Shisha smoking

for www.doubleyellowline.org

Every self-made rockstar worth his studded belt knows three things. The ability to maximise stage presence, the ability to not cringe at one own's songs and the ability to chillout and unwind at will. I will leave the first two to be dealt with by my good friend, KC (heh), while I'll elaborate on the third.

After delivering an adrenaline-pumping show, a rockstar deserves some R&R. While you might chose to binge on alcohol and girls (or boys, whatever makes you happy) at the top of Westin Stamford and risk the paparazzi spreading unflattering pictures of you on the New Paper the next day, we at DoubleYellowLine prefer to head out to the Tanjong Pagar KTM Railway Station to chillout with a good shisha pipe.

Okay so we're cheap bastards.

Anyhow, there is an art to enjoying shisha smoking. Art and theory passed down from a great shisha grandmaster, Fatin (respect) as well as from the owner of the shisha place, Yus (respect). Fatin (respect) and Yus (respect) taught us two major things, how to fully enjoy the shisha as well as dealing with the dangers that come with it.

If you really wanna learn how to pull the longest drag or learn how to do a "waterfall" with shisha smoke, you can call the doubleyellowline crew down to demonstrate anytime. Of course, shisha will be on you. (Yes we're cheap bastards)
The purpose of this article is to focus on the theory and to share with you some important bits of information about shisha smoking that everyone should know about.

Got your notepad ready, kids? Let's begin.

SHSA101: Basic Theory on Shisha

Charcoal on top. Tobacco under charcoal. Smoke goes down shaft. Smoke goes through water. Smoke comes out pipe. Rockstar sucks on smokepipe. Smoke goes in Rockstar. Rockstar happy. \m/

SHSA102: The Real Theories on Shisha

Many people say that there's no tobacco in shisha. That's not true. The stuff that you smoke is a mixture of tobacco and molasses soaked in juice. It's the juice that gives the flavour.

Qn: How does the smoke come down the shaft?

You suck the air out of the space above the water. This creates a kind of vacuum in that space and the air pressure drops, causing smoke from the shaft to bubble through the water to replace the air until the pressure goes back to normal.

Qn: What do I do if there's not enough smoke coming through when I just get the pipe?

First, you tighten the valve thingy that's found somewhere on the middle of the pipe. This is a one-way valve that allows air in to mix with the smoke when you suck on the pipe. Tighten it to reduce air intake.

Next, Spread the charcoal abit. Make sure it covers more holes. Break the bigger lumpy ones into small bits.

Qn: What if I find the smoke too strong?

You wuss. Loosen the valve abit to increase air intake. This will make the smoke less concentrated.

Qn: What are the health effects of smoking shesha?

Yours truly found out that Egyptian youths are developing throat and chest cancer from moderate use of shisha. This rather alarming bit of information instigated yours truly to probe deeper. Yours truly found out that moderate use of shisha in Egypt = average of 10 pipes a week. Crazy Egyptians.

Stick to about once a week, one-two pipes at a time. (that sounded a little wrong)

Another very important bit of information shared with us by Yus (respect). After about an hour, the tobacco in the ceramic holder dries up. This is bad. It means there's no more flavour and all that you're smoking is actual dry carbonite particles. Yus (respect) says that one puff of this carbonite particles is equivalent to 17 sticks of ciggies.

17 sticks of ciggies, biatch!

So, don't be cheap on this. After about 45 mins (if you got the small pipe) or an hour (if you got the bigger pipe), ask for a change of tobacco. The man will get you a new ceramic holder with fresh tobacco and charcoal for your pleasure. \m/

One other sign that tells you that the tobacco has dried up is when you suck on the pipe and the smoke doesn't come down and fill the space above the water. The air remains clear. At this point, play safe and check with the guy even when you just got the pipe.

Qn: I wanna make my own shisha pipe! What do I do?

You don't fool me, you want to make a bong, don't you.... You can construct your own DIY pipe as long as you have the major parts. You probably still need a ceramic holder to hold the tobacco and charcoal. Just have a shaft that connects that to a air-tight chamber, having the shaft ending in the water and a pipe that can suck the air out of the space above the water. I found out that the only people selling the tobacco/molasses thing are the shisha people at Arab Street and they sell for about 30 bucks a piece.

Anyway if you try this out and burn your house down, don't make me responsible man.

Qn: What's the best thing to go with Shisha?

A cup of "teh", best bunch of passionate friends and a good sense of humour. Someone to make out with at the same time won't hurt either.

Yup, that's about it. You've passed. You've earned yourself the right to call yourself Shisha Master Level 1.
On an ending note, DoubleYellowLine would like to encourage moderation as well as encouraging you to tell your friends about what you've learnt today. Together, we can all enjoy our shesha and not have anyone coughing their lungs out.