This is not about emo.

I got this off Darnie's blog. I never post about online quizes nor do I spend time to take them in the first place but this one is different. Knowing your own love language as well as your partner's is really quite important, I believe. I am not sure how accurate this quiz might be in determining your love language but at least its a start.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		10
Words of Affirmation:		8
Physical Touch:		7
Acts of Service:		3
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

I have always hardly ever been in touch with my emotions as a kid. Pretty much all IQ no EQ. You can imagine the kind of things that I would try to do in a relationship, trying to rationalize emotions. I'm not afraid to admit, I still am rather dysfunctional in that aspect. I guess we learn to better ourselves as we grow and to hopefully make amends for whatever that was lacking before.

Zombies imitate what other zombies do

I have many irritating traits and one of the many is my tendency to shoot my mouth off. This, I believe, is the distinction that keeps me away from being the noble gentleman. I am not proud of it.

But I will continue to speak up and speak my mind.

We had a performance last night at an event set right in the middle of the Pioneer heartland (somewhere in Jurong West). There were booths and all sorts of performances on stage. The event was, honestly, a way for the MP of the area to come up for a few minutes and ask for voter support. He mentioned it in his speech. I walked around and I felt very sorry for the people there.

This wasn't a fiesta or a celebration for the community. It wasn't there with the social objective of binding the community together or having a celebration among neighbours. The whole thing was a vehicle for a political objective. The winners for the children's costume dress-up competition weren't the kids who had creative costumes (cowgirl costume made up of gardenia loaf bags). They were in third place, the malay boy in the arabic costume, the indian girl in some funny white costume in second place and in first place, a chinese girl in an ordinary indian sari. Any surprises?

Sigh. While I had no right to judge the people, I felt sure most would never realize what was happening. Because they were all zombies.

They all stood around (mostly on one foot), expressionless and dully looking at anything of interest. Anything of interest here refers to any movement or sound namely the stuff happening on stage and my friends and I making fools of ourselves at the side of the stage. If you were there, you would see that there was really no spark of life in their eyes. None of the performances (ours included) garnered any form of response other than some feeble claps (zombies imitate what other zombies are doing).

Oh but I'm a little mistaken. You know how zombies in the movies retain their most primal instincts, for example to feed? Well, the primal instinct here isn't to feed, it was being kiasu.

The queue for the free cotton candy was ridiculously long.. i swear almost 50% of the people there were in always in one queue or another. I walked past the cotton candy queues and received a large shout from a zombie feeling quite self-important, "WANT COTTON CANDY LINE UP FIRST". After an hour on the cotton candy queue, jump to the kacang puteh queue. I swear some of them get into the queue first and ask what it is for later. Parent zombies fervently painting for their children's clog-painting competition. The only time the adult zombies stirred (and it was minute mind you) was when the emcee announced the winners of the lucky draw competition.

The only only ONLY life in the whole area were thankfully, the kids. They were the only ones who dared to check out the politically correct culture booths and play the games there. They were the only ones who responded to the games and performances. Seven Till Dawn played to a bunch of kids last night.

Because zombies imitate what other zombies are doing, they either execute the instruction from the man in white that spoke on the stage (his picture big big on the stage backdrop so must be important zombie) or follow what the other zombies are doing (especially the grassroot leader zombies).

But you know what, I'm being a prick. I'm calling these people zombies and the whole event a political vehicle. While I wish that the people there were alive (intellectually, mentally, emotionally, anything..) and that the event was a more genuine celebration for the community, I have no right to judge. These people are dull and this event was a little spark in their dull lives. Or maybe I have no right to judge them as dull, maybe they were all amazing individuals with perfectly full and active lives. As expected, I was shooting my mouth off backstage on what I saw and how I felt and it obviously annoyed this lady who was putting makeup on her daughter. The daughter, barely 8 years old I think, was to go on stage a deliver a singing performance. She had an amazing voice. The mother looked intently on from the side.

Obviously, it drew no response from the zom.. from the crowd. For a minute, I hated the mother for putting her daughter on that stage. No kid should ever have to go through the depression of having no one appreciating your heart-felt expressions. Jamiel said that maybe it was the kid who really wanted to do it. Granted but even then.. I would really discourage it.

And that was the moment I realized the probable reason why the mother was angry at me. I was describing how everything was pointless, the event.. putting up any performance... pointless to tell the people that they would most probably be voting for the PAP without even having had a single thought about it. I was making it all a hopeless waste but that was not what the mother needed. She wanted hope. Hope that her daughter with that amazing voice will make it big someday in this country and environment that I was criticizing. Or maybe it was simply that she didnt want her daughter to hear all that I was saying.

I dont know.. All I know is that people dont want to be told that they were leading very dull lives. Or that they were being led by the nose. Or that there really isnt any chance of a crowd-rousing performance on that stage. People want to be told that yes.. there is a chance. There is something. There is no benefit from being a messenger of doom tidings.. I think I should strive to be the messenger of glad ones. Perhaps then I would be a step closer to being a noble person.

