman with the "sure-or-not" face: "Then why never sit at the stone table there?"

Me: "Dirty ah"

Policeman: "Hah? Then you sit on the floor!"

Me: "There got people spill drinks.. here just dust."

Policeman with sibei "sure-or-not" face: "You see ah.. you sit here. So suspicious, a lady walk around here, thinks you're up to no good.. you get in trouble. Then some more now holidays, teenagers come and grab your laptop.. can make 1 thousand 2 thousand dollars.. how?"

Me: *teenagers?* "Erh yah okay"

Policeman: *gives back IC* "Better go home ah you"

Me: "Erh yah okay"

Policeman: "Don't stay around here"

Me: "Erh yah okay" *walks off*

I know the policemen were just doing their job. I'm just wondering how'd they know I was there.

Black and White

2005-05-26T15:59:00.000+08:00

Photos my children might not believe I took.

more

Gee.

2005-05-13T02:15:00.000+08:00

I've been a bad bad blogger.

I haven't had the time to settle down and sit in my own skin for longer than a minute. My friends tell me I look like I'm going to keel over anytime. Maybe I am. I wonder how it would feel to just fall forward, land face first into the obligations and responsibilities that I have designed for myself and let things lay where they land. One part of me is quite surprised at what I'm capable of producing and doing, another part of me knows I'm not doing as much as some others are. Right.

Watching B-quartet at Bar None and getting drum tips from Syed has left me practising 5, 6, 7-strokes and 3-way stick tricks with my heavy pair of drumsticks. I keep going till someone nearby gets irritated enough to tell me to stop. Changing my grip is leaving me a beginner again. For some reason, radiohead keeps playing on my itunes now. Have we all been B-quartet-alized?

You know some movies where all the actors speak really fast and the story line just keeps going and going until the chorus of the movie hits you in the face like a sledgehammer? My life has been reduced to my house, school and the occassional random walks to town. The walks are good. They slow the pace of the movie so that I get to enjoy the scenery for a bit.

Someone knock me out and force-feed me a vacation. I'll be eternally grateful. Thanks.

Breather

2005-04-30T10:33:00.000+08:00

I must apologize for the inactivity on this page. I would not attribute it to laziness or being too busy but rather having a brimful of things to share and not knowing where to begin.

The exams came and left me with surprisingly better results than I expected. Yes, I did well. Yes, I got into the Dean's List. Now, what? I have always wondered what it would take to be counted among the academic best. I would never have expected it. My pre-tertiary grades can account for that. Why did I work so hard to get it? I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. It is a not a label that I chased just so I could parade it. It was a fundamental need to assure myself that yes what I have said to friends and family all along was right, if I really studied I really can get the grades and bloody hell, so can you.

It's been simply mad since the exams ended. So many obligations, so many things to do. I hope you guys can keep me sane.

There's a whole backlog of pics to upload, I'll clear them soon.

You are who you're with

2005-04-16T18:50:00.000+08:00

Hey, meet the people I always hang around with.

We're an intellectual bunch. Really.

Heh. Rockstars.

You live you learn

2005-04-10T22:50:00.000+08:00

Exams starts tommorrow and I'm putting on a brave front. God knows how prepared I am. I pray to be in the right state of mind by 2pm tommorrow. I'll put in my best effort but my head just keeps repeating the scene in the "Fight Club" of Tyler Durden in the limo and how he said to let go. Let go of the steering wheel. Let go of controlling life. Once you've crashed, you realize it ain't half bad.

I wonder how it feels to be in a car crash. Sometimes, when I'm getting a ride on the "Love Machine", I wonder how it would feel to be suddenly flung off and crashing into a barrier or a car 20 metres away. It'd be like pressing a pause button on everything that's happening in my life now. Nothing would matter in that split second. Is this freedom or escapism?

My parents might be afraid to know I entertain such thoughts but I think they know I'm mature enough not to do anything stupid. I keep my responsibilities and I keep my word.

I have never really liked to think in the vein of "if only things were different". Personally, I'd rather affect those changes to occur than wish for them.. but we are all bound someway or another to the choices that we have made before and also bound to the type of people we are. So while stuff like exams suck, there's nothing to do but do them well because the choice was mine and it has been made.

Nothing to do but to walk on and love life as it is, the bitter and the sweet.

Unencyclopedia-tric Questions

2005-04-10T22:25:00.000+08:00

Can the birds ever choose to keep silent?
Does a drifting leaf have in itself any way to stop itself from falling to the ground?
Will the tides ever stop?
Do lovers ever look away?
Can a mother ever choose to not love her own?
Do criminals ever weep?
Should a man ever cry?

