I am Jack's ductless glands.

Failing my JSP Test threw me into a bout of depression, something I thought I outgrew but I realized is something one has to deal with in life. It also threw me into a calm, concerted and controlled frenzy. Think a student with a methodical-killer mindset. I set about killing almost every single thing on my To-Do List. I worked like crazy because I was crazy about work. The bitter taste of defeat and failure never lingered far from my mouth throughout the week. I thought I could do handle it all. I thought I could do whatever I wanted to do in school and whatever I wanted outside and still have straight A grades. I thought wrong.

It took me awhile to absorb the fact that I am human, my stretched limits can snap. Maybe I just need to take things a little easier. I'm still aiming for the sky but this time I'm pacing myself.

I have come to recognize the way I work and I am quite surprised with how methodically my thought processes and decisions have become. Messing around with computers since I was 3 seems to have had its influence.

Huiling asked me why I did all this. Why do you get involved in this and that and do this and do that? I said I couldn't explain it. It is an urge that needs to be met, like hunger or thirst. Perhaps it's a self-esteem thing. Am I secure enough to stand around and watch the action? Do I always have to attach myself to the going-ons?

I think perhaps the answer is that success is a drug. The more success you've had, the more "happy" hormones your brain releases, the more you crave for it. I am an addict. All the successes in my life only served to make me a speeding train, full steam ahead, with no one at the controls. Whats the objective? Identify the problems. How do we solve them? What are the consequences? Execute. What are the next problems?

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have a high measure of success so that means most times, I'm either humbled or working. Humility does me good. Keeps me healthy. Slows down the engine a little. Makes me pull on the horn strings a little less.
-Written March 22nd

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NUSS 50th Anniversary Lecture Series
Guest of Honour: PM Lee Hsien Loong - "The Singapore Elite"

NTU 11th Ministerial Forum: Dr Vivian Balakrishnan - "The role of Youth in Strengthening the Tapestry of the Nation"


I came, I saw, I concurred.

I talked to Dr Balakrishnan about how I was afraid that youths were politically apathetic and not bothered enough to think of changes and how things could be made better and all that. How when youth come forward to speak, they speak but really have nothing to say. I shared my council's efforts in trying to empower students to take greater ownership over their own university. I asked him if he worries about continuity in political leadership for my generation.

He pretty much told me that I thought too much.

People will stand up when it matters to them. When push comes to shove, they will take a stand.

My buddy Timothy asked, What if there's no push? What if there's no shove?

Then in that case, he said, there's no need. The change must reflect their values and their needs.

Okay....

I'll take it from you, Minister Sir, I'll think of my ricebowl first and let my idealistic notions die off like the irrelevant spectres that they are. I'm not President Scholar.. how to dare tell you what I think about the country?


I am Jack's deflated inner youth.