This is not political blogging.

I made my way home in the late afternoon today. I sat near the back and on the back seat was a gentleman whose jigsaw puzzle was short of a few pieces.

The guy was crazy and mumbling out loud.

What made the whole thing blog-worthy wasn't the fact that he was crazily mumbling. It was what he was mumbling out. There were quite a bit of mumbling but I caught some rather interesting phrases. All in proper diction, mind you.

"I will work, no, you are of Indian descent not of Indian origin."

"..and he was the first Malay to be promoted to the office of..."

"I will stand in the witness box on behalf of the government!"

"My life, my research. 20 years of research."

The man looked and smelt homeless, with a brown leather sling-bag with a pocket file full of documents and letters. He carried around a stack of newsletters entitled "Changi Express" which he claims to be his research. On every newsletter (he showed me), he scribbled a particular email address, logo and some words in blue ink.

The poor guy is/was obviously educated. I can't imagine what has brought him to such a level. He looked like a starved David Marshall, but that can't be right? Isn't our former Chief Minister dead? Can't imagine what might have broken the man so.

--

Among my friends, I am known as the guy who's interested in politics. Since I was in secondary school, I have always watched the annual national day rally speeches. I needed to know the policies that the government sought to implement. I always care to know.

They call me an upcoming MP or someone big in politics when I grow up. I've always laughed my head off.

As I grew up, I came to know about some of the things that the government implements to keep in power. The lack of a sense of fairness on the political playing field is justified by the Minister proclaiming that nobody else plays fair anyway. Can we argue against that? Yes. Will arguing change anything? No.

It comes down to

a. I run this country well.
b. In order to continue to run this country well, I need to stay in power.
c. I set the agenda and I do these things to stay in power, they may not be fair.
d. Nobody else helps their opposition to a level playing field.

Therefore, I am justified to do these things to stay in power because nobody else helps their opposition and I run this country well.

If you disagree with this, you step into the arena and fight. You win, you set the agenda and the rules. You lose, well, that's another story.

If you are a capable but dissenting voice, we will pull you in. We will let those that do not make the mark go. The people want to see that the ruling party are not overlords so let's give them a choice. In the freak accident that the opposition win the GRC, they must prove that they can run the constituency. Good thing the community heads and ground people in the constituencies are staunchly with the ruling party. They can try getting support from them. Neither will they get support from the government because we rightly favor our own voters first.

Integrity. Service. Excellence. All bases and details are covered. From the contrasting videos of us and the opposition you see on the media to the internal securities act. The control of this country is full-proof.

You have to admire the efficiency at least. A rather chilling admiration.

Ah but ssshhhh.... what do I know? I am but a young, rebellious voice.. stupidly breaking the law by blogging about politics during the elections. Misrepresenting the facts and on top of it all, being rude about it. Is it naive to ask for a level playing field? Perhaps. Remember, you need to stay in power to run the country well. Is it justified? Is it justified?

I'll be honest. I think the answer is, yes.. it is justified. That is why, if my constituency wasn't a walkover, I would be voting for the PAP. It's simple. Something as airy-fairy as fairness does not outweigh a working government. The jagged little pill may leave a bitter aftertaste but grow up already.

And I've stopped laughing.

Where do you shoot them?

In a small portion of the internet, students from the various tertiary institutions of Singapore lurch battered and bruised to the nearest browser to type out onto their blogs, in relief, disbelief or utter esctasy, the words.. "today, my exams are over! *insert jumping emoticon*"

this initial declaration of freedom will be followed with detailed descriptions of various exam questions, with the necessary bitterness of how it all seemed to go against them and perhaps some measure of relief over the fact that it was finally done.

i can't seem to bring myself to feel the same.

somewhere in the back of my head, an alarm is going off. some bespectacled, balding security guard residing dormant at the security counter of my subconscious psyche is screaming at the top of his lungs, calling this nonchalance a grave cause of concern.

i think its because the nonchalance is spreading to everything, not just exams and grades.

is this a depression thing? i can't find the drive, motivation and excitement i used to have pushing through anything and everything. at the risk of sounding an arrogant brat, the capability is there but i am uninterested.

games, girls, grades, cca groups, social projects, music.. interesting yes.. but i am no longer pulled to anything. All I ask is something to arrest my attention, sweep me up in a crescendo of excitement and drive, rivet me to something more than ordinary.

maybe the problem lies with me. i need to break my mould then.

it's been a funny sort of week.

--

I performed at the Esplanade before, many years ago, in an acoustic performance by Moren Tea Estate. I was extremely driven by the band and its music back then. I remember that performance quite well and I remember a promise to someone that I haven't met since to not play the Bongos again.

After years of watching amazing bands and performances go up on to the Esplanade stage to perform, I finally found myself behind the Outdoor Theatre stage drumset, stepping up as the lights go on, sitting down and playing. I wonder why it is that we consider the bay performance venue such a milestone in a local musician's performance history. Or maybe it's just me. I knew how I played but it felt good indeed.