No signs of spectacular vocab here

2005-04-09T02:20:00.000+08:00

Being called a rare gentleman by Izati seems to be praise of the highest order. *beams* Flattering, flattering.. hardly deserving.

It is a little heart-wrenching to have the summer holidays suddenly coming upon us right after the exams. I'll probably end up missing hanging out with everyone in school so much that I'll just be sticking around school through the 3 months and hoping we get to congregate somewhere in the new campus. The new campus is too big, too dispersed. Cosy Bukit Timah rocks.

I think I'm in self-denial. I need to come to terms that we're really leaving this gorgeous campus. It's like a break-up. Or maybe I'm just being over-sentimental.

Or maybe I'm just having a couple of loose screws from all the mugging. Nah. I'm fine. Just ask my pet rock, Eugene.

Anyway, I've kinda accepted the fact that I'll probably not be able to hang to a GPA that never fails to put people into a state of disbelief. Not unless I give up all my other passions. I'm still determined to graduate with at least a 3.7 though and have a life. If I keep at this for the next four years, my younger sister might be finishing her As before I know it while the youngest will already be Sec 2?

Crazy if I'm not going to be a part of their lives while we're still growing up.

Shortly more than a week and exams will be over. Work would only have just begun though and damn it, screw worrying over the grades.

Mid Mugging Madness

2005-04-08T01:55:00.000+08:00

I have a class at 8am and I'm still online. Loaded with bread oozing with Nutella and Butter. I've been eating that since I could remember. When I was in my peak sailing training days, I could easily eat 1/2 a loaf of bread in one sitting. Now, 4 slices suffices. I wonder if my decreasing appetite is reflective of a lower metabolism rate. That would be good news. I'd gain more weight and probably can get into a boat and start sailing again.

Andrew, the OSL guy in charge of Sailing in school, asked me if I wanted to join him and represent Singapore for some keelboat regatta up northern malaysia waters. I figured I couldn't commit. Not this year though I dearly want to. Lots of things to reach for and achieve while still having the cover (or excuse) of being an undergraduate.

Nothing interesting or funny happens when you're mugging all day and night except maybe you feel a great urge to be munching on something all the time. Also, the more my brain starts working absorbing everything from business torts to object oriented diagrams, the more my brain starts thinking up wicked drum beats and sequences. I was going through syllogistic logic (analytical skills) when my hands and feet tapped out a 5/4 sequence ascending to a 6/8 then to 7/8 and god knows what.

freaky shit. but good.

of course, when i actually get myself on a drumset and start THINKING drums.. all this magic fades out.

You know the best part about playing drums? It's not the coolness or whatever you think it is. It's the fact that the drummer becomes every song he plays. No actually, he doesn't play the song.. he reacts to the song. He lifts it up and brings it down when he feels like it. A guitarist even a bassist know they are parts of the song.. they're playing music, a part of the song. The drummer carries the song, is carried by it and just kinda reacts. He's part of the groove, he holds the rythmn, he makes standard or awkward beats with his snare and he punctuates with his crashes.

I'm biased but I think drumming is the best thing to do in a band. =)

Okay, back to mugging reality.

morning weakness

2005-04-04T07:39:00.000+08:00

Both were convinced
of a surge of passion between them.
Such certainty is beautiful
but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

When love is uncertain
it mingles in with pain and longing
more beautiful yes
but sadly only in the vein of tragedies.

The holidays approach and I'm slipping back into a whimsical mood.

Post Supper Drama

2005-04-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

After supper at KTM Railway Station, I got a ride home with Jamiel last night. 330 am in the morning and his motorbike died, right in front of the new SMU City Campus.

Despite much persuasion, the bike refused to comply to getting us home so we ended up pushing the "Love Machine" all the way to the Shell Station near Tanglin. We rested, tried negotiating with the bike again.. then went down through Nassim Road to school.

Nassim Road at 4plus in the morning isn't a very nice place to have a walk.

Still, we made it in one piece so we just chilled at Evans Building till dawn, grabbed some breakfast and took a bus home.

Yea, we have pics.

Chillin on the roof

2005-03-30T23:54:00.001+08:00

I may still have that compulsive obsessive itch.

For starters, it's hardly a disorder but I don't walk on pavement cracks. Not because I'm afraid it'll break or I think it's bad luck or anything. But just because. I can't really remember why, I just do.

Pavement cracks and those lines with the black rubber in them. And I try to step in the middle of the tile unless it gets too tedious.

I may rearrange a table over and over again just because it wasn't right.

