Chillin on the roof

I may still have that compulsive obsessive itch.

For starters, it's hardly a disorder but I don't walk on pavement cracks. Not because I'm afraid it'll break or I think it's bad luck or anything. But just because. I can't really remember why, I just do.

Pavement cracks and those lines with the black rubber in them. And I try to step in the middle of the tile unless it gets too tedious.

I may rearrange a table over and over again just because it wasn't right.

And I have building wanderlust. An unexplainable need to explore an interesting building, usually school. I went everywhere back in SAJC and now I can finally say I've been on an SMU Roof.






That's me, Jamiel and Gracia.

Too bad the real roofs are locked up. Yes, I've checked.

SMUve to the New Campus

Have you guys seen the ads for SMU's Symbolic Move to the New Campus? All credits to Gracia. Amazing stuff. They're in this order but supposed to be side-by-side.











and a banner to top it all off..



Good stuff. Here's wishing a flawless event by Ecube.

Audition Me

I went down to ChannelNewsAsia's Audition Me today. Supposedly with Jamiel but he bastard me out at the last minute. Registration for the auditions ends at 5pm and at 445pm, my incessant calls to him got through..

Me: "Hello, Jamiel!!"
Small (about 5-6 years old) girl's voice: "Hello, nak cakap ngan siaper?" (Hello, who you want to speak to?)
Me: "Eh.. Jamiel ade?"
Small girl: "Kejap eh.." (Wait ah..)

1 minute pause

Small girl: "Jamiel tidur." (Jamiel sleeping)
Me: "Erh.. okaylah. bye" *click*

1 minute pause

Me: "nabeh"

So I called Lin and she came down with her friend Kai. I got her form ready until we realized she had to be 21. She's still only turning 20. (wah still so young..) Still, they stayed around and gave lotsa tips and helped me get my hands on a can of red bull.

And some of you know what happens when I get my hands on a can of red bull. Give you wings? More like gave me space shuttle rocket jets.

So it turned out pretty good. Lin video-ed it with her camera. Don't really know if she's going to post it up. My mannerisms seem akin to a really enthusiastic debator. Wanted to move around but I was confined to a small box on the floor. Ah well. Don't know what got me to actually audition. Didn't think to do it till some of my friends brought it up.. and Jamiel seemed so deadset to go at 330pm.



Anyway, here's fair enough warning. If you see me on tv, don't freak.

Drugs = Social Integration

I'm supposed to be doing an analysis of an article on legalizing a regulated retailing of soft drugs. I think Singapore shouldn't begin to think of doing such a thing. First, it's against the values of the conservative majority so cannot. Second, we wouldn't have been the first to do such a thing (Amsterdam first, I think) so no point doing.. no brownie points to score. Third, changing how drugs are being circulated now will affect the tenous racial balance in Singapore. How so? Allow me to explain.

Drugs, all manner of them, play a really big part in racial integration. The Chinese, the Indians and the Malays are all part of this huge network of suppliers and consumers, it really is heartwarming to see. No addict is going to discriminate against his fellow addicts of other races. My needle is your needle dude. My candle is your candle.

Amazing stuff.

Anyway, the entire thing is seemless. All the races play a crucial part in the drug economy. The Chinese, they import the drugs stuffed in their pig lorries, making sure to drive through customs that are manned by the Malay policemen. They pass the drugs to be trafficked by Indians, who then spend the money to drink (contributing to the GDP). And the Malays refuse to be left behind and come in as consumers, spending loads of stolen parents' cash just to be a part of the whole economy of things.

And they said that the Malays aren't doing their part for the economy. Melayu boleh.

Kidding, I'm kidding.

No but really, I'm happy that the number of drug abusers among the Malays have dropped over the last 2 years mainly due from heavy support by our VGOs and Welfare Organisations. Hope to not see a Malay version of that anti-drug ah beng gangster advertisement.

