End of Holidays
It is the last day of the holidays and in many, many ways, my first. I sit to take stock of all that has happened from day one. I realize that I have suppressed a lot of emotions during this time, both pleasant and unpleasant. I have been in this working mentality, in which I push myself to deliver results but now there is this whole mess of feeling, emotion and thinking to catch up with that I have no idea where to begin.
Today, I finally came to terms that the band that I started out in, the band that gave me my first real stage performance experience, the band that I grew up as a musician in, the band with whom I have shared many dreams and aspirations with, the band called Moren Tea Estate is dead. It is a sorry state of affairs.
Please know that the band is dead not because of what you did to Ben but what you did to all of us. We were the price you were willing to pay. Perhaps it is simply that the rest of us treasured the band more than you did. While I understand the motivations behind what you did or have been doing, I know that personally I would have acted different because of the ties I have built with my friends and because I hold myself up to a higher measure.
Self-destruction is a choice, my friend. We can always choose.
I have also been caught up in a whirlwind of self-destructive behaviour. I knew it to be self-destructive because I knew it was wrong but I continued anyway. It was self-destruction and definitely lust. Though I have almost forgotten how it feels to be in love, I knew what we had can hardly be called love. We were close but in the wrong circumstances. To me, we both did wrong but I knew it was weak behaviour and I hated myself for it. You're right, it is the memories of how I felt when we touched and I hope you understand why I need to shut it out. No matter how we justify it, it was still wrong. I hope we can just simply leave it behind us and for what its worth, I'm sorry.
Being involved with Baybeats was something of a milestone for me. I have finally the opportunity to work for the beacon of local music shows and work with the many known faces from the scene. It is a measure of how much I enjoyed their music when I am still a little too shy or "starstruck" to speak to some of them on normal terms. Yes. Me, shy.
Coordinating the whole logistical move of assets from SMU's old Bukit Timah Campus to the City Campus, working out how all the clubs are going to be bunking into the new campus (considering many of the club areas are still on construction) and dealing with these issues daily have been quite an achievement and all because of the amazing, efficient and reliable people that I had working with me through it all. Zhong Yi, Leonard, Jason, Sebs, Xiaoxiang, Felix, Weizhong. What a stellar team. We'll have our welfare dinner soon enough guys, we deserve it.
I was Convocation 2005 Front of House Director yesterday and it was seriously flawless. I have to profusely thank my assistants, Adelene, Yvonne and Jiahuan, who have been the backbone of the whole department. It was, in the end, the worst case scenario that we had to deal with and we handled everything perfectly... even the registration of about 1200 freshmen was fine. I really wanted to thank everyone who volunteered to help out with FOH personally but I couldn't yesterday. Big thanks guys, you all did amazing.
I got my Dean's List certificate a week ago but I'm still in a little state of disbelief about my scholarship. I received a call just a few days ago, telling me that I have been shortlisted for a scholarship. 9 people chosen for 5 awards. I went for the group interview the next day with 2 Year 4s who are really quite experienced with such interviews and I was a nervous wreck for the first 30 seconds. But I luckily managed to get a grip of myself and took control of how I felt and spoke out. I got chosen. Yesterday, at convocation, I took some time off my FOH Director duty to go on stage and receive the scholarship. I have seriously never considered myself to ever be in there. Surreal still. How can I be a scholar? My teachers back in Secondary School will never believe this. Bastards will think I probably stole someone else's. The Discipline Master back in SAJC told my dad that I'll grow up to be a criminal. Haha. Just goes to show that you can screw what these people say and decide exactly the kind of person you want to be. There are no limits to what you can do.
Ah well, that's enough looking back. Plenty of stuff to look forward to. Honestly, can't wait for classes to start. Heh.
Today, I finally came to terms that the band that I started out in, the band that gave me my first real stage performance experience, the band that I grew up as a musician in, the band with whom I have shared many dreams and aspirations with, the band called Moren Tea Estate is dead. It is a sorry state of affairs.
Please know that the band is dead not because of what you did to Ben but what you did to all of us. We were the price you were willing to pay. Perhaps it is simply that the rest of us treasured the band more than you did. While I understand the motivations behind what you did or have been doing, I know that personally I would have acted different because of the ties I have built with my friends and because I hold myself up to a higher measure.
Self-destruction is a choice, my friend. We can always choose.
I have also been caught up in a whirlwind of self-destructive behaviour. I knew it to be self-destructive because I knew it was wrong but I continued anyway. It was self-destruction and definitely lust. Though I have almost forgotten how it feels to be in love, I knew what we had can hardly be called love. We were close but in the wrong circumstances. To me, we both did wrong but I knew it was weak behaviour and I hated myself for it. You're right, it is the memories of how I felt when we touched and I hope you understand why I need to shut it out. No matter how we justify it, it was still wrong. I hope we can just simply leave it behind us and for what its worth, I'm sorry.
Being involved with Baybeats was something of a milestone for me. I have finally the opportunity to work for the beacon of local music shows and work with the many known faces from the scene. It is a measure of how much I enjoyed their music when I am still a little too shy or "starstruck" to speak to some of them on normal terms. Yes. Me, shy.
Coordinating the whole logistical move of assets from SMU's old Bukit Timah Campus to the City Campus, working out how all the clubs are going to be bunking into the new campus (considering many of the club areas are still on construction) and dealing with these issues daily have been quite an achievement and all because of the amazing, efficient and reliable people that I had working with me through it all. Zhong Yi, Leonard, Jason, Sebs, Xiaoxiang, Felix, Weizhong. What a stellar team. We'll have our welfare dinner soon enough guys, we deserve it.
I was Convocation 2005 Front of House Director yesterday and it was seriously flawless. I have to profusely thank my assistants, Adelene, Yvonne and Jiahuan, who have been the backbone of the whole department. It was, in the end, the worst case scenario that we had to deal with and we handled everything perfectly... even the registration of about 1200 freshmen was fine. I really wanted to thank everyone who volunteered to help out with FOH personally but I couldn't yesterday. Big thanks guys, you all did amazing.
I got my Dean's List certificate a week ago but I'm still in a little state of disbelief about my scholarship. I received a call just a few days ago, telling me that I have been shortlisted for a scholarship. 9 people chosen for 5 awards. I went for the group interview the next day with 2 Year 4s who are really quite experienced with such interviews and I was a nervous wreck for the first 30 seconds. But I luckily managed to get a grip of myself and took control of how I felt and spoke out. I got chosen. Yesterday, at convocation, I took some time off my FOH Director duty to go on stage and receive the scholarship. I have seriously never considered myself to ever be in there. Surreal still. How can I be a scholar? My teachers back in Secondary School will never believe this. Bastards will think I probably stole someone else's. The Discipline Master back in SAJC told my dad that I'll grow up to be a criminal. Haha. Just goes to show that you can screw what these people say and decide exactly the kind of person you want to be. There are no limits to what you can do.
Ah well, that's enough looking back. Plenty of stuff to look forward to. Honestly, can't wait for classes to start. Heh.
posted by undergradbyday @ 11:52 PM
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