And I have building wanderlust. An unexplainable need to explore an interesting building, usually school. I went everywhere back in SAJC and now I can finally say I've been on an SMU Roof.

That's me, Jamiel and Gracia.

Too bad the real roofs are locked up. Yes, I've checked.

SMUve to the New Campus

2005-03-28T15:09:00.000+08:00

Have you guys seen the ads for SMU's Symbolic Move to the New Campus? All credits to Gracia. Amazing stuff. They're in this order but supposed to be side-by-side.

and a banner to top it all off..

Good stuff. Here's wishing a flawless event by Ecube.

Audition Me

2005-03-27T23:50:00.000+08:00

I went down to ChannelNewsAsia's Audition Me today. Supposedly with Jamiel but he bastard me out at the last minute. Registration for the auditions ends at 5pm and at 445pm, my incessant calls to him got through..

Me: "Hello, Jamiel!!"
Small (about 5-6 years old) girl's voice: "Hello, nak cakap ngan siaper?" (Hello, who you want to speak to?)
Me: "Eh.. Jamiel ade?"
Small girl: "Kejap eh.." (Wait ah..)

1 minute pause

Small girl: "Jamiel tidur." (Jamiel sleeping)
Me: "Erh.. okaylah. bye" *click*

1 minute pause

Me: "nabeh"

So I called Lin and she came down with her friend Kai. I got her form ready until we realized she had to be 21. She's still only turning 20. (wah still so young..) Still, they stayed around and gave lotsa tips and helped me get my hands on a can of red bull.

And some of you know what happens when I get my hands on a can of red bull. Give you wings? More like gave me space shuttle rocket jets.

So it turned out pretty good. Lin video-ed it with her camera. Don't really know if she's going to post it up. My mannerisms seem akin to a really enthusiastic debator. Wanted to move around but I was confined to a small box on the floor. Ah well. Don't know what got me to actually audition. Didn't think to do it till some of my friends brought it up.. and Jamiel seemed so deadset to go at 330pm.

Anyway, here's fair enough warning. If you see me on tv, don't freak.

Drugs = Social Integration

2005-03-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be doing an analysis of an article on legalizing a regulated retailing of soft drugs. I think Singapore shouldn't begin to think of doing such a thing. First, it's against the values of the conservative majority so cannot. Second, we wouldn't have been the first to do such a thing (Amsterdam first, I think) so no point doing.. no brownie points to score. Third, changing how drugs are being circulated now will affect the tenous racial balance in Singapore. How so? Allow me to explain.

Drugs, all manner of them, play a really big part in racial integration. The Chinese, the Indians and the Malays are all part of this huge network of suppliers and consumers, it really is heartwarming to see. No addict is going to discriminate against his fellow addicts of other races. My needle is your needle dude. My candle is your candle.

Amazing stuff.

Anyway, the entire thing is seemless. All the races play a crucial part in the drug economy. The Chinese, they import the drugs stuffed in their pig lorries, making sure to drive through customs that are manned by the Malay policemen. They pass the drugs to be trafficked by Indians, who then spend the money to drink (contributing to the GDP). And the Malays refuse to be left behind and come in as consumers, spending loads of stolen parents' cash just to be a part of the whole economy of things.

And they said that the Malays aren't doing their part for the economy. Melayu boleh.

Kidding, I'm kidding.

No but really, I'm happy that the number of drug abusers among the Malays have dropped over the last 2 years mainly due from heavy support by our VGOs and Welfare Organisations. Hope to not see a Malay version of that anti-drug ah beng gangster advertisement.

"Siang kiter murid, malam kiter member-member. Ini Dolah, Salleh, Zal, Mat, Joe, Buntal, BoyBoy dan ini aku.. Kiter kalau tak main bola, kiter pukul orang. Kalau tak pukul orang, kiter keja pumpuan. Kalau tak boleh keja pumpuan, kita sharing ganja. Ganja power beb... Power.."

I said, Do you want (one) more song?!

2005-03-26T00:43:00.000+08:00

SMU's Starry Night

I emceed, performed and helped organize a show in SMU two nights ago and it kicked ass. All my friends kick ass and everyone who came down kicked ass.

EIC kicked ass.

All the bands kicked ass.

My co-host, Wanni, kicked ass.

and after all that shouting, I'm left with a throat that felt as if it had its ass kicked.

But still the show kicked ass.

Now I just have to kick my mind into mugging mode for the rest of the term.

I am Jack's ductless glands.