"Siang kiter murid, malam kiter member-member. Ini Dolah, Salleh, Zal, Mat, Joe, Buntal, BoyBoy dan ini aku.. Kiter kalau tak main bola, kiter pukul orang. Kalau tak pukul orang, kiter keja pumpuan. Kalau tak boleh keja pumpuan, kita sharing ganja. Ganja power beb... Power.."

I said, Do you want (one) more song?!

SMU's Starry Night

I emceed, performed and helped organize a show in SMU two nights ago and it kicked ass. All my friends kick ass and everyone who came down kicked ass.

EIC kicked ass.

All the bands kicked ass.

My co-host, Wanni, kicked ass.

and after all that shouting, I'm left with a throat that felt as if it had its ass kicked.

But still the show kicked ass.

Now I just have to kick my mind into mugging mode for the rest of the term.

I am Jack's ductless glands.

Failing my JSP Test threw me into a bout of depression, something I thought I outgrew but I realized is something one has to deal with in life. It also threw me into a calm, concerted and controlled frenzy. Think a student with a methodical-killer mindset. I set about killing almost every single thing on my To-Do List. I worked like crazy because I was crazy about work. The bitter taste of defeat and failure never lingered far from my mouth throughout the week. I thought I could do handle it all. I thought I could do whatever I wanted to do in school and whatever I wanted outside and still have straight A grades. I thought wrong.

It took me awhile to absorb the fact that I am human, my stretched limits can snap. Maybe I just need to take things a little easier. I'm still aiming for the sky but this time I'm pacing myself.

I have come to recognize the way I work and I am quite surprised with how methodically my thought processes and decisions have become. Messing around with computers since I was 3 seems to have had its influence.

Huiling asked me why I did all this. Why do you get involved in this and that and do this and do that? I said I couldn't explain it. It is an urge that needs to be met, like hunger or thirst. Perhaps it's a self-esteem thing. Am I secure enough to stand around and watch the action? Do I always have to attach myself to the going-ons?

I think perhaps the answer is that success is a drug. The more success you've had, the more "happy" hormones your brain releases, the more you crave for it. I am an addict. All the successes in my life only served to make me a speeding train, full steam ahead, with no one at the controls. Whats the objective? Identify the problems. How do we solve them? What are the consequences? Execute. What are the next problems?

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have a high measure of success so that means most times, I'm either humbled or working. Humility does me good. Keeps me healthy. Slows down the engine a little. Makes me pull on the horn strings a little less.
-Written March 22nd

--

NUSS 50th Anniversary Lecture Series
Guest of Honour: PM Lee Hsien Loong - "The Singapore Elite"

NTU 11th Ministerial Forum: Dr Vivian Balakrishnan - "The role of Youth in Strengthening the Tapestry of the Nation"


I came, I saw, I concurred.

I talked to Dr Balakrishnan about how I was afraid that youths were politically apathetic and not bothered enough to think of changes and how things could be made better and all that. How when youth come forward to speak, they speak but really have nothing to say. I shared my council's efforts in trying to empower students to take greater ownership over their own university. I asked him if he worries about continuity in political leadership for my generation.

He pretty much told me that I thought too much.

People will stand up when it matters to them. When push comes to shove, they will take a stand.

My buddy Timothy asked, What if there's no push? What if there's no shove?

Then in that case, he said, there's no need. The change must reflect their values and their needs.

Okay....

I'll take it from you, Minister Sir, I'll think of my ricebowl first and let my idealistic notions die off like the irrelevant spectres that they are. I'm not President Scholar.. how to dare tell you what I think about the country?


I am Jack's deflated inner youth.

Shisha smoking

for www.doubleyellowline.org

Every self-made rockstar worth his studded belt knows three things. The ability to maximise stage presence, the ability to not cringe at one own's songs and the ability to chillout and unwind at will. I will leave the first two to be dealt with by my good friend, KC (heh), while I'll elaborate on the third.

After delivering an adrenaline-pumping show, a rockstar deserves some R&R. While you might chose to binge on alcohol and girls (or boys, whatever makes you happy) at the top of Westin Stamford and risk the paparazzi spreading unflattering pictures of you on the New Paper the next day, we at DoubleYellowLine prefer to head out to the Tanjong Pagar KTM Railway Station to chillout with a good shisha pipe.