Especially good to use it as a reason to contact and catch up with so many long-lost friends. Walking and talking bits and pieces of my past wrapped up with a personality and the promise of greater things to come. On one perspective, it sounds a little selfish to describe friends as such. On another perspective, our observed universe is our universe.

I was also up at the 10th floor of the SMU Admin Building today. That was one of the first places I went to in the new campus. We had to recce it last year both for a rehearsal space for the Convocation as well as a temporary storage space for the Arts clubs assets. It's an entire floor, empty of any furniture or fixings, carpeted though but oh what a view. From Bugis to City Hall to the CBD to Fort Canning. I've spent quite abit of my time up there, with late night jammings in the super-equipped jamming space and the stage we built to rehearse Wayang Ramayana. I didn't realize I had such a connection to that space until today. We packed all the stuff up there today to be moved to the new location in the other building. That floor is to rented out I think. I guess, when I came to the City Campus, I found home in the SA Council Room as well as the 10th floor. Now, I will not have either. Nothing much to mope about really.. just.. worth a mention I guess.

Ah well. Still have lots to do. Clearing my room and securing that internship to Standard Chartered, if not IDA. Meetings, meetings, meetings still. I contemplated dropping everything and running off to an obscure beach resort with someone. Problem was I didn't know who to go with.

On another note, my family now knows that I find watching zombie movies very calming and relaxing. Something about watching hundreds of people milling around with only the barest of their primal instincts kicking in feels very natural. Like staring out a CBD window on a Monday morning.

Just shoot them in the head.

You don't have a good reason to not be bothered.

"It is necessary for people like you and your generation to understand that this is not a business of just voting or not voting. Politics has got to do with your life, your job, your home, your medicare, your children's future.

Suppose it goes wrong, you don't need to do political science to know something has gone wrong right? It's not for the fun of it, it's for the very serious purpose to ensure a good government for Singapore and the adult taking that position, when he gets in, will be equally good."

~ Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew on ChannelNewsAsia's Why My Vote Matters.

I think I rather have projectmates that bite and tear off limbs

Hi all,

I have spent many hours compiling the report, totalling 170 pages so far.

The report still does not have the Chi-Square tests for Analysis for Peak Periods.

Also, the entire 20 over pages for the Chi-square tests for Occupation is invalid because the chi-square has mostly expected counts of below 1. As stated right at beginning of those 20 over pages.. (I guess you missed the required guidelines in the midst of copy and pasting).. The expected count needs to be at least 1 and 80% of it needs to be greater than 5. I hope that you could combine all occupations listed and categorize them instead into STUDENT, SENIOR CITIZEN, WHITE COLLAR, BLUE COLLAR and OTHERS. This should allow for a valid chi-square test. Please put it in word document format.

I hope that this can be done by tonight so that I can compile and we can hand the report in tomorrow.

Otherwise, I’ll just hand it over for printing. Our group grade (another 20%) will be affected accordingly.

Cheers,
Firdaus

=== word for word reply at 12:47pm the next day===

Hi Ahmad,

As far as the chi square for the peak period is concerned. We had discussed in the previous meeting that it is needed. And, i even tried tabulating the chi-square statistics on the SPSS, but it gave an error message.

Hope this helps

Cheers
Helga -> name has been changed to protect identity

Another random bunch of phrases.

Singapore Constitution, Part XIII, General Provisions, Minorities and special position of Malays, section 152:

The Government shall exercise its functions in such manner as to recognise the special position of the Malays, who are the indigenous people of Singapore, and accordingly it shall be the responsibility of the Government to protect, safeguard, support, foster and promote their political, educational, religious, economic, social and cultural interests and the Malay language.

Random Phrases in Semi-Sleep

I'm starting a little project. It's called the Random Phrases in Semi-Sleep project. Objective here is to be near your computer or any writing material when you're about to fall asleep and as you drift in and out.. type out whatever comes to your head.

I did this last night because the laptop was right with me when I was drifting off and I typed out and came up with some random phrases. and yes, I am proud of the fact that they ended up grammatically sound.

First batch of Random Phrases in Semi-Sleep

tired thai toys tie tires tirelessly

nothing happened said the half-clothed priest.

we are all canadians. except for that guy, he's french.

mutual shouting never helped the show.

throw throw the garbage, keep only what we need to live life and survive.


yeah. 100% genuine randomness. now its your turn. go!

Because I'm emo!

Hahaha. Last night was a blast. I haven't got many pictures yet but I got these two from syarifah.



Who is that guy? What the hell is a drummer doing on the bass?



Hahaha and singing backup for Fall Out Boy songs no less. Haha. It was crazy. I hit a drum mike somwhere during that mayhem.. good thing i grabbed it before it hit the ground and I pulled off a nice stage jump. Haha.. now Ben, it's your turn!

That was fun. And what's funny was Mahdi saying I look "decent-nonsense" and Yaqin blogging that I had the Seth Cohen look.



Haha. Crap!