2005-03-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

Failing my JSP Test threw me into a bout of depression, something I thought I outgrew but I realized is something one has to deal with in life. It also threw me into a calm, concerted and controlled frenzy. Think a student with a methodical-killer mindset. I set about killing almost every single thing on my To-Do List. I worked like crazy because I was crazy about work. The bitter taste of defeat and failure never lingered far from my mouth throughout the week. I thought I could do handle it all. I thought I could do whatever I wanted to do in school and whatever I wanted outside and still have straight A grades. I thought wrong.

It took me awhile to absorb the fact that I am human, my stretched limits can snap. Maybe I just need to take things a little easier. I'm still aiming for the sky but this time I'm pacing myself.

I have come to recognize the way I work and I am quite surprised with how methodically my thought processes and decisions have become. Messing around with computers since I was 3 seems to have had its influence.

Huiling asked me why I did all this. Why do you get involved in this and that and do this and do that? I said I couldn't explain it. It is an urge that needs to be met, like hunger or thirst. Perhaps it's a self-esteem thing. Am I secure enough to stand around and watch the action? Do I always have to attach myself to the going-ons?

I think perhaps the answer is that success is a drug. The more success you've had, the more "happy" hormones your brain releases, the more you crave for it. I am an addict. All the successes in my life only served to make me a speeding train, full steam ahead, with no one at the controls. Whats the objective? Identify the problems. How do we solve them? What are the consequences? Execute. What are the next problems?

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have a high measure of success so that means most times, I'm either humbled or working. Humility does me good. Keeps me healthy. Slows down the engine a little. Makes me pull on the horn strings a little less.
-Written March 22nd

--

NUSS 50th Anniversary Lecture Series
Guest of Honour: PM Lee Hsien Loong - "The Singapore Elite"

NTU 11th Ministerial Forum: Dr Vivian Balakrishnan - "The role of Youth in Strengthening the Tapestry of the Nation"

I came, I saw, I concurred.

I talked to Dr Balakrishnan about how I was afraid that youths were politically apathetic and not bothered enough to think of changes and how things could be made better and all that. How when youth come forward to speak, they speak but really have nothing to say. I shared my council's efforts in trying to empower students to take greater ownership over their own university. I asked him if he worries about continuity in political leadership for my generation.

He pretty much told me that I thought too much.

People will stand up when it matters to them. When push comes to shove, they will take a stand.

My buddy Timothy asked, What if there's no push? What if there's no shove?

Then in that case, he said, there's no need. The change must reflect their values and their needs.

Okay....

I'll take it from you, Minister Sir, I'll think of my ricebowl first and let my idealistic notions die off like the irrelevant spectres that they are. I'm not President Scholar.. how to dare tell you what I think about the country?

I am Jack's deflated inner youth.

Shisha smoking

2005-03-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

for www.doubleyellowline.org

Every self-made rockstar worth his studded belt knows three things. The ability to maximise stage presence, the ability to not cringe at one own's songs and the ability to chillout and unwind at will. I will leave the first two to be dealt with by my good friend, KC (heh), while I'll elaborate on the third.

After delivering an adrenaline-pumping show, a rockstar deserves some R&R. While you might chose to binge on alcohol and girls (or boys, whatever makes you happy) at the top of Westin Stamford and risk the paparazzi spreading unflattering pictures of you on the New Paper the next day, we at DoubleYellowLine prefer to head out to the Tanjong Pagar KTM Railway Station to chillout with a good shisha pipe.

Okay so we're cheap bastards.

Anyhow, there is an art to enjoying shisha smoking. Art and theory passed down from a great shisha grandmaster, Fatin (respect) as well as from the owner of the shisha place, Yus (respect). Fatin (respect) and Yus (respect) taught us two major things, how to fully enjoy the shisha as well as dealing with the dangers that come with it.

If you really wanna learn how to pull the longest drag or learn how to do a "waterfall" with shisha smoke, you can call the doubleyellowline crew down to demonstrate anytime. Of course, shisha will be on you. (Yes we're cheap bastards)
The purpose of this article is to focus on the theory and to share with you some important bits of information about shisha smoking that everyone should know about.

Got your notepad ready, kids? Let's begin.

SHSA101: Basic Theory on Shisha

Charcoal on top. Tobacco under charcoal. Smoke goes down shaft. Smoke goes through water. Smoke comes out pipe. Rockstar sucks on smokepipe. Smoke goes in Rockstar. Rockstar happy. \m/

SHSA102: The Real Theories on Shisha

Many people say that there's no tobacco in shisha. That's not true. The stuff that you smoke is a mixture of tobacco and molasses soaked in juice. It's the juice that gives the flavour.

Qn: How does the smoke come down the shaft?