Okay so we're cheap bastards.

Anyhow, there is an art to enjoying shisha smoking. Art and theory passed down from a great shisha grandmaster, Fatin (respect) as well as from the owner of the shisha place, Yus (respect). Fatin (respect) and Yus (respect) taught us two major things, how to fully enjoy the shisha as well as dealing with the dangers that come with it.

If you really wanna learn how to pull the longest drag or learn how to do a "waterfall" with shisha smoke, you can call the doubleyellowline crew down to demonstrate anytime. Of course, shisha will be on you. (Yes we're cheap bastards)
The purpose of this article is to focus on the theory and to share with you some important bits of information about shisha smoking that everyone should know about.

Got your notepad ready, kids? Let's begin.

SHSA101: Basic Theory on Shisha

Charcoal on top. Tobacco under charcoal. Smoke goes down shaft. Smoke goes through water. Smoke comes out pipe. Rockstar sucks on smokepipe. Smoke goes in Rockstar. Rockstar happy. \m/

SHSA102: The Real Theories on Shisha

Many people say that there's no tobacco in shisha. That's not true. The stuff that you smoke is a mixture of tobacco and molasses soaked in juice. It's the juice that gives the flavour.

Qn: How does the smoke come down the shaft?

You suck the air out of the space above the water. This creates a kind of vacuum in that space and the air pressure drops, causing smoke from the shaft to bubble through the water to replace the air until the pressure goes back to normal.

Qn: What do I do if there's not enough smoke coming through when I just get the pipe?

First, you tighten the valve thingy that's found somewhere on the middle of the pipe. This is a one-way valve that allows air in to mix with the smoke when you suck on the pipe. Tighten it to reduce air intake.

Next, Spread the charcoal abit. Make sure it covers more holes. Break the bigger lumpy ones into small bits.

Qn: What if I find the smoke too strong?

You wuss. Loosen the valve abit to increase air intake. This will make the smoke less concentrated.

Qn: What are the health effects of smoking shesha?

Yours truly found out that Egyptian youths are developing throat and chest cancer from moderate use of shisha. This rather alarming bit of information instigated yours truly to probe deeper. Yours truly found out that moderate use of shisha in Egypt = average of 10 pipes a week. Crazy Egyptians.

Stick to about once a week, one-two pipes at a time. (that sounded a little wrong)

Another very important bit of information shared with us by Yus (respect). After about an hour, the tobacco in the ceramic holder dries up. This is bad. It means there's no more flavour and all that you're smoking is actual dry carbonite particles. Yus (respect) says that one puff of this carbonite particles is equivalent to 17 sticks of ciggies.

17 sticks of ciggies, biatch!

So, don't be cheap on this. After about 45 mins (if you got the small pipe) or an hour (if you got the bigger pipe), ask for a change of tobacco. The man will get you a new ceramic holder with fresh tobacco and charcoal for your pleasure. \m/

One other sign that tells you that the tobacco has dried up is when you suck on the pipe and the smoke doesn't come down and fill the space above the water. The air remains clear. At this point, play safe and check with the guy even when you just got the pipe.

Qn: I wanna make my own shisha pipe! What do I do?

You don't fool me, you want to make a bong, don't you.... You can construct your own DIY pipe as long as you have the major parts. You probably still need a ceramic holder to hold the tobacco and charcoal. Just have a shaft that connects that to a air-tight chamber, having the shaft ending in the water and a pipe that can suck the air out of the space above the water. I found out that the only people selling the tobacco/molasses thing are the shisha people at Arab Street and they sell for about 30 bucks a piece.

Anyway if you try this out and burn your house down, don't make me responsible man.

Qn: What's the best thing to go with Shisha?

A cup of "teh", best bunch of passionate friends and a good sense of humour. Someone to make out with at the same time won't hurt either.