You suck the air out of the space above the water. This creates a kind of vacuum in that space and the air pressure drops, causing smoke from the shaft to bubble through the water to replace the air until the pressure goes back to normal.

Qn: What do I do if there's not enough smoke coming through when I just get the pipe?

First, you tighten the valve thingy that's found somewhere on the middle of the pipe. This is a one-way valve that allows air in to mix with the smoke when you suck on the pipe. Tighten it to reduce air intake.

Next, Spread the charcoal abit. Make sure it covers more holes. Break the bigger lumpy ones into small bits.

Qn: What if I find the smoke too strong?

You wuss. Loosen the valve abit to increase air intake. This will make the smoke less concentrated.

Qn: What are the health effects of smoking shesha?

Yours truly found out that Egyptian youths are developing throat and chest cancer from moderate use of shisha. This rather alarming bit of information instigated yours truly to probe deeper. Yours truly found out that moderate use of shisha in Egypt = average of 10 pipes a week. Crazy Egyptians.

Stick to about once a week, one-two pipes at a time. (that sounded a little wrong)

Another very important bit of information shared with us by Yus (respect). After about an hour, the tobacco in the ceramic holder dries up. This is bad. It means there's no more flavour and all that you're smoking is actual dry carbonite particles. Yus (respect) says that one puff of this carbonite particles is equivalent to 17 sticks of ciggies.

17 sticks of ciggies, biatch!

So, don't be cheap on this. After about 45 mins (if you got the small pipe) or an hour (if you got the bigger pipe), ask for a change of tobacco. The man will get you a new ceramic holder with fresh tobacco and charcoal for your pleasure. \m/

One other sign that tells you that the tobacco has dried up is when you suck on the pipe and the smoke doesn't come down and fill the space above the water. The air remains clear. At this point, play safe and check with the guy even when you just got the pipe.

Qn: I wanna make my own shisha pipe! What do I do?

You don't fool me, you want to make a bong, don't you.... You can construct your own DIY pipe as long as you have the major parts. You probably still need a ceramic holder to hold the tobacco and charcoal. Just have a shaft that connects that to a air-tight chamber, having the shaft ending in the water and a pipe that can suck the air out of the space above the water. I found out that the only people selling the tobacco/molasses thing are the shisha people at Arab Street and they sell for about 30 bucks a piece.

Anyway if you try this out and burn your house down, don't make me responsible man.

Qn: What's the best thing to go with Shisha?

A cup of "teh", best bunch of passionate friends and a good sense of humour. Someone to make out with at the same time won't hurt either.

Yup, that's about it. You've passed. You've earned yourself the right to call yourself Shisha Master Level 1.
On an ending note, DoubleYellowLine would like to encourage moderation as well as encouraging you to tell your friends about what you've learnt today. Together, we can all enjoy our shesha and not have anyone coughing their lungs out.

In Style

2005-03-09T23:16:00.000+08:00

I've been on a little hiatus from blogging because I've been swamped with work.

Actually, that's a lie. I haven't been blogging because I haven't anything interesting to say. AND I've been swamped with work. Really.

Not to say that my life is boring or anything.. Noooooo noooo... I'm undergrad by day and KIAP SAM BONG by night! KIAP SAM BONG!

Er, yeah.

If the name KIAP SAM BONG doesn't ring a bell, it just means that you're not in with the latest trend going around. It's the next thing on the "things that all cool people need to do to be defined as cool" list. cool. Like those LiveStrong bands thing on your wrist. Everyone who's worth a tenth of his ERS has watched Russell Peters. Anyone who's worth her last stub of lip stick has caught Russell Peters. It's the latest comedy download to go around and everyone's quoting from it.

With permanently plugged-in students, where the P2P software is always just lurking off the desktop, it doesn't take very much for really good comedy material (heck any material) to end up in the hard disks of hardworking SMU students, disrupting classes all over the campus. You either know about it and be counted among the "in" crowd or you summon up the best fake laughter you've got (since you force-laughed at your girlfriend's father's stupid racist joke) when the whole class is going nuts about it and then quietly go download it for yourself hoping that no one finds out. Well, better not let anyone find out, you hermit. Remember, it's Russell Peters. (If you really missed out, check out Dave Chapelle, Pablo Francesco) Download now and be counted among the cool. You still have hope.

Talking about cool, there's a tagline for a jeans ad that goes Some things will never go out of style. I might be inclined to agree. How do you go out of style if you were never in fashion in the first place?

Of course, I'm kidding. Sure your degree is stylish and versatile. Like a pair of jeans. Very creative. Very different.

*Stares into empty space*

I just saw this ad on tv for the Ray Charles compilation CD. Begs the question, why wasn't he lauded as the genius that they say he was for the last twenty years? Why is he only really good now, after he passed away? Maybe thats the way things work. Somethings become really stylish or "in" when dying or dead.

But Russel Peters isn't dying. Hmm.. ah well, ER is back on.

Bapak kau punyer laki!

2005-03-05T12:16:00.000+08:00

Swearing, I think, is an overlooked gem when appreciating the beauty of language. It has so far escaped the microscope of the learned linguist. Perhaps because swearing is a crude act deign only to be a habit of the underclass.

Swear words are among the most emotive examples of every day language and holds the uncanny ability to let itself be known as a swear word even when spoken in a language foreign to the listener. Swears words, like pr0n spam, come attached with explicit images, sometimes so crude it's hysterical.

But really, there is a beauty to swearing.

When you dissect the anatomy of a swear phrase, you realize that there are usually two parts to the phrase. A standard part followed by a differentiating part. Looking at the example of Bapak kau punyer laki!, the standard part reads as "Bapak kau punyer" which means "Your father's.." The standard part usually precedes an unflattering part of the human anatomy. For a greater impact, one uses not oft-mentioned parts of the human anatomy but this must be done with cautioned as some may not get the kind of impact we want.

Bapak kau punyer.. puki.
A standard issue swear word. I'm not even sure if fathers are supposed to have "pukis".

Bapak kau punyer.. kaki.
Meaning leg. Sounds close to puki but relatively harmless. Used when you're swearing at someone a lot bigger than you.

Bapak kau punyer.. Medulla Oblongata.
As mentioned, cautioned must be maintained when letting one's creativity go when having one's way with swearing. You do not want a pre-fight situation to degenerate into a biology class.

My personal favourite in the list,

Bapak kau punyer.. laki.
Meaning man. This is a pleasant sidetrack from the standard use of human anatomy. Immediate confusion reigns in. My father's what? Man? My father's man? .... eh Nabeh.." A subtle attack on the target's father's sexual orientation usually evokes a reaction not often seen when using standard anatomy as the differentiating part.

Sometimes it's not what is said but who is saying it. Syed, a friend of mine, talks about his grandmother who came down from Indonesia and who had this to say to his noisy little sister.

"Kau bising eh. Kau diam kalau tidak aku ikat kau kat pokok tu, terbalikkan kau abeh ambik kerrenga gigit kau punyer puki" or something to that effect.

Allow me to translate.

"You noisy little shit. You better shut up or I'll tie you to that tree, turn you upside-down and let the red ants bite on your vagina."

fierce. cue in the stunned silence moment. I'll be surprised if the kid isn't traumatized by the explicitness of it all. You start to wonder what other images might be locked in the grandmother's mind and then you realize that you really don't want to know and you shut up.

Amazing. Don't beat your children, mindf*ck them.

Daughter: "Dad, I want the new Britney Spears Cd"
Dad: "F*CK YOU, BITCH!"

Cool huh? Just make sure you don't use the "Your father's..." standard beginning set of swear words when you are the father. Won't reflect well on you.

Dad: "You father's man!"
Son: "Dad, is there something you want to tell me?"

Yup. Besides that, have fun!

Political Humour (or the lack of)

2005-03-02T08:29:00.000+08:00

Ave: What does a communist drink?

Me: Er.. Donno? (I was thinking Mao-tain Dew)

Ave: Herbal Tea. Why? Because a communist doesn't believe in property (proper tea).

Me: ...
--

Me: What does Lee Hsien Loong call his dad at home?

Ave: What?

Me: PAP-py.

Ave: Bad pronounciation does not a good joke make!

Of Conversations with Dr Margaret Chan

2005-03-01T02:18:00.000+08:00

My favourite type of conversation is when I keep what I say to a bare minimum. just enough to have the majority of the conversation = me listening and absorbing precious knowledge and wisdom from a wiser.

I've just had such a conversation with Dr Margaret Chan, esteemed theatre actress and assistant director to Student Life in SMU.

Aiya.. "crush you like a cockroach!". Yes.. that Margaret Chan.

Dr Chan, or Margaret (she waves off formality), talked about this section of human beings that so inextricably bound to the need to constantly pre-occupy themselves with activities, projects that they are constantly on the edge of burning out. The logical thing for these people to do is obviously to take a step back and chill, right? True but for these people, they cannot accept themselves if they're not anything short of a near burn-out.

I must admit, I am one of these people and evidently, so is she.

There is always an urge to get up and get involved. Sitting down should only constitute getting enough rest for the next action. Get involved in everything and anything. Lead, go, serve, keep going.