Yup, that's about it. You've passed. You've earned yourself the right to call yourself Shisha Master Level 1.
On an ending note, DoubleYellowLine would like to encourage moderation as well as encouraging you to tell your friends about what you've learnt today. Together, we can all enjoy our shesha and not have anyone coughing their lungs out.

In Style

I've been on a little hiatus from blogging because I've been swamped with work.

Actually, that's a lie. I haven't been blogging because I haven't anything interesting to say. AND I've been swamped with work. Really.

Not to say that my life is boring or anything.. Noooooo noooo... I'm undergrad by day and KIAP SAM BONG by night! KIAP SAM BONG!

Er, yeah.

If the name KIAP SAM BONG doesn't ring a bell, it just means that you're not in with the latest trend going around. It's the next thing on the "things that all cool people need to do to be defined as cool" list. cool. Like those LiveStrong bands thing on your wrist. Everyone who's worth a tenth of his ERS has watched Russell Peters. Anyone who's worth her last stub of lip stick has caught Russell Peters. It's the latest comedy download to go around and everyone's quoting from it.

With permanently plugged-in students, where the P2P software is always just lurking off the desktop, it doesn't take very much for really good comedy material (heck any material) to end up in the hard disks of hardworking SMU students, disrupting classes all over the campus. You either know about it and be counted among the "in" crowd or you summon up the best fake laughter you've got (since you force-laughed at your girlfriend's father's stupid racist joke) when the whole class is going nuts about it and then quietly go download it for yourself hoping that no one finds out. Well, better not let anyone find out, you hermit. Remember, it's Russell Peters. (If you really missed out, check out Dave Chapelle, Pablo Francesco) Download now and be counted among the cool. You still have hope.

Talking about cool, there's a tagline for a jeans ad that goes Some things will never go out of style. I might be inclined to agree. How do you go out of style if you were never in fashion in the first place?

Of course, I'm kidding. Sure your degree is stylish and versatile. Like a pair of jeans. Very creative. Very different.

*Stares into empty space*

I just saw this ad on tv for the Ray Charles compilation CD. Begs the question, why wasn't he lauded as the genius that they say he was for the last twenty years? Why is he only really good now, after he passed away? Maybe thats the way things work. Somethings become really stylish or "in" when dying or dead.

But Russel Peters isn't dying. Hmm.. ah well, ER is back on.

Bapak kau punyer laki!

Swearing, I think, is an overlooked gem when appreciating the beauty of language. It has so far escaped the microscope of the learned linguist. Perhaps because swearing is a crude act deign only to be a habit of the underclass.

Swear words are among the most emotive examples of every day language and holds the uncanny ability to let itself be known as a swear word even when spoken in a language foreign to the listener. Swears words, like pr0n spam, come attached with explicit images, sometimes so crude it's hysterical.

But really, there is a beauty to swearing.

When you dissect the anatomy of a swear phrase, you realize that there are usually two parts to the phrase. A standard part followed by a differentiating part. Looking at the example of Bapak kau punyer laki!, the standard part reads as "Bapak kau punyer" which means "Your father's.." The standard part usually precedes an unflattering part of the human anatomy. For a greater impact, one uses not oft-mentioned parts of the human anatomy but this must be done with cautioned as some may not get the kind of impact we want.

Bapak kau punyer.. puki.
A standard issue swear word. I'm not even sure if fathers are supposed to have "pukis".

Bapak kau punyer.. kaki.
Meaning leg. Sounds close to puki but relatively harmless. Used when you're swearing at someone a lot bigger than you.

Bapak kau punyer.. Medulla Oblongata.
As mentioned, cautioned must be maintained when letting one's creativity go when having one's way with swearing. You do not want a pre-fight situation to degenerate into a biology class.

My personal favourite in the list,

Bapak kau punyer.. laki.
Meaning man. This is a pleasant sidetrack from the standard use of human anatomy. Immediate confusion reigns in. My father's what? Man? My father's man? .... eh Nabeh.." A subtle attack on the target's father's sexual orientation usually evokes a reaction not often seen when using standard anatomy as the differentiating part.