Evidently, its a choice between meeting this seemingly insuppressible urge and end up having to constantly fight against burning out and the occasional depression, AND not doing anything, end up rotting somewhere and go insane.

What lives we lead.

or aptly summed up, Jialat liao..

I reflected my thoughts and feelings on the whole fee hike issue to her and she said that the truth of the matter is, there are quite a number of ning-nongs out there who just bleat. Reactionary slave mentality. May sound a little too controversial to put up here but its the truth. So her advice was whatever these ning-nongs say.. let it ning-nong in one ear.. and ning-nong out the other ear. Use your wisdom and knowledge to lead as best as you can. Heck whatever these ning-nongs say. Just listen to any valid points that surface.

So the question is, are you a ning-nong?

The conversation rounded up with motherly Margaret Chan insisting on me focusing and prioritizing grades. "Because this is what this time of your life is all about. You will regret it if you don't"

=) Yes Margaret.

Due

2005-03-01T01:56:00.000+08:00

I think I need to issue my due apologies and gratitudes. I have been despondent of late and my closest, the people I work with, have been receiving the brunt of it. I do admit, I carry my emotions on my sleeve and titanic forces have left me with a short fuse. I do humbly apologise if I have lashed out or retorted too harshly to any one of you, especially the people I work with everyday, and I do apologise when it seems like I'm pressurizing you to more things even when I'm probably not in the position to do so. Also allow me to express my gratitude and appreciation to be able to depend on you in my moments of need, to reach out to you and know that you will always lend a hand. Thank you.

Now, thats over and done with, let's get back to work shall we?

The Child and his Streaming Exam

2005-02-27T15:00:00.000+08:00

Many years ago, a nondescript classroom of cardboard walls and scaled-down furniture tried to contain the antics of a loud, hyperactive child. The child would not keep his mouth shut and had a habit of always querying the teacher. Even his classmates grew exasperated. The child did not know any better.

Come his third year in Opera Estate Primary School. A streaming exam was to be conducted to slot students into streams that most suited their learning abilities. The teacher lined the class up and ushered them to the hall.

Streaming? or Screaming Exam? Sure pass one what.. The child decided to practise his vocal abilities and promptly got a knock on his head for his efforts.

Teacher, why got exam today? The child asked.

Aiyah just do lah. Doesn't effect your final marks

So the child, as all children would do, spent as little time on the exam as possible so that he could go down to the canteen to buy the chocolate cake for 30cents and a plastic container so that he could catch tadpoles in the drain. The child also copied his friend during the IQ test later just so that he'll be done first or rather second.

Was the child correctly tested on his learning abilities?

In theory the streaming system appears to be a godsend. Allowing students to channel into their preferred learning curves. Defined by their "learning abilities". On the ground we know that it's not learning abilities that mark the difference between the special and the express and the normal. It's the motivation to study. It's the individual's psychosociological make-up. It's the child's environment and influence. The child does not know any better and labelling him even before he knows any better does not help. The less labels you give the child, the more he can define himself.

Singapore Forum on Politics 2005

2005-02-27T14:51:00.000+08:00

Speakers:
Mohd Nizam Bin Ismail, President, Young AMP
Alfian Bin Sa'at, poet and playwright
Alex Au, gay activist
Eleanor Wong, Associate Professor, NUS Law Faculty
Asad Latif, Senior Correspondent, The Straits Times

Chaired By:
Kenneth Paul Tan, Assistant Head, Political Science Department

While I have to admit that I have been enlightened on some points raised by the speakers as well as the crowd, I felt that the forum was something like a bad debate. The terms open and inclusive were not defined. The domain of discussion kept jumping all over the place. People spoke on different sides of the coin when it suited them.

Granted, the more controversial areas like political plays/movies and writing/talking about the opposition have always been clamped down and choked by the Gahmen. The Gahmen is still an iron-fisted prude when it comes to allowing anybody to speak about them in derogatory terms. Michael Moore style politics in Singapore? Might as well just surrender yourself to the ISD if you chose to make a personal attack.. less leceh.

Still, one of the audience raised the issue that the plays made the arts groups on the fringe tend to be reactionary to or does things that only reaffirms the political boundaries that the Gahmen sets.

The Gahmen offers the reasoning that the silent conservative majority will find the upstart minority offensive and thus, in the name of public good, clamps them down.

The problem about being a rebel or fighting on the fringe is that any compromise on their part to be accepted into the mainstream is seen as a cowardly loss of ground. And as the Gahmen continually turns them down, they gain the right to be openly cynical and uncompromising. Both sides don't compromise, no one wins, everybody loses.

But there is a need to say that yes, there have been cases of compromises by both parties and that the art/movie was made available to the public. But too little, too few.

The question is, are our arts groups taking the right approach? What is the best strategy for turning Singapore into a more open and inclusive society?

From the little I know, my conclusions are that the Gahmen still derides any attempt to question its moral/political authority and how it does things, especially on the more controversial parts. This conclusion will stay until the next time a play or a movie comes up and the Gahmen allows it to go on, untouched. Only by doing so will the Gahmen send out a strong enough signal that "yes, we are more accepting now." Mere words at a speech or rally just doesn't cut it. There were some very reasonable requests by the arts groups and cutting them out only made the Gahmen look ridiculous. But being affected by these and being cynical and disillusioned will serve no purpose.

The theme of the forum, "Towards an Open and Inclusive Society", allowed the range of discussion to go from fringe arts groups to talking about the sick, poor, old, handicapped and even to the Malay-Muslim community. Too wide a range to comment on.

The people who talk at these forums are, necessarily, the elite. Asad Latif talked about the necessity of taking into account the views and perspectives of the subalterns. An audience member noted that if you spoke for the subalterns, you are acknowledging the fact that these people are subalterns. subordinate, inferior, marginalized. I think we have to acknowledge this fact no matter how controversial it might sound. Throughout history, society has been led by its elite. The only forward is for the elite to rightly reflect and voice out the needs of the rest of society. Sensitive subject this, probably wanna leave it as it is first.

At the end of everything, we all made our way out to a steaming slipper lobster lunch (which I felt so inappropriate after talks of elitism) and I wonder what progress we have made in that lecture theatre the last 4 hours. There were times when I felt that the speakers were not presenting to us, the audience, but rather using the forum as an indirect challenge to the Gahmen. Such a forum seems to only serve out disillusionment.

It is too easy for us to slip into cynicism and disillusionment and if we do, nothing will progress. I think there is a social responsibility that we, as the "elite", have to carry out. To do whatever it takes possible to make the country a better place. We must believe we can make a difference no matter what the rules of the game are.

This post suddenly feels like the forum. Too many aspects to talk about till it becomes a little incoherent. Or maybe its just me.

Singaporerebel.blogspot.com

2005-02-27T14:46:00.000+08:00

Ex ISA suspect Tharman assures nothing will happen if one oversteps OB markers; Mediacorp MD encourages Michael Moore's style of politics

Students, taking up the theme of youth, media and political involvement, grilled Mr Tharman and the three other panellists about overstepping the out-of-bounds markers around sensitive issues.

Mr Tharman assured the more than 1,000 youths present that nothing will happen even if one breaches an OB marker. One simply learns to steel oneself and be more adroit.

Straits Times editor Han Fook Kwang said that fears of repercussions should they say something the Government did not like were exaggerated and might stem from past incidents such as the Government's rebuttal of novelist Catherine Lim and opposition politicians.

Mr Tharman noted that Ms Lim is now more famous than ever and still speaks out with relish.

Nanyang Technological University's Associate Professor Ang Peng Hwa gave more encouragement, saying they can plead the ignorance of youth if any flak ensues.

--

Pardon my ignorance and allow me to steel myself and try to be more adroit for nothing.

--

You break the rules, we break your heads, says MM Lee
"I can assure you that in Singapore, when we decide that they are breaking the rules of the game, the unspoken rules as to how we survive, how we have prospered, then either their head is broken or our bones are broken."

Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew issuing warning to SIA pilots at the World Brand Forum, CNA, Dec 2, 2003

--

A little-known law called the Films Act bans the making, distribution and showing of films containing "wholly or partly either partisan or biased references to or comments on any political matter."

DOCUMENTARY about Singapore opposition politician J.B. Jeyaretnam was withdrawn from a film festival here last year on fears it could have violated a law banning political films, a report said Friday (Jan 4).

The makers of the 15-minute documentary had submitted written apologies and withdrew it from being screened at the Singapore International Film Festival in April after they were told they could be charged in court, the Straits Times said.

The film-makers, all lecturers at the Ngee Ann Polytechnic, had said they just chanced upon a man selling books on a street and decided to make a documentary on him, unaware at first that he was an opposition figure.

Jeyaretnam, a lawyer, entered parliament in 1981, becoming the first opposition politician to break the stranglehold of the ruling People's Action Party (PAP) on local politics since statehood in 1965.

He has championed issues such as the abolition of the Internal Security Act, which allows detention without trial, and the promotion of human rights and democracy.