Sometimes it's not what is said but who is saying it. Syed, a friend of mine, talks about his grandmother who came down from Indonesia and who had this to say to his noisy little sister.

"Kau bising eh. Kau diam kalau tidak aku ikat kau kat pokok tu, terbalikkan kau abeh ambik kerrenga gigit kau punyer puki" or something to that effect.

Allow me to translate.

"You noisy little shit. You better shut up or I'll tie you to that tree, turn you upside-down and let the red ants bite on your vagina."

fierce. cue in the stunned silence moment. I'll be surprised if the kid isn't traumatized by the explicitness of it all. You start to wonder what other images might be locked in the grandmother's mind and then you realize that you really don't want to know and you shut up.

Amazing. Don't beat your children, mindf*ck them.

Daughter: "Dad, I want the new Britney Spears Cd"
Dad: "F*CK YOU, BITCH!"

Cool huh? Just make sure you don't use the "Your father's..." standard beginning set of swear words when you are the father. Won't reflect well on you.

Dad: "You father's man!"
Son: "Dad, is there something you want to tell me?"

Yup. Besides that, have fun!

Political Humour (or the lack of)

Ave: What does a communist drink?

Me: Er.. Donno? (I was thinking Mao-tain Dew)

Ave: Herbal Tea. Why? Because a communist doesn't believe in property (proper tea).

Me: ...
--

Me: What does Lee Hsien Loong call his dad at home?

Ave: What?

Me: PAP-py.

Ave: Bad pronounciation does not a good joke make!

Of Conversations with Dr Margaret Chan

My favourite type of conversation is when I keep what I say to a bare minimum. just enough to have the majority of the conversation = me listening and absorbing precious knowledge and wisdom from a wiser.

I've just had such a conversation with Dr Margaret Chan, esteemed theatre actress and assistant director to Student Life in SMU.

Aiya.. "crush you like a cockroach!". Yes.. that Margaret Chan.

Dr Chan, or Margaret (she waves off formality), talked about this section of human beings that so inextricably bound to the need to constantly pre-occupy themselves with activities, projects that they are constantly on the edge of burning out. The logical thing for these people to do is obviously to take a step back and chill, right? True but for these people, they cannot accept themselves if they're not anything short of a near burn-out.

I must admit, I am one of these people and evidently, so is she.

There is always an urge to get up and get involved. Sitting down should only constitute getting enough rest for the next action. Get involved in everything and anything. Lead, go, serve, keep going.

Evidently, its a choice between meeting this seemingly insuppressible urge and end up having to constantly fight against burning out and the occasional depression, AND not doing anything, end up rotting somewhere and go insane.

What lives we lead.

or aptly summed up, Jialat liao..

I reflected my thoughts and feelings on the whole fee hike issue to her and she said that the truth of the matter is, there are quite a number of ning-nongs out there who just bleat. Reactionary slave mentality. May sound a little too controversial to put up here but its the truth. So her advice was whatever these ning-nongs say.. let it ning-nong in one ear.. and ning-nong out the other ear. Use your wisdom and knowledge to lead as best as you can. Heck whatever these ning-nongs say. Just listen to any valid points that surface.

So the question is, are you a ning-nong?

The conversation rounded up with motherly Margaret Chan insisting on me focusing and prioritizing grades. "Because this is what this time of your life is all about. You will regret it if you don't"

=) Yes Margaret.

Due

I think I need to issue my due apologies and gratitudes. I have been despondent of late and my closest, the people I work with, have been receiving the brunt of it. I do admit, I carry my emotions on my sleeve and titanic forces have left me with a short fuse. I do humbly apologise if I have lashed out or retorted too harshly to any one of you, especially the people I work with everyday, and I do apologise when it seems like I'm pressurizing you to more things even when I'm probably not in the position to do so. Also allow me to express my gratitude and appreciation to be able to depend on you in my moments of need, to reach out to you and know that you will always lend a hand. Thank you.

Now, thats over and done with, let's get back to work